Wishing for Wings

I gathered my things from my locker. Today was the last day I would ever see it. I had graduated highschool, finally. I was finally leaving this damned place.

A group of three boys and five girls walked up. A girl with brown hair cut in a strange slant dipped in purple, with brown eyes, skinny jeans and a MCR T-shirt was wrapped in the arms of a boy with long red hair and a tye-dye T-shirt. His green eyes watched me steadily. I subconsciously rubbed my wrist when I looked at him. I had known Aaron since fifth grade, and we had become close friends very fast. I told him everything, but at that age, I had told everyone everything. He was just the only one who didn't betray me.

He was the only one who ever talked to me.

He was the only one I still trusted.

"Hey, girl," A girl correctly nic-named Candy said. I had happened to know the skinny, blonde and blue-eyed petite cat-person since fourth grade. We used to be best friends, but we also used to be enemies. Now she thinks she's my friend, but no.

No one who won't trust you.

No one who you can't trust.

No one who lies, betrays and steals for you.

Against you, too you.

Are your friends.

"So you gonna go publish those fifty-eight novels you got collectin' dust…?" An indian-decent girl named Gypsy asked. Her brown eyes laughed. I had known her since fifth grade. We had been close friends, the closest, until she had met Carmen. The only thing they still trusted me with, which they didn't have a choice about not trusting me with it anymore, was the fact that they were 'in the closet' if you catch my drift.

Yep. They had started dating last year, I had stumbled onto them making out hardcore, and now neither of them looked at me with anything other than shame. They acted like servants, or enemies, but never friends.

"No," I replied simply. Aaron nodded. He got it.

"Why not? You're nearly as good as Orson Scott Card!" Kyle, a blonde, blue-eyed, hyper-active sociopathic boy who had also used to be a friend exclaimed. I guess you could consider him something, a connection of sorts to my own demented side, but he was also the kind of person who would snap my neck if given the chance. Kyle was going to end up in jail for murder soon, but we had made a promise along time ago, when I had…

I strayed away from the thought, instead looking to the other three people. Devin, a boy I had fooled around with for three years in a sick, hormone fueled game looked at me with love and with hate as his girlfriend, a girl who preferred to be called Gir, snuggled under his arms. She looked at me with spite. She had loved Devin since they were in kindergarten, or so she claimed, and when she found out about us fooling around, she didn't take kindly to it.

The last was a girl named CJ. In sixth grade a rumor had spread around the school that I was doing drugs, and lying to everyone about my parents, and she had been the one to start them, while everyone thought it was a girl named Kayla who had started them. For two years, I had been close friends with her until she admitted to starting every single lie about me that had ever been told in my entire middle school life. She was still begging for forgiveness, while spreading more rumors.

"It's her choice, Kyle," Aaron said quietly, running a hand through Exene's hair. She smiled up at him, pecking him on the lips.

"Who wants to go to my place for a graduation party?!!" Gitana exclaimed suddenly. I slung my backpack over my shoulder without a word and walked by them.

As I was walking out of the school, Aaron ran up to catch up with me, and stopped me by standing in my way. I gave him a soft smile, figuring that's what he wanted. He wasn't fooled.

"Don't get angry at me, Kairi, I just want to talk."

I suddenly remembered all of those times before highschool when we'd talk constantly. I was always cheering him up, helping him with his problems, or just chatting about with him.

I nodded. I didn't talk much anymore. I had my reasons.

"Look, last year… everything happened so fast, and I'm sorry… but don't forget our deals. Don't forget our promises. Don't forget what I said."

I nodded, and walked past him, fondling the ten necklaces around my neck.

"And Kai!" He shouted. I turned to look over my shoulder at him. "Don't wish for wings!" I gave him a real smile, though it was sad and pained, and turned back around, walking to the bus stop.


I stared out the window of the city bus, fighting the tears that swelled in my eyes.

Every day, everything that I do, reminds me of my past.

My name is Kairi. I claim no last name. I have my reasons. I have reasons for alot of things.

