Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

Chasing the Wind

This is a three part short that explores Michaela and Sully's thoughts during the episode Running Ghost with a continuation of the ending.

The night was dark, pitch black with the moon and stars hidden from view by a thick cloud cover. With no moonlight shining in, she could barely make out his form on the bed. Pulling her shawl around her, she turned the lamp on the table up a little so that she could see him better. Since the first night when things had been so touch and go, she had left the lamps burning through the night. Now she could see that his eyelids were shut and his breathing regular. Yet she knew that this wasn't a natural sleep but rather a drug induced one. His body needed the rest but because he was in so much pain he found sleeping almost impossible unless Michaela gave him medication to help with the pain and to encourage his sleep.

Her hand rested on the side of the bed close to his own hand laying outside of the sheet. Using her pointer finger, she traced around the edge of his hand several times, letting the feel of the fabric beneath her finger soothe her. There was something comforting about the cool crispness of the sheet and she eagerly embraced it. In all honesty, she was tired and that was why the sheet seemed so inviting. Part of her longed to stretch out on the bed and close her eyes but greater than that was the need to be awake in case he awoke. That is why even now she sat in the rocking chair, never far from the bedside, catching a little sleep here and there but constantly staying on alert to any sound of pain or discomfort on his part.

Taking a staggered breath, she placed her pointer finger on the back of his hand. Gently she stroked the tan skin, being careful not to wake him. She couldn't explain the urge she had to constantly touch him, to assure that he was healing, that he was getting better. Tears sprang to her eyes once again as she hastily wiped them on the sleeve of her robe. Her mind drifted back to the first night she had spent in this chair, the first night she had seen him like this.

From the minute Cloud Dancing had brought him here, bloody and beaten, she had trouble controlling her emotions. Just seeing Sully's form lying in his arms had horrified her. There was sadness and anger swirling around inside of her chest robbing the air from her lungs and making her feel dizzy. His hair, his long hair was matted to his head with dried blood caked in it. His face, the face that she had memorized every feature on, was swollen almost beyond recognition. "What happened?" she asked, the words rushing out of her mouth as she struggled to make sense of the scene before her. Yet she barely heard Cloud Dancing's answer as he laid him out on the bed. Uncontrolled thoughts raced through her brain while she pondered how anyone could beat another human being like this. This couldn't be she thought to herself. This wasn't happening, not now – not to Sully.

Softly, she brushed back his hair to get a better look at the swelling around his eye. Laying a gentle hand on the side of his face, she touched the area imagining how much pain he must be in. She swallowed hard, again finding it difficult to believe that this was really happening. The fingers on her hand were shaking and she tried her best to steady them as she turned her eyes to his chest. Was he breathing was her first thought. A brief moment of joy surged up in her when she thought she saw his chest rise and then fall. If he was still breathing, he was alive.

Cloud Dancing was speaking still and she faintly heard that Sully had asked for her when he had found him. He had asked for her. Normally that would have thrilled her as it did ever time he chose to be with her or to spend time with the family. But this was different- this was life or death. She couldn't help but think that he had spoken her name because he knew how serious his injuries were. That one thought made her doubt her own eyes. What if he wasn't breathing? What if he was already…

"Matthew get me my medical bag," she exclaimed then turned to Cloud Dancing. "I'm going to need your help," she said wondering if the next few moments would confirm her worst fear. Matthew handed her the bag and she sat it on the bed beside him, her fingers fumbling with the clasps as she tried to block out the unpleasant thoughts from her mind. Quickly, her fingers closed around her stethoscope and she lifted one end to her ear while laying the bell against Sully's chest.

The gentle lub-dub of his heart resounded in her ears as the first tear slipped unbidden down her cheek. The minute she had opened the door to see him like this, the emotion had risen up in her yet she had tried hard to fight it back. Professional – she needed to be professional she continued to tell herself over and over. Yet now that she knew he was indeed alive, the thought that he hovered close to death weighed down on her and she couldn't fight the rising knot in her throat any longer. She wiped at the tears but they continued to fall and she knew she would simply have to pretend that they didn't.

That entire night, Cloud Dancing and she had kept a vigil. The silence was broken occasionally by Cloud Dancing's calling out to the spirits and the strangled sobs that escaped Michaela's mouth as she fervently prayed asking God to spare him. Three times during the night she had panicked that he wasn't breathing, only to find herself reassured moments later. In the wee hours of the morning, she had finally managed to drift off to sleep, hoping against hope that he would at least be awake when she woke up.

There was no such luck for as she rose shortly after dawn, she found his condition unchanged from the last time she had checked on him. She knew the longer he remained unconscious, the worse the damage was and that frightened her more than she even thought possible. Michaela had examined him again that morning by the light of the sun, looking for any new areas of swelling or bruising she may have missed the night before. Starting with his face and working her way down, she washed his wounds once again to stay off infection of any kind. Her fingers lingered on his lips as she softly dabbed at the splits inflicted upon him. From this position, she could feel the soft tickle of his breath on the back of her hand and it reassured her.

Moving the sheet down to his waist, she examined the bruising on his chest and arms. She was sure he had a couple broken ribs and she silently thanked God that they had not punctured his lung. Frustration set in as she had no way to know what other injuries were on the inside – was he bleeding internally, were other bones broken – she had no way to know these answers. Desperately, she needed him to wake up. Running her hand over his chest, she felt her own heart quicken within her. Even with him injured as he was or maybe more so because he was injured, she couldn't stop thinking about him and wondering what exactly their relationship was. Every time he was near, her heart sped up exactly like it was now. Sometimes he would look at her, his eyes lingering on her face making her stomach twist into knots. This was crazy, she chided herself. Certainly this was no time to be thinking about such things when he still hovered so near to death. Or maybe it was exactly the time to be thinking about such things because when she considered the possibility of losing him it was clear that her feelings ran deeper than she was even aware.

