As much as I wanted her, the most I could ever do was watch her. Watch her and pretend. Take in her beauty, for I had none of my own, and enjoy it. It was blatant, the way I watched her, but she never seemed to notice because she never seemed to notice me.
I had tried to be loud around her, having loud conversations with Pansy so that she would just look my way, just once…but she never did. The closest I've ever gotten to her was in our second year, when we were paired up for a duel. The intensity of it, my nerves…I hadn't liked her for any extended period of time at that point, but I was still nervous about finally getting to stare at her eye-to-eye. I can't seem to recall much of how it felt to have my heavy body fall on top of her slender form, because it was so short-lived, but I fantasize about it often.
Her body…against mine. To touch her would be divine. I recited lame on-the-spot poetry as I sat behind her in Potions. Half of me wished her bushy hair wouldn't cover up her shoulders, so I could imagine my hands shooting out in front of me and pulling her in, but half of me just wanted to bury myself in it. In her. God, how my grades would skyrocket if I didn't share classes with her!
When I walked back to my room in the evening, I decided to try and come up with ways that I could get her to talk to me. I had never gone so far as to even think of such a thing, as forbidden and heavenly as her existence was to me, but I could hardly control myself anymore. I have wanted her for too long, and my desires have run too deep. She controls my mind, my actions, my dreams, and if I didn't have her soon, I wasn't sure I could continue living in the same world as Hermione Granger.
I made it back to my room and looked in the mirror for the first time in what seemed like a long time. My large, unattractive face stared back at me. I tried to find something, anything that someone could find attractive in me, and found nothing. I didn't think that anyone could ever find anything. I backed up and looked at my body. I had big breasts, I guess. The rest of me was also big. I walked into my bedroom and lay down in bed. I thought more of what I would say to her, and how her facial expression would reek of repulsion when she had to look at me.
I dreamt of her. Of holding her. Her body, in my arms, in my bed. I dreamt of turning her on her back, lying on top of her, kissing her, feeling her small, firm breasts push into me, her arms around me, wanting me. I woke up wet, as usual. There was no Hermione in my bed, but I closed my eyes and tried to hold onto the feeling I had in the dream as long as possible. I wiped the sweat off of my brow and moved my hand down lower. I couldn't help myself. I touched slowly at first, imagining her lowering her head in between my legs, the heat from her breath torturing my throbbing sex, until I could no longer take it and began to move my fingers faster. Her image blurred through my mind as I moved my fingers, and I was starting to find it hard to concentrate on her face. I hadn't seen her face up close for so long, I just had to imagine…
I relaxed, breathing heavily. My roommates all had earlier classes than I did, so I was fortunately alone and not worried about making noise. I had gotten good at this, too, doing it so often. My deft fingers worked their own kind of magic whenever I needed them to, and I was thankful for that.
I heard a loud boom outside and turned my head towards the window. It was a rainy, stormy day, and it was already fairly dark considering it was 10 AM. I groaned into my pillow before getting up and getting dressed for classes.
My first class, Charms, was not with Hermione. Consequently, it was my best class. I don't like to admit that I'm not the brightest witch of our year (although I wish I was; perhaps then Hermione would pay attention to me), but I did enjoy the class. Part of each class included trying out the spells we had learned that day, and I just loved shooting spells at people.
"Bulstrode," Goyle grunted, getting up from the stone ground after I shot today's jinx at him. "Nice one." He patted me on the shoulder as he passed. His praise meant nothing to me, but I responded with a "Thanks" anyway. I vaguely wondered if he was interested in me, and then immediately dismissed the idea. I knew he would probably take what he could get if I offered myself to him, but I was positive that he didn't actively desire me.
Not like I desired Hermione.
There was some commotion going on at the front of the room. I snapped out of my Hermione-centric mind and saw that Professor Flitwick was calling the class to attention.
"Students! Students! Professor Dumbledore has just informed me that…oh yes…" he looked closer at a small piece of parchment in his hands, "because of the weather conditions today, those of you taking Astronomy are not required to go to class; tonight's lecture was supposed to be outdoor stargazing." There was a small murmur of happiness at this statement. I was probably the only one in the room who was slightly disappointed; Astronomy was one of the classes I had with Hermione.
"That said," Flitwick continued, "the assignment will be extra credit if you do decide to go to class." This statement first struck me as pointless; who would want to try and stargaze in the rain for a few measly extra points? Then the answer came brilliantly shining into my mind: Hermione Granger.