I grew up an only child between two abusive parents who always fought. Verbally and physically. My life has been threatened many times. The one time I tried to escape it, building a case against social services, my biological mother let out a rescue rope to my biological father by telling them that everything I said was a lie. So, what I had told my friends, when their parents talked to my biological mother, her name is Shelby, was denied, and somehow the entire school thought I was doing drugs and sleeping with people... it seems pitiful now that that would turn all of my friends away, but lies are powerful things. They all hated me because they thought I had lied.

Only my friend Aaron had stayed close to me, still talked to me, and listened to my side of the story.

After middleschool was over, most if had blown over to a certain extent, and most of my old friends acted as if nothing had ever happened, as if every night I didn't have nightmares of their hate-filled gazes, their threats being carried out, and the nights I couldn't sleep because no one believed me about how horrible my parents were.

I started highschool, aspiring to be in the army, and paying for special pre-training then by selling novels. I'm a published author, artist, poet and singer. But no one noticed that all of my horror, all of my tragedy, every demented word I recorded, and blood bathed scene I painted was all from experience, from myself. No one noticed the white scars and bloody wounds that lined my body, or the limits I pushed myself to every night. They all just thought I was a wimp and stayed up all night writing. No, I stayed up all night doing chin-ups, push-ups, sit-ups, running in the rain, practising in the dark with my dagger in the backyards mud pit, and bleeding. The pain was a relief. It kept me distracted from suicide, and the pain during the day, when my biological father was home, his name was Edward.

And so it came as a surprise to everyone when my trainer left me alone for five-minutes with a pistol and I shot myself in the chest.

I was rushed to the hospital, silent. The doctors thought something was wrong when I wasn't screaming as they prepped me for surgery, but my trainer, and my friend Aaron who had got to the hospital at the same time I did, since he was listed as my emergency contact, explained to them my intense training regimen, how I had shot myself, and alot of other things. But just becaus eI didn't scream didn't mean it didn't hurt. Dying, no matter how poets put it, hurt like hell. It felt like my soul was being torn from me. Tears silently streamed down my cheeks as my vision spotted. My last memory was of Aaron reminding me of a promise we had made in seventh grade.

I sat down at my desk, fiddling with a piece of paper. Aaron took his assigned seat beside me silently, in his usual depressed mood. When I said nothing, he looked over at me.

I was usually hyper and loud.

Now I wasn't.

"Can I... trust you?" I asked softly. He nodded. I don't know why, but I just wanted to tell him. I had to tell someone, and he was my only option with all of the rumors going around right now. So I pulled up my pants leg and showed him were I had viciously sliced my leg open with a piece of glass, and stitched the wound together. I had taken off the bandage so he could see. Aaron choked back a gasp.

"Promise me something, Kairi," he whispered. I looked in his eyes and we both knew what we were promising.

"I promise I won't kill myself, I'll only die if you do." He nodded. It was a mutual understandment of ourselves and the other. If one died, the other couldn't survive. It was impossible.

I had gone into a coma. What happened in my coma, what I saw... it's what made me this way today. I was in a coma for eighteen months. When I came out of it, I went into physical therapy, and got back into training for the army. I don't know how, but Shelby had convinced them I didn't need psychological help. I still thank her for that. I graduated highschool with a test, but for the last month, I attended the classes anyways because Aaron wanted me too.

And here I am.


I walked into the house and up the stairs, shoving my bag into my room and onto my simple bed. I turned on the stereo on full volume, shutting and locking my door behind me. I didn't question why Edward wasn't home right now, I just got started working. I was learning how to handle a broadsword just for kicks and to strengthen my arms, but I couldn't lift it. My trainer had assigned me to do push-ups and pull-ups when I was home, so for the next four hours, that's what I did.


After the sun had set, and I heard Shelby's car pull into the drive-way, I made my way downstairs, grabbed a sandwhich from the fridge, a waterbottle, and a pack of fruit snacks and stuffed them in my shoulder bag. I was picking up my motorcycle tonight. And I was leaving tomorrow.

I walked out the door, ignoring Shelby's chipper and heartless 'Hey, sweety. How was school?'. The idiot didn't even know school was out. I walked past her without a word.


I handed the man all of the extra money I had been saving up. The mechanic grinned.

"I wondered if you really were gonna come pick up this heap a junk. Most pretty ladies don't like ta get their hands dirty, n' at your age they usually don't like nothin' that don't look nice 'n' shiny." I nodded.

