He first diagnoses himself with depression when he's 13.
It's not that bad. He tells himself at first. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything.
And he really isn't.
Not at first.
So he brushes it off. Like... it's normal to feel sad sometimes, right?
But the truth smacks him on the face, and he (idiot that he is) tries to hide it with a smile.
Takeshi's really good at smiling.
He's never really realized how good at acting he is... not until that first night when he seriously contemplates if there's a way to commit suicide without causing his father pain (there isn't, and that's what's kept him alive so long) and then the next morning he laughs and someone comments that he's always happy.
It feels like a slap to the face, but Takeshi just laughs and pretends to agree.
When did it get this easy?
When he plays baseball, he stops thinking. His eyes aren't burning, his chest isn't tight, there's nothing but the mindless adrenaline, and Takeshi falls head over heels in love.
So whenever he feels frustrated, he plays, and playing, he finds that the odd numbness, or the tight restrictiveness in his chest melts away, and it's alright, at least for that magical moment while he's still playing.
Then he starts failing.
And he falls into a black hole of being overwhelmed by something that's not even there, finds himself wondering if baseball can't be his haven anymore and suddenly it's harder to run, and even when he's playing baseball, his mind is spinning.
He breaks his arm.
And it's like whiplash, going from baseball to feeling completely and utterly useless and stupid and god, can't he get anything right?
He stands on the edge of the roof the next morning, a silent apology to his dad on his lips.
And Tsuna comes.
He doesn't treat Takeshi like glass... doesn't act fake... doesn't really seem to think.
But he's honest.
And he cares.
And maybe, maybe that's enough.
It's just a fun little game at first, being with Tsuna.
He's kinda chill, and funny, and oddly enough, watching Tsuna freak out with that little baby makes Takeshi laugh, something he hasn't really done for more than a year.
He doesn't really think that Tsuna cares... how could he, when Takeshi's so screwed up?
Reborn even admits it, saying with a cold admiration, "A natural born killer."
The thought disgusts and fascinates Takeshi.
Tsuna accepts him with it, though, and as they fight the Varia and Tsuna risks his life to save Lambo's, the thought of, does he feel that way about me too, rushes through Takeshi's mind.
No way. Impossible.
And yet, Tsuna does.
Then, in a whirlwind, they've somehow become famaglia, and Takeshi can feel his chest loosen, and whoa.
He's laughing.
And his chest is light, and...
Is he better now?
He laughs at something that Hayato says, and thinks, yeah.
He's come so far from the little boy on the edge of that roof.
A/N: Hm, something happened. Hope you liked it. Did you? What'd you think? I feel like Takeshi's mental health isn't touched that often. I didn't really expand too much, just touched it a little, in hopes that someone else will take up the task of wriggling into his mind. What did you guys think? Any of you guys have experience with mental illness that says this is wrong or okay?
