River Song ran down the halls of the TARDIS, pursued by none other than the Doctor himself.
"River!"
She ignored him, tears stinging her eyes. She brushed them away absentmindedly with the back of her hand, quickly turning down a corner to throw him off. She kept running, her only intention; "hiding the damage."
"River! Come on, what did I do?!" The Doctor pulled out his Sonic screwdriver, locking it's familiar green pulse on her location. He didn't know what he'd done, only that she was obviously upset; and that she was determined to keep her emotions away from him.
But the TARDIS had other plans. Her Thief and her Child were in trouble, and she didn't like it. She let out a frustrated groan, seeing that River didn't want to be found by him. Instead, it was almost like she was trying to get herself lost in the long, endless halls. She wanted to help them both, but at the same time knew they wouldn't like how she would end up helping them. Still, she decided to give them a little nudge to see if she could get them to sort it out themselves.
River sprinted through the halls, her breath coming out in unsteady hiccups. She kept running, the TARDIS providing her the occasional shortcut. She didn't want to stop. Her whole life she'd known that the Doctor and she were at opposite ends. Their lives were out of sync and were going to stay that way; regardless of how much it hurt sometimes. She loved him, she truly did: but with their gyrating timelines it was almost impossible not to worry about the day when it all ended.
And then she'd be alone. Sure, she could keep running across the universe…but for how much longer? She was still a wanted fugitive across the galaxy, how long would it take for someone to notice her and rat her out? And she couldn't be alone again. Not again. Her whole life she'd felt that there was no one. No one to care for her, no one to look out for her, no one who would come to rescue her and take her away from her horrible life.
And then she met him. The Doctor. When she regenerated for her third and final time. The day she gave up everything. All her regenerations, all those lives; to a man she'd only just met. And so started their story: The Doctor and River Song. The Last of the Time Lords and the Child of the TARDIS. They both understood what it was like to be alone, and they vowed never to let each other feel that ever again. But, despite their best efforts they were still doomed. Doomed to be moving in opposite directions forever.
She turned down a corner, only to find a dead end where the hall once was. She stopped, gasping for breath through her tears.
A familiar, distant hum let her know that the TARDIS had something to do with her current location. She clenched her fists in a vain attempt to pull herself together, though she couldn't even take a breath without her chest being wracked with sobs.
"River!"
Oh, bloody brilliant…just brilliant... She thought to herself, taking a shaky breath and still desperately trying to "hide the damage" before turning around to face the confused Time Lord.
"H-Hello…" She trailed off, failing to deliver the rest of her signature line.
"Oh, River…" He turned off his Sonic, his dark brown eyes meeting her red, tear-stained blue-grey ones. He wanted to reach out to her, to take her in his arms and let her know that everything was going to be alright. But they both knew it wasn't. And the more he reached out, the more she pulled away. And they both knew the reason why: neither one of them could handle the day that their timelines ceased to cross.
"River..." He reached a hand out to her, but she turned away; placing her back towards him.
"D-Don't." She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to death that he'd just leave, taking his damn twelve-year-old complexion with him.
"River, I'm not leaving."
She looked up at him, shocked and slightly offended that he would read her mind at a time like this.
"Sorry." He apologized, drawing back and leaning up against the wall beside her.
"You always leave your mind open when you're upset, I-I just-"
"-Well, f-forget it." She muttered, rubbing her eyes with the back of her free hand.
"D-Don't worry about me, I-I'm…"
"You aren't fine, and won't convince me otherwise that you are. Could you just tell me what I did?"
"Y-You…" She took a breath, trying to steady her breathing.
"…You didn't do anything."
The Doctor looked at her, brushing his long, brown bangs out of his eyes.
"Well then, what is it?"
She sighed heavily, regaining some of her composure as she brushed her own, frizzy blonde hair out of her eyes.
"…T-Today's the anniversary of my parent's death." She stated, her eyes drifting down to the floor.
"Oh, River…"
He took her hands, pulling her into a reluctant embrace. She stayed rigid, but slowly gave in; gradually relaxing into it.
"I-I didn't even think I would…I-I mean, I'd been…But today, y-you didn't even remember, a-and I-I-"
"-River, it's okay."
She pulled away, not because she didn't enjoy the care, but because she knew how much it would hurt when he no longer remembered.
"No, y-you're right…I-I'm fine."
"River…" He lowered his voice, knowing that this was just another one of her many ways to "hide the damage."
She shook her head, trying to make her act as convincing as possible.
"N-No, really. I-I'm fine now." She sniffed, straitening up and even flashing him one of her smiles; even though he could see the heartache concealed behind it.
"I-I actually think I'm going to head to my room." She said, rubbing her eyes and clearing her throat. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, before turning and walking down the hall. And the Doctor watched her leave, his hearts breaking into fourths.
Later that night, the Doctor approached the dark, mahogany door to River's room. He could hear her sniffling through the wood of the doorframe, but he knew she wouldn't let her walls down for him. Maybe later, but not now.
He pulled a letter out of his tweed jacket pocket, bending down and sliding it under the slot under the door; taking one last glance before walking back to his room.
River heard his footsteps outside her door, and she knew exactly what was in the envelope. But she couldn't bring herself to get up from her bed. She sat up, her comforter, cocooned around her shoulders as she stared at the ominous, TARDIS-Blue envelope now sitting on her floor. Unable to bring herself to get out of bed, she lay back down, hugging the blanket around herself. And the fact that the stationary only reminded her of the day she had to watch herself kill the man she loved really wasn't helping her current situation.
She was all out of tears, so she just lay there in awful silence; her head pounding from the lack of water in her system. She sniffed, staring at the wall across from her.
Alone. She couldn't be left on her own again. She was taken from her parents before she could even remember them, and then they were taken from her by the Weeping Angels before their time. God, there was so much she wished she could've told them…
Her shoulders were wracked with silent sobs as she pressed her face into her pillow, completely exhausting herself until she couldn't cry any longer; falling into a deep, dark, dreamless sleep.
The Doctor opened the door to River Song's room, poking his head through the doorway. Seeing that she was indeed asleep, he walked into her room, clutching a small, slender, metallic object in his hand. He bent down next to her bedside, noting all the tear-stains that tracked down her cheeks. She was asleep, and yet she still held the same tight composure that she did when she was awake.
He sighed, laying the metal device on her bedside before bending down and planting a kiss on her forehead, getting up and walking out the door.
River opened her eyes just enough to see him close the door behind him. She turned over, looking to see what he had left on her night table. A familiar, metallic sheen flashed back at her; and she sat up instantly. She grabbed the device off her desk, holding it in her hands.
A Sonic Screwdriver. Her Sonic Screwdriver. Sniffling, she rubbed her eyes; holding her Sonic out to the light switch, flipping it on and shutting the lights off with a flick of her wrist.
R&R Please!