"I ain't most girls." He grinned.

"That's for sure." I realized instantly that he was going to flirt with me and rolled my eyes. I signed my name on the contract, and handed it to him.

"Anything else or can I go?"

"Ah, yeah. Contract with me boss says ya get a free gass card, a free tune up if ya ever need it," I nodded, listening. I wouldn't need the tune-up. I was good with machines. "Oh, and ya get a free cellphone as this months special, with a two-year contract." I grinned. Now that was worth the three-thousand dollars I had put into this bike.

It was a huge machine, with add-ons, and everything imaginable. The old man that owned this place had been a friend for a while. I had worked for him for one-summer, and I had actually started building this bikes engine by myself. It was my own design and everything. It was a powerful bike. It was also considered illegal in some states, including this one. But it wasn't illegal where I was going. Texas. I was going to Texas, to get into my next training program for the army. I was going to be a special-ops. A covert operations officer. Whatever you wanted to call it, three years ago I had signed a contract that said I would cover the 'special' operations of the government, since they rarely could start training someone so young.

I was going to do the president's dirty work. The illegal.


I sat under the bridge, leaning against my bike which was lain on its side, watching the sunset while I ate. Ducks milled about me, wary of my bike, but still hungry enough to aproach.

My bag was packed. I had my clothes, my sketch books, my prized posessions, a few sets of thumb drives, my weapons, everything I would need, including about five-thousand dollars of cash. Hopefully it could get me from Washington to Texas.

I pulled out my cellphone, holding it curiously. With an extra forty bucks, it had come with unlimited internet access on that contract. The old man really didn't want to be caught with this bike.

I logged on to a website I had used when I was younger. It was called Deviantart. I opened up 'update journal' and titled it 'These Words I'll Never Say'. When Shelby reported my missing persons case, she would label this as one of my most used websites, not knowing a thing about me anymore. She and everyone else would read this. And the police would drop the case once the FBI discovered the case and drop it.

No more questions would be asked.

No one would mourn.

And I could start a new life.

Dear Mother,

I used to love you. I used to be your baby girl. But you made your choice. You chose your lover. I don't blame you. No. I do. But I forgive you. You will face hell, once you face your God in his judging, if that is what will truly happen. But remember, I have been in the devils hands, disguised as fate, since I was born.

Dear Father,

How many years has it been since you heard me say that word to you without spite? Truth is, no matter what, I still remember you being my Daddy. I still love you, and mommy, in a cold corner of my heart. But I'm killing that corner when I leave tonight. But a quick thing I've always wanted to say: You call this your promise land when children starve, people die, and hell consumes us all? No wonder he is your God. One who picks his favorites, and leaves the rest for the devil. Even the innocent, helpless children.

And Dear Aaron,

Tell the others I forgive them for anything they've done. Tell them I won't miss them. I'll always remember you. And I won't wish for wings. I swear.

With a sad sigh, I turned off the phone, stuffed it in my pocket, and climbed on my bike.


This procedure was familiar. My new trainer, who said I would be his primary 'project' for the next year wanted to put me through it. I had been through the physical examinations twice, for two different organizations.

Name? Kairi.

I had had it changed on the way here. That phone was a blessing.

Age? Nineteen.

Just out of highschool.

Height? 5' 4"

Just about an inch shorter than everyone else.

Weight? 160.

Mainly muscle. I don't eat much. I don't really get hungry.

Normal heart-rate? Seventy-two beats.

Average.

Temperature? 98 flat.

Average as well.

Scoliosis? Nope.

My spine is healthy.

Breathing? Proper.

I wouldn't have gotten this far if I couldn't breath properly.

Rashes, skin discoloration, or skin cancer? Nope.

I've always had perfect skin.

Breast cancer? Thank god, not.

I'm so glad I have a female doctor.

Eyes, throat, teeth and ears? Slightly bad hearing from loud noises at young ages, and some dust from the desert. Average.

That's my parents fault.

Reflexes? Good.

I nearly kicked the doctor.

Blood test? Results pending.

God, those take forever.