And so the second day of waiting had passed. Still Cloud Dancing remained with them, allowing Michaela to get a few stolen hours of sleep that night. During one point, she had actually dreamed that Sully was awake. He had sat up in bed, his injuries remarkably healed. Yet when she had awoken, the hope that had surged up inside of her chest hastily departed leaving the stinging emptiness that made her tears fall once again.

That morning, she had pushed herself to continue the multitude of tasks that needed to be done. The children were with Sully keeping watch over him with strict instructions to get her if needed. Cloud Dancing was there too but she hoped he was resting. Outside, she had started a fire and put on a pot of water to boil the cloths that she needed to sterilize. Another day without any sign that he would wake soon was too much for her to face and so she tried to numb her brain for awhile - to think about anything else. Yet just as she did, Matthew stepped out onto the front porch and said "Dr. Mike, Sully's wakin' up."

Hitching up her skirt, she ascended the stairs and pushed into the house. His unswollen eyelid fluttered open as a moan escaped his lips. Joy flooded her insides and she felt like crying from the sheer happiness of the moment. "Sully," she said warmly seeing the confusion in his eyes. "Cloud Dancing brought you here. He found you near Rankin's camp." A flicker of remembrance flashed across his face and she nodded her head slightly. Her hand went to his shoulder knowing that it was urgent that she find out what was wrong with him.

"Sully, listen to me. Now that you're awake, it's very important that I examine you, check for internal injuries." He painfully nodded his head to show he understood as Michaela moved her hand to lower the sheet. She began with the arm that lay closest to her, lifting it slightly. Sully cried out and though she knew he was hurt, she also realized she needed to be able to differentiate the degree of pain. "I know you're in terrible pain but please try to distinguish for me the differing degrees. It's important." Methodically she worked her way across his chest, pressing down on different places as she examined him. The left side didn't seem to be too bad but when she pressed on the right, he cried out and his hand came up to grab for hers. It startled her even though she had half been expecting it. The thought that she had hurt him even though she knew it was necessary made her cringe.

Quickly, she made her way down the side of the bed, again lifting the sheet to examine his legs. The bruised area on his left thigh was her next target and again she pushed down on it, lightly at first but increasing the pressure when he did not respond. Yet when there was still no response, she panicked. Her eyes flew to her medical bag as she quickly retrieved an instrument to run down his legs. Down the inside of the left leg and still he was quiet. Down the inside of the right leg and no sound escaped his lips. Her eyes flew to his, watching as he gingerly lifted his neck to observe what she was doing.

"I can't move my legs," he said his breath ragged as fear set in. Michaela moved to his feet and ran the instrument over his soles. "I can't fell them."

"That?" she asked hoping maybe just maybe….

Yet the look on his face quickly confirmed her fears. "No," he moaned shaking his head and gasping for breath.

Moving back now so that he could see her better, she knew he wanted to know what was going on. His voice was questioning her and she willed herself to focus. Paralysis. She needed to tell him but she scarcely wanted to accept it herself. Would it be permanent? Would he recover? There was no way to know. She swallowed hard before answering him as she repeated over and over in her mind- be professional, be professional.

She knew she was slowly losing the battle though and as she turned to get him some pain medication, the tears had fallen again as they were doing now. The thought of this man unable to walk broke her heart. Inside she held out hope that it was only temporary but it was not enough to stay off the worry that crept in. Already, she had seen the depression on his face as Cloud Dancing left to seek a root that he believed could help him. Already, she had watched as he had turned his face away from hers unwilling to meet her eyes. Already, she had heard him refuse to eat anything even when she had insisted.

Shaking her head in frustration, she laid her head back against the chair and let the tears flow down her face. Bringing her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them hugging them to her body. Logically she knew there was nothing more she could do. She knew there was nothing she should have done differently but still the frustration at seeing him so helpless overwhelmed her. The man that she looked to so many times for protection, for help, for companionship… what if he never… what if this was his lot in life? Wasting no more time, she dropped to her knees, pushing the rocking chair back out of the way. She folded her hands and laid them on the side of the bed letting her head rest upon them. Then she prayed. She prayed fervently for his recovery, both physically and emotionally. She prayed until her knees were numb from being on the hard floor and only then did she rise and resume her former post.

One more time, she brought her hand to cover his and she lightly ran it up his arm letting it linger on his shoulder. A conversation from her childhood drifted back to her now. Her father had left for the hospital and Michaela as usual had begged to go with him. Yet it was not feasible today and as she sat pouting on the bottom stair, her mother had tried to explain to her why women don't pursue things like becoming a doctor. Still she had dug her heels in, insisting that she would one day be a doctor. "Michaela it's impossible. It's like trying to catch the wind. You can't do it!"

A soft laugh escaped her mouth at the memory. It was like trying to catch the wind but she had done it. She had become a doctor, she had caught the wind. Her eyes lingered over Sully's face. This was the same. At moments it felt impossible that he would walk again, that he would fully recover but it wasn't. It was like trying to catch the wind and she had done that once before.

"Sully," she whispered. "I will do everything in my power to make you well. I won't let you give up. I promise…." Her voice drifted off as she studied his face. Swiftly, she leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead. As her lips touched him, a warmth flooded inside of her and she felt her breath catch in her throat. She shivered at what the mere presence of this man made her feel. Returning to her chair, she couldn't help but smile to herself. She was a wind catcher and now the chase was on once again.

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Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this first part. Thank you to Ashley for suggesting this storyline. More to come...