These four walls and Me - One Shot Song Fic based on These Four Walls and Me by Little Mix. There's a little bit of Nicki Minaj thrown in for fun.
***I DON"T OWN ANYTHING APART FROM THE STORY LINE***Be nice- this is my first story in a REALLY long time!
Steph and Ranger had only been married 6 months when he's called into the wind. Then Steph gets a call she's been dreading. How will she cope?
"Mrs Manoso?"
"Speaking"
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this. The team Ranger was leading was ambushed late last night. As of an hour ago, Ranger was classified as MIA"
I felt sick and spots danced in front of my eyes. I'd been down in the control room when I took the call. Tank noticed something was wrong and immediately took the phone.
"It's Tank. Talk to me"
I watched him through misty eyes as he nodded. A grim line spread across his face. After he got off the phone, he just held me. I was so numb I couldn't even cry.
"Steph. It'll be ok. They'll find him"
I just nodded into his chest. I couldn't speak.
I feel so numb Staring at the shower wall It's begun,
The feeling that the end has come And now the water's cold
Over the next few weeks I checked in with Ranger's government handler pretty much every day. Still nothing.
I tried to eat today But the lump in my throat got in the way
As a few weeks turned into two months, Bobby was the first to notice I was losing weight.
"Steph. You need to look after yourself. Please try and eat something?"
All I could do was nod at him.
"Please Steph. We all need you right now just as much as you need us. We're in this together ok?"
"Thanks Bobby"
In this time I've lost all sense of pride I've called a hundred times, If I hear your voice I'll be fine
Three months Ranger had been missing. I was beginning to lose myself. Just going through the motions without really feeling anything. I'd gotten into a routine. I'd get up, spend an hour in the gym, spend the day helping Tank keep the business on track and then spend an hour in the evening punching and kicking the shit out of the punchbag before being so exhausted I'd head upstairs and fall in to bed. But I could never sleep for long. I was so afraid I'd miss a call from him.
And I, I can't come alive I want the room to take me under 'Cause I can't help but wonder What if I had one more night for goodbye?
If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep, These four walls and me
We were coming to the end of the fourth month when Tank knocked on my office door.
"Come in"
"Steph. We need to talk"
"What is it Tank? I'm trying to overhaul our payroll system and we've got three men down in Boston with a case load that's through the roof"
"I can come back later" he said as he went to leave.
A couple of months before me and Carlos got married, I started getting killer headaches by the end of the day so Bobby suggested I get my eyes checked. Since I spent a lot of my time at my computer screen, I was given glasses to help cut out the glare and correct my vision so I didn't get eye strain.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes as I took my glasses off.
"Shit. Sorry Peirre. I. I haven't been sleeping. Please. Sit"
He gave me a light smile.
"Steph. We need to think about the business and what to do if Ranger..."
I cut him off. "I can't think like that Tank"
"None of us want to think like that Steph but it's been nearly 5 months"
I sighed again. He was right. I just couldn't bring myself to consider it. I wasn't ready. I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready.
"Steph. Do you know what Ranger laid out in his will?"
"No. I mean, We'd talked about both having wills done but I wasn't really prepared to think about what the meant"
"Well, you've been assisting me for a while. Your business acumen is on point. Your field skills are as good as anyone else here. I think it's time we considered what to do"
I knew what he was getting at.
"I'd like to speak to the lawyers. We signed Power of Attorney for each other so I would have thought that could be activated given the circumstances. But I don't want to take full control of his half until..."
"Let's set up a meeting with Joel and see what they say"
"K. Thanks Tank. I'm sorry I snapped at you"
"Given the circumstances Steph, I'm not surprised. Just remember we're all here for each other. Don't suffer in silence ok?"
I stood up and gave him a hug before he gently shut my door and left me with my own thoughts.
I was exhausted.
I lay in bed Can't seem to leave your side Your pillow's wet From all these tears I've cried. I won't say goodbye
I lay down on the sofa in my office and drifted off into a fitful sleep. All the images of what could have happened to Ric went through my mind. I saw Benitez, Scrog, Abruzzi, all taking shots at him. His body twitching as each bullet hit him over and over again.
