Castiel felt the rain pound hard on his head, but he didn't feel it. He was consumed in the emotions and thoughts that were close to blasphemy. He didn't even know why he was here but, strangely, it felt like the right thing to do.
Castiel walked towards the church, he could hear the priest clearing things from the altar after another day, ready to lock up. He didn't want to come during the day, not with people being there, it would feel like they were invading his privacy between himself and his father.
Castiel gently closed the wooden door behind him not wanting to disturb the priest, however even a human would hear the howls of the furious winds. He walked slowly into the shelter of the cool church where he just stopped and looked around. Cas wasn't normally the one to admire the craftmen ship of humans but this place really was beautiful and deffinatly worthy of being a place to worship God. Snapping out of his admiration he ran his hand over his face and through his hair contemplating why he was there and it was silly but pushing that thought into the back of his mind he took a seat in the back pew.
"Why," was Cas's first word and it echoed around the church and made him feel even smaller.
"Why, did you leave me father? I trusted you in ways… and you won't even help - "
Castiel voice cracked as he felt tears of anger spill and fall down his face. But suddenly he found that he couldn't stop. These were words he had never spoke aloud, not even to Dean. It felt good to finally get it out in the open.
"You ask so much from me, I have been to hell and back for you and this is how you repay me! Even Sam, with all his faith is feeling this doubt that too I share."
"If they really are you favourites why won't you help them, all sins are forgiven but you just hide away! When your family needs you most."
"Why am I even feeling, this, this Human emotion, this weakness. It's becoming more and more frequent now, I just don't know what to do anymore."
Castiel was so involved in pouring out his heart to his absent father he didn't sense the priest approach him until he placed his hand on his shoulder. Strangely though, he didn't flinch or back away from the contact. He welcomed it.
Priest POV:
"Tell, me son, what is troubling you so that you felt the need to come here at this hour?" I said. The words this young man spoke upset me. His father may be absent but that doesn't mean he doesn't love him or that he doesn't care.
"Do you think he cares, Father?" He asked. Given my trail of thought I naturally assumed he meant his Father but I couldn't be sure. I followed his bleary eyed gaze and saw his eyes where fixed upon the crucifix that I had left up when I heard him enter. I wouldn't have found this unusual if the circumstances had been any different but he was staring with such, intensity. I honestly though for a second that this man was crying out to God. My pause was so long that the young man continued.
"Do you think he, God watches over everyone and thinks I'm not going to do anything, just let them carry on in bringing about the end of the world?"
His choice of words confused me, as a priest I rarely missed anything but it wasn't my place to judge. "Answer me this, um, sorry your name?"
"Castiel"
It was an unusual name, but it had a beauty to it. "Well Castiel answer me this, if you asked God for you to do the right thing, do you think he would make you do the right thing, or give you the opportunity to do the right thing."
He looked straight into my eyes. His stare, although it was pleading and broken, it made me want to hide, I didn't feel worthy to so much as look into is endlessly deep blue eyes. Thankfully, he soon looked down and I was released from his beautiful and desperate gaze. What had happened to this man?
"The opportunity - "
I cut him off before he could ponder on what he had said. "And why was that your answer Castiel?"
"So we, think for ourselves, making our own decisions."
I was hoping he would learn a small lesson from this and I felt my message was sinking in. "Yes because that's what makes us Human"
He looked at me again, but his gaze hadn't changed. He still looked troubled. " But… lately I've been feeling, that he's not here anymore, like he doesn't care anymore."
Again, the way he said it, I felt like he was talking directly about God, not just passing the blame onto him. " Why? Have things been bad recently?"
" More than you could begin – I won't bore you with the details. Things just get worse and worse, I just wish he would do something, anything, to show that he still cares…" I wanted to know what was so terrible, I felt compelled to ask even though it wasn't my place.
"If you don't mind me asking, what happened?"
"Do you believe in destiny?" I had to admit I had never really given it much thought but I didn't want to sway Castiel, he was opening up and it would be good for him to put it in words.
"Yeah, I do."
"Well, my friends, these two really kind brothers are bounded by looking out for each other who share everything, are destined for….. I don't know how to put it. They were both chosen, by different sides for a coming war. They have to fight each other. If they're lucky one of them will survive. Even then, I don't think they would ever be the same, not even free and never happy again. Not without the other. They don't want this but they don't have a choice." Castiel paused "Like vessels"
This was more than I expected. His gaze had driffed again and I followed it. He was looking at the picture of Lucifer and Michael. What kind of fight was this? To sides. One walks away. Brothers bounded. Vessels. His beautiful eyes, even when they were broken.
"And, where does God come into this?"
"He doesn't" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I hesitated. I knew why, it was easy to over look it. I knew why God wasn't interfering.
The Apocalypse was very complicated but it fascinated me and I knew that it was written "That the first seal shall be broken When a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks so shall it break."
" Castiel… The righteous man who begins it, is the only one who can finish it."
Castiel froze and shock his head choking or maybe laughing.
"thank you father, you've really helped, I know now that he's still with me, even if I can't feel him."
I may have given him the answer but he needed more. He needed to be reminded.
" I find that something's are too much to cope and to feel that it's God's fault and he's no longer there but remember,
" My son, my precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering When you see only one set of footprints _"
Castiel joined in and we finished the prayer together and our words echoed round the empty church. Equals. Both with faith in God
"it was then I carried you."
Castiel moved gracefully towards the door and then I knew. This man was no man. He was an Angel of the Lord and so much more. I gasped and the thunder clapped. Castiel turned and in the lightning i could see the shadows of his magnificent wings. He looked at me and bowed his head in thanks. I didn't feel worthy but he chose to come here. He let me talk to him. He treated me like an equal, so I would return that to him.
" Remember Castiel. Nobody, Nobody gets left behind."
