A/N – This fic just came to me last night. I wanted to write angst, so here's my attempt. This chapter is really based on my last relationship, I figured if I wanted to write angst the best way to do it was to write about my own angst! Is that crazy? Haha. Let me know what you think. This story is probably going to be on the shorter side, about 6-10 chapters. Oh and yes, some of these characters are based on people I actually know.. names have been changed to protect the innocent. Yes, I do actually own a 90lb Labrador who hates men! "Nessie" is real ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters, however I do own the fucked up relationship story in this first chapter!

Chapter 1:


Cause nobody wants to do it on their own

And everyone wants to know they aren't alone

There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somebody out there for me

I grit my teeth so hard I was afraid they were going to crack, and my first gripped the steering wheel so hard my skin turned white against my knuckles. I adored Nickleback but this song struck a chord of anger within me, especially when I was drunk.

I probably shouldn't even be driving, but I was almost home.

It was another Saturday night I spent out at the bar, at least this time I was with a couple of friends. I was making trips to the bar alone too much of a habit lately. Drinking alone is not a good thing; in fact it's a pretty damn scary thing when some creeper sits next to you at the bar.

I've had to fight off the urge of putting a napkin over my glass to fend off the possible roofie.

But then again, who would even want to slip me a roofie in the first place.

The gravel crunched under the tires of my car as I drove up the slope of the driveway. Climbing out of the car I grabbed my phone seeing I had a text message from Alice who was one of the friends I was out with tonight.

Let me know when you make it home! –Alice

I juggled my purse and keys with one hand as I quickly typed her a reply. Opening the door now. See ya later. –B

I loved Alice to death. She was my best friend, but I was also always the third fucking wheel with her and her husband Jasper. When I did manage to steal Alice away from Jasper she was usually preoccupied and the nights usually ended long before I was ready.

I was a little peeved tonight because of this; I was at my bar and I was eyeing up this bartender I had been crushing on for only about six months. His name was Jacob, he was 25 and he was nice and funny and would give me free drinks. What the fuck did that mean?

He didn't know that I was 29 and about to say hello to my 30th birthday in a few short months. But wasn't age just a number?

I sighed as I unlocked the door before I was greeted by my overly large Labrador Retriever, Nessie. Yeah, I can't remember what I was smoking the day I named her. Nessie was great, and I loved her. She was really my only true friend sometimes. She listened when I talked and never told any of my secrets to anyone.

Not to mention she never judged me.

The problem? Nessie hated anything that had a penis. A 90lb barking and snarling dog can be quite scary to possible suitors.

Ask me how I fucking know that.

Nessie wasn't always like that. This was new. This started after my ex; also Nessie's co-owner moved the fuck out of our shared home. Emmett and I lived together for two years, until things got tense. I was paying for everything and then one night PMS and too many Miller Lites got the best of me.

"Where is this going Em? I just want to know why I am doing what I'm doing. Is this relationship going anywhere?" I had to ask. It was weighing on my mind. It was a fair question, or so my delusional drunken self thought.

"You know I don't want to get married Bella." He was stone cold as he answered.

"Why? I'm not talking tomorrow or hell even next year Emmett. But is this ever going to go anywhere?"

He didn't answer me till three days later.

"This is over. I'm leaving." He was emotionless on the couch as he told me.

I broke down that night, sobbed for hours. He came in the bedroom and asked me if I wanted him to leave that night and find somewhere to stay. Of course me being the doormat I am said no.

Emmett didn't speak to me again until two more days passed when he called me that Friday afternoon. "You better get the utilities switched into your name, I'm out tonight."

How the fuck do you find a place in two days? TWO DAYS?

I sobbed again, begged him to talk with me and work this out. He refused.

That night, I was due at a rehearsal dinner for a wedding I was in. Want to know the real kick in the nuts? It was his sister, Leah's wedding. So while I put on my happy face and did what I needed to do while he was literally moving all of his shit out in a three-hour time span. THREE hours, who does that?

I knew the family was whispering behind my back.

I came home that night and my heart felt as empty as my place was, and honestly I've only felt the comfortable numbness ever since.

I scolded myself for thinking about it. I hated when I did this, and I had a tendency to do it while I was drunk. I clipped Nessie's leash to her and took her outside. The night air was cool, and I could see the stars. After she did what she needed to do she happily lead the way back to the front porch, I glanced at the empty parking space next to my car before going back inside. I didn't want to go down this road tonight but I already made the turn and there was no way I was going to stop myself.

Hurt fucking hurts.

It was late, but I wasn't that tired. On my way to the computer desk I stopped at the fridge and pulled out another ice-cold beer, I wasn't ready to call it night quite yet.

It was almost two years, and it still stung like it was yesterday.

The beer was going down all too easy, and I knew I should really walk away from the computer. I was going to put something on my Facebook that was going to as usual cause a shitload of drama.

I never did understand why that was.

No matter what I said, when I posted on how I felt people felt the need to tell me about it. That's great, but in my opinion they could just fuck off.

You aren't there to talk to me when I'm feeling down so mind your business.

I logged in and scrolled through the various posts on the feed. It was mostly just a bunch of posts from games and other stupid bullshit. I clicked on the box and began to think about what I wanted to type there. I thought about the lyrics from another wonderful Nickelback song that used to be Emmett's ringtone.

In my status box I typed lyrics from Far Away. I wanted. I wanted you to stay. Cause I needed. I need to hear you say, I love you.

I knew by morning someone would have some smartass comment to make about it. I turned in my chair and studied the emptiness of my place. Sometimes I could still see him, lounging on the couch or simply just walking by me.

I shut my eyes tightly and thought about Jacob.

He was cute and super nice to me. He even let me read a short story he wrote for a class after I told him I write as a hobby. It was funny and well written. We laughed.

But I never had the balls to ask him out or to even really get too personal.

What. The. Fuck. Bella. Oh great. I pissed off the inner me. Grow some damn balls. What's the worst that will happen, you'll get rejected? Find out he has a girlfriend? Then you just find another damn bar to go to and wallow your sorrows in. Shouldn't be hard around here!

That's just what I was afraid of, finding out he had a girlfriend. He was always texting someone on his phone while I was there.

Eh, who the fuck are you kidding Swan? Jacob is so far out of your league that you aren't even good enough to be gum on the bottom of his shoe!

I was right. Jacob was handsome, dark hair and eyes and beautiful russet color skin. He was muscular I could tell because his shirts were always very tight on his biceps.

A drop of drool hit my hand and I opened my eyes.

You are just plain jane Bella Swan with nothing to offer a man like him.

I sighed and chugged the rest of my beer before heading off to join Nessie in bed.

Yup, how sad. The only person you've shared a bed with for almost a year is your dog! And the last person you had sex with was Emmett because he booty called you and you thought it meant he wanted you back! You are in sad shape Bella. Better go out and get a couple of cats now, start your collection early.

Thank you drunk inner self, I was going to go and slit my wrists now.


A/N – And there we have it. Let me know what you guys think.