Worth the Wait
Summary: Shortly after his fifth birthday, Sirius Black's soulmate stops all communication with him, and he concludes that something terrible must have happened to his soulmate. He vows to find out what has happened to his soulmate and never love another until he knows for sure.
Just before his fifth birthday, Remus Lupin is bitten by a werewolf. After he is irrevocably changed forever, his soulmate no longer answers him directly, and Remus can only assume that he knows the truth and is disgusted by what Remus has become. After all, he knows monsters don't get to have soulmates.
Chapter One: First Impressions
Chapter Summary: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin finally find out what their soulmate mark is and the existence of each other.
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No one knew for certain how soulmates or marks worked, because it seemed as though there were countless ways to be marked. Some people had never-changing phrases on their skin that would darken at the right moment, others had black lined drawings that would bleed with colors when they found their soulmate, and others still had what seemed to be nothing. Sirius Black fell into the latter category. Both his arms were unmarked ever since he could remember.
When his brother was born, Regulus Black had a tiny uncolored feather on the inside of his left wrist. Looking at it always made Sirius burn bright with jealousy. When he asked his mother about this, he was told that as a Black, he shouldn't concern himself with such nonsense. What did soulmates matter when his life was already planned out for him? His future was already decided for him, and it would be better than anything his soulmate could offer. Sirius noted that his mother's gray words on her wrist were still that—gray. Sirius was never allowed close enough to his father to pull at his sleeves to see if his father's wrist was similarly unmarked.
It was on a cold November day, a couple of weeks after his fourth birthday, that he noticed something on his wrist. It was tiny, and if he hadn't looked upon his own terribly boring, unmarked skin for ages he would have missed it. But the longer he stared at it, the larger the tiny red dot grew. Unsymmetrically, as if by accident, almost like a smudge. Sirius could feel his pulse race underneath the skin of his wrist. He could feel the magic and excitement of what this all meant. He watched, transfixed as the red slowly became smudged with blue, turning into a badly mixed purple, and he wondered what his soulmate was doing. It seemed like paint. Sirius smiled, his heart filled with a lightness he didn't know could exist.
Sirius stumbled over to his desk, not wanting to take his eyes off his arm, but at the same time, wanting to let his soulmate know about him. I'm here too, he thought as he looked around his desk for the bottle of ink. He frowned slightly when he realized he couldn't reciprocate in color, but black ink was all he was allowed to have for his quills. Forgoing said quill, Sirius dipped his right index finger into the inkwell, then hesitated.
What if his soulmate didn't want him? Mother had never matched with her soulmate, and he assumed his father hadn't either. Sirius bit his lip as all the words his mother had said about soulmates came back to him. About how the whole business was unnecessary rubbish. And if his mother had already planned his future, what good would it do to get to know his soulmate if he couldn't have them?
In his hesitation, a drop of ink spilled from his fingertip onto this forearm, marring the graceful mix of reds and blues (and greens!—when had that happened?) with a tiny drop of black. Sucking in a deep breath, Sirius carefully spelled out the word 'Hi' on his forearm and waited.
It wasn't long before there was a shaky, yet deliberate, tracing of his simple word in a bright pink color, swallowing the black. Beneath the word, his soulmate had also added two pink dots, and an upside down arc below them. A smiling face, Sirius thought. He quickly hurried to copy the face with his own ink stained finger, his own face mirroring the expression he had on his arm.
Sirius Black wondered if it was possible to fall in love with someone you didn't know at all.
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Ever since he could remember, the two most favorite things in the world for Remus Lupin were his parents' forearms. His mother had delicate floral designs, twisting and weaving in and out of vines running down from elbow to wrist, each filled with the softest pastel watercolors he had ever seen. If he closed his eyes and imagined really hard, Remus could almost smell the flowers and drift off, as if he was actually in a meadow in the wild.
His father, on the other hand, had the sea painted on him. The color of the ocean changed from different blues to a seafoam green to almost pitch black at times, and the sea creatures were never the same. Octopus tentacles, glittering fish scales, and Remus even once saw an angel fish in the dark. He loved touching his father's moving scenery almost as much as he loved his mother's constant peacefulness of flowers. He felt safe and protected in either of his parents' arms.
It sometimes made him a little sad that he didn't have anything on his own arms, but his mother was always quick to remind him that before she had met his father, her own designs were a lot duller and completely devoid of color. "You're young, love. You've got all the time in the world for your arm to bloom," she said, and he giggled at her flower reference. He tried not to think about his own arms too much after that.
As a child, Remus loved spending time with his mother while his father worked and traveled for business. He loved baking with her, and helping her garden (even if he did fall asleep outside more often than not). Whenever she tried out a new hobby, she was always sure to include him. It was thanks to his mother's random interest in finger painting that he learned what his soulmate mark was.
As careful as he was to keep the paints only on his fingers, it inevitably drifted down to his hands, wrists and forearms. As he focused intently on the paper in front of him, he almost startled when he heard his mother gasp.
"Oh, Remus, look!" She came over to him and pointed at his arm, where two black letters were staring up at him. He certainly had no memory of writing on his own skin.
Without thinking, he started tracing the black letters on his skin. Were they from his soulmate? His heart started beating faster with wonder. He had one! There was someone out there for him. He wasn't forgotten, after all. Not that he doubted his mother much, but it was comforting to know that what his soulmate mark finally was.
He grinned up at his mother to see her smiling back at him. "Mum, what does it say?"
"It says hi darling. It's in English," she said as she kissed him on his head.
Remus carefully drew a smiley face underneath the letters. His soulmate was so smart, he thought. He felt his body flush with warmth when, a minute later, black ink traced his smiley face back at him.
"They like me!" he exclaimed, and his mother laughed.
"Well, of course!" she said and scooped him into her arms to kiss him everywhere.
Remus let out a squeal of laughter and he halfhearted struggled in his mother's arms, getting paint everywhere his tiny hands could reach. It felt like his world had finally bloomed in color.