After I was done with the doctor here, a techinician escorted me to the labs were they tested for stamina. They hooked me up to an oxygen mask and a bunch of monitors and had me run five miles. I ran four on average, so it got a tad bit hard, but barely.

After that they tested me on weapons.

Guns? Average.

Knives? Above Average.

Swords? Above Average.

Hand to hand combat? Average.

Then they tested me on my medicals. I was average on everything. As usual. After that was a set of intelligence exams, from mathematics, to foreign languages. I got average on about everything except geography, in which they handed me a very large text book and gave me directions to my dorm room.

If my blood tests came back average or better, I would be COS. A Covert Operations Soldier.


"Tomorrow I'm working on your shotgun. They neglect that to much."

"Remember, Alecs, I'm being sent out on my first job tomorrow." The man rolled his eyes.

"And you remember I got in this program for my memory. You didn't." I nodded, saluting the veteran soldier before leaving the shooting range and getting into the elevator. My life had changed completely in the past two years.

I had finally escaped my past. All of my coworkers only knew of my last two years. And Aaron. I had called him last year. It hadn't gone well.

"Hello?"

"Hello Ms. Scoble. May I speak to Aaron?"

"Of course. Is this about Harvard?" I always knew he'd do well.

"Not really. Just an old friend."

"Well, here he is."

"Hello?"

"Guess who, Otou-chan," I whispered softly. I heard his breath catch, and then release in a shaky whoosh.

"Is... Is this some kind of sick joke?"

"No. It's really me." I felt horrible.

"Kairi?"

"Yeah."

"Oh my God, are you allright? Shelby said you got kidnapped? Are they holding you hostage?" He was panicked.

"No, no, no, Aaron! I'm a covert operations soldier now. I left. I'm so sorry."

"Why the hell?"

"I wanted to escape my past... maybe this call was a bad idea..." I felt like crying.

"No, don't hang up. I'm sorry, I'm just on edge. Me and Exene are getting married before we go to Harvard in a few weeks."

"Congrats. What are you taking?"

"She's taking art and creative writing. I'm taking law and forensic psychology. Go figure. You used to want to take psychology."

"You still remember? Wow."

"You know, I actually saved you an invatation on the wedding... I know it sounds pitiful... but I was hoping you'd come back." Apparently he hadn't seen my message.

"Look up Kairi in Texas if you want to see me."

"You're not coming, are you? You know, she's pregnate. I finally knocked her up."

"I hope it's a cute kid."

"It's a girl. We're naming it Elizabeth." My middle name.

"Goodbye Aaron."

"Goodbye Kairi. Don't wish for wings."

I had actually come to the wedding, or tried. But no one would know. I had perched myself in a tree in the forest at the park they were having the wedding, decked out in black since it was a moonlit wedding. Aaron's dream wedding. Exene's wedding. Exene had looked about four months along. When I saw Aaron look at Exene walking down the isle though, I knew he wouldn't miss me, and I left right then and there, and left my past in the past forever.

But I would always remember.


I held up the gun, breathing hard as I clutched at my side. Suddenly, another bullet shredded through the back of my knee. I cried out, firing in surprise, but it went far from my target, and I collapsed to the ground on my stomach.

"Stupid whore. You'll pay. They'll never find you."

I don't know why I suddenly feared death. Was it the fact that I now had a life? A happy one? No matter how false it really was, no matter how much of a show it was, I was still happy. I didn't want to die.

"Oh, don't worry, I won't kill you."

The tall woman crouched in front of me, her long slender black hand wrapping around my neck.

As everything faded to the black of unconciousness, I remembered Aaron's words.

"Don't wish for wings."


I groaned, clutching at my head as I came back into conciousness. I was laying in dust, and my entire body hurt. I sat up, and looked around. I cursed.

I was in the back alley-way streets of Midgar on the fifth plate.

And I knew because I'd been here before. Four years ago.


A/N: I apologize very much for practically this entire chapter being just Kairi's past. But I was making her character, making the prologue, and laying some mystery. But I dedicate this to the story Prelude of Ruin by SacredXmoon, because she inspired this, and chapter two helped out with the soldier examinations.

Stay tuned. I'll be working hard, since I've never played the game, only watched the movie Advent Children. And read ALOT of fanfiction.