"Steph, Bomber. Wake up"
I sat up with a start in a cold sweat to see Lester kneeling next to me. He just held me as I cried.
"I can't do this Lester. I can't do this without him" I sniffed.
"Sorry. He's you're cousin and here I am crying my eyes out"
"Steph. You're his wife. You have nothing to be ashamed of and just as much right as everyone else, including me to be upset by it all"
"Can I tell you something?" He asked
I just nodded.
"I'm struggling with this as well. Done my fair share of crying. I've lost good men along the way. We all have. But Ranger is the best of us. He's supported me in more ways than anyone knows. I...I don't know what I'm gonna do"
"Lester. I'm so sorry. I've been so caught up in my own mind, I hadn't really noticed how much you and all the other guys are struggling"
Lester sat next to me and we just held each other for a while.
"You're like the little sister we never had Bomber. You don't need to apologise for anything. Ok? I think we all need to just talk to each other a bit more" he said as he planted a gentle kiss on the top of my head. "You should go up to bed and get some sleep"
I woke up early the next day, not really feeling like I'd slept at all. I kept seeing Ranger in my dreams. Reaching out to me, but I just couldn't quite reach him.
I did my usual work out in the gym and went back upstairs to get changed. I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I was definitely thinner. My eyes had sallowed in my face a little. I was all lean muscle.
I made a decision whilst staring at myself in the mirror. I had to be strong for Ranger. I didn't have time to fall apart. I had to start looking after myself and the rest of the guys as well. I had a business to run for when he came back. I had to believe he was coming back or there was no way in merry hell I was going to keep going each day.
I got dressed into a sheer white blouse with a black pussy bow around the neck, a black jacket and matching skirt. It was warm for early Spring so I left my legs bare and slipped my feet into 5inch black heels. There was a knock at the door and I grabbed my bag.
Tank was waiting outside for us to go and meet with the lawyers across town. We drove in comfortable silence.
I knew Joel well. He'd helped us redraft the employment contracts for Rangeman and had witnessed mine and Ric's Powers of Attorney.
"Stephanie, Tank. How are you holding up?" He said as he took my hand and kissed my cheeks, right to left.
"As well as we can do"
"I understand you want to activate your power of attorney over Ric's affairs"
I nodded.
"Yes. We don't know what's happened to him but he's missing and it's been 5 months. I want to know that I can keep everything in order whilst he's gone"
"I agree. I'm sorry"
"Don't be. We're all staying strong for each other and he'll come back. I'd know if he was dead. I'd feel it"
I felt Tank take my hand and I smiled at him, grateful for the strength it gave me.
"Ok. Well if you can sign here and then again on the back and I'll get it sealed at the court house later today. Should be able to get it couriered over to you tomorrow"
"Thank you Joel"
"Any time. And don't be a stranger. If you need anything, please just let me know"
"Thank you"
We stepped outside Joel's office and I stopped for a second to take a breath.
"You ok Steph?"
"Yeah. No. I'll be ok"
Tank wrapped his arm around my shoulder and held me close for a second before we got back in the car.
"Can we stop by the bonds office? I want to let Vinnie know what is happening"
"Sure thing Bomber"
I tried to smile today, Then I realized there's no point anyway
"Hey white girl. How you holdin' up?"
"Just taking each day as it comes. Is Vinnie in?"
"Yeah. But as usual his door is locked so knock first"
I felt my top lip curl up.
"Vinnie. It's Steph and Tank. If you're in there, put the duck porn away and zip your fly. I'm coming in"
"IS THAT ALL YOU THINK I DO IN HERE?" He shouted from the other side of the door. "COME IN"
Tank opened the door and we stepped in, closing the door behind us.
"Vinnie. I sealed my Power of Attorney for Ranger today. So for now, any enforcement work needs to come to me and I'll ensure it's distributed appropriately"
"So it's Plum Securities Inc now huh?"
I paled and stared at him for a second without saying anything.
