Clary sat on the edge of the stair, her face in her palms. She tried to hold back the sobs, but they pushed their way through her lips anyways. Her body shuddered, and she hugged her knees. She had never felt so alone in her life. Not to mention so cold. She wished Simon were here. He had always comforted her when she was sad. He was always the one to hold her close when she cried, stroking her hair until she calmed down. At least it had been him until Jace had come along.
At the thought of his name, Clary let go another round of tears. She couldn't bear to think of him like that, lifeless and cold on the floor of the kitchen.
She had found him there when she got home, the knife impaled through his chest, right on the spot where his heart should have beaten. She had called Isabelle first, and then 911. Izzy had gotten there first, of course. She had said that Jace still had a pulse, which caused Clary's heart to skip a beat involuntarily. But now, as she watched the men in white take his covered body away, it felt as if her heart had stopped.
There had been another moment in Clary's life when she thought Jace was dead. The only thing that had kept her from killing herself then was the fate of every other person she loved. She had to push through, but only because there was a life other than hers at stake. Now, she thought, it would be so easy to tie a rope, or swallow a few too many pills…
"Clary?" Isabelle stood in the doorframe that led from the front entrance to the Institute's kitchen. The flickering light of the candles cast shadows under her eyes, making her look several years older than she actually was. That and her seven inch stiletto heels. Even in a time of despair Isabelle still found the time to look fabulous. Clary almost smiled.
Isabelle slid onto the stair beside Clary, tugging her skirt down as she did. She stroked Clary's fiery red hair with a dainty finger. "Everything's going to be okay." Right… Clary thought. Like I haven't heard that one before… As if reading her thoughts, Isabelle smiled. "I know right now it might not seem like it, but Jace has always been a fighter. Even before he met you, he was never one to back down or give up. And now that he has you in his life, he has even more reason. You are his motivation, Clary. You make him strong. He would never leave you. I'm sure he's thinking about you right now."
Clary sighed. She knew Jace cared about her; he never passed up the chance to let her know how beautiful she was. But did he love her? Sure he had kissed her, caressed her, whispered things in her ear. But ever since they had slept together two weeks ago, he had become distant and withdrawn. Clary had begun to wonder if that was all he wanted, if he was only with her for sex. She shivered at the thought.
Isabelle took this as a sign of her being cold. "Why don't I go upstairs and get you a blanket? The heater's down, so it's probably better if we dress warm." She squeezed Clary's arm and got up off the stair. As she rounded the corner, Clary could see the glint of a single tear running down her cheek.
Maybe Isabelle wasn't as composed as Clary had thought. But then again, Jace was her brother. If anyone had a right to be sad right now, it was Isabelle. Rubbing her eyes, Clary stood up. A wave of nausea racked her body as she did, and she doubled over onto the tile. Clutching her stomach, she felt the bile rise in her throat. With a groan, she stood up and raced to the bathroom, only just making it before her lunch made a reappearance.
"Hello? Clary, is that you in there?" Someone tall peered around the corner. Clary felt her cheeks flush. In her haste, she had forgotten to close the door. "Are you okay? Wait, sorry. That was a stupid question. Do you want me to come in?" It was Alec. He loomed over her, his slender figure blocking out the light from the hall and casting a shadow as dark as his hair onto the bathroom floor.
"No…" Clary whispered, her voice ragged and raspy. "I'm fine. Thanks for caring." Alec was Jace and Isabelle's older brother, and he certainly fit the part. Whenever he sensed that something was wrong, his first instinct was to rush to your side and cuddle you. Sometimes Clary wondered if he was secretly a teddy bear, strong and dependable, always willing to lend a hug.
"Clary," he sighed. "I always care about you. Even though I might not have liked you at first, we're basically family now, and family care about each other." Brushing his hair to the side, Alec stepped into the room. As he did, light illuminated his features. The fluorescents made his dark blue eyes sparkle as if they were round pools of deep ocean water. A dash of glitter was streaked across his left cheek, a clear indicator that he had been with his boyfriend recently.
"Were you with Magnus?" Clary asked as Alec bent down to sit beside her. He chuckled, a deep throaty sound that made Clary want to smile. She might have, if she wasn't so insistent on hiding her emotions. She was still afraid that if she let even a positive feeling show that she would crack into hysteria.
"Actually, yeah. How did you know? Do I reek of eau de antique?" Stifling a laugh, Clary shook her head. "You've got a little something on your face." She pointed to her cheek, and he wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Gone?" he asked. Clary nodded. "Yeah. Gone."
The smile on Alec's face faded and was replaced by a look of compassion and understanding. "Look," he said, resting a hand on her shoulder. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I've never told anyone this, but a few months ago Magnus was-"
He was cut off by a scream. It was a high pitched soprano that could only belong to one person. They exchanged a worried glance before jumping to their feet. Taking Clary's hand, Alec led her to the stairs. They looked up to see a figure standing in front of the doorway to Clary's bedroom.
"Iz?" Clary called out, her voice quivering slightly as she spoke. "What's wrong?" Isabelle just stood there, unmoving at the top of the stairs. "Isabelle?"
There was no response. Then in one smooth spin, Isabelle turned to stare at Clary. With a look of astonishment on her face, she spoke to Clary in a dull whisper. "Clarissa Fray. I cannot believe you." She held up a package, small and orange in her delicate hand. Clary gasped, realizing what it was. Isabelle only had time to smile before Clary stumbled backwards into Alec's arms. "No…" she breathed. Isabelle grinned, revealing a mouth of perfect teeth. "Oh yes."