"Not the time for jokes Vinnie"
He caught the look on my face.
"Sorry. Yes. That's fine. There's a stack of files with Connie that will need Rangeman"
"Fine. We'll take them now. Bye"
I spun on my heel and walked out with Tank just a step ahead of me.
"Connie. Can we take the Rangeman files?"
"Sure thing hon. Anything we can do to help, let us know ok? Even if it's only a night of pizza and margaritas"
"Thanks Con" I said, giving her a hug. I hugged Lula and waited in the car for Tank while he chatted to his girl for a few minutes.
I pulled out my phone. Nothing. I punched in Ranger's number. It just went straight to voicemail. I just sighed and lay my head back on the headrest with my eyes closed for a few seconds letting his voicemail message play out.
In this time I've lost all sense of pride I've called a thousand times If I hear your voice I'll be fine
"Carlos. Please come home. I miss you. I love you. Just find a way home. Please?"
I swallowed back the lump in my throat just as Tank got back into the car.
"All good with Lula?" I said as I subtly checked my cheeks for tears.
If he'd seen me crying, he didn't say anything.
"Yeah. All good. She's gonna come for team dinner on Friday. If that's ok?"
"Tank. You're a partner in this business. You don't have to ask permission"
"I know. It just felt right to ask"
"Well Thank you. you don't have to ask, but since you did. yes. It's fine"
"Thanks Boss lady"
I laughed a little. It felt nice to laugh.
"It's good to see you smile Steph"
I just smiled back at him as we drove back to Heywood.
So 5 months turned into 7. I'd spent more time without my husband than I had with him. Since we'd been married for 6 months when he went missing, Our one year anniversary had been spent in the control room managing the day shift. The guys got me a card that they all signed, a huge bunch of flowers and a cheesecake. I'm not ashamed to say I ate it all.
It's now been 9 months.
It was Friday and the end of my week. Since I'd not had a day off in, well pretty much forever, Lester had convinced me to try and take the weekend to relax. I got up, showered and dressed for the day. Black Cargo's with assorted weaponry, black Rangeman shirt, black cat boots, several sweeps of mascara for bravery and concealer to try and cover the dark circles around my eyes.
I made my way down to the 5th floor board room to deliver morning briefing, get updated on bond files, client management and the ongoing staff situation in Boston. We'd had two men injured in different jobs and one on personal leave after his mom had died. We were trying to help where we could but I wanted the guys input on temporary salutions to keep Boston ticking over.
"Boss Lady!" They all said, standing and saluting as I entered.
I smiled and shook my head.
"Guys. We've got 4 outstanding bonds on file. The Barnett brothers are getting taken down today. I've had enough of their shit. They've targeted another 3 bars for armed robbery since they didn't turn up for court, so enough games. Dead or alive. Gordon Kalzowski turned up dead at 3am this morning so Bobby, can you go and certify and collect the body receipt? Lastly, our local vigilante nut job Bernie Shultz appears to have crossed state lines so I'm waiting on a cross state warrant before we can bring him in. We should have that by Monday.
I need help with the Boston staffing situation. Jez is gonna be out for another 3 weeks, Brakes for 2 and Benji is away for month whilst he sorts out his family. So I need 3 men, at least, for a month tops. Call in any favours or contacts you might have. I'm giving the go ahead for you to hire without consultation. I don't have time to interview and I trust your judgment so just let me know how you get on k?
Lastly, monthly team dinner tonight. We all need it and since I'm off for the weekend, I'm going to enjoy a margarita! B team have agreed to step in and cover for the night but only until 12 tomorrow, so no raging hangovers please.
That's it. Tank, Ram, Lester with me, we're taking down the Barnett's. The rest of you are dismissed for roster'd duties and if any one of you so much as flinches your fingers to salute me again. I'll shoot your hands off" I said with a smile.
We were heading down to the garage when Lester turned to me and said "good to see you smile Bomber"
"Couldn't have gotten through all this without you. All of you. And when Ranger gets back, he'll know the business has been in good hands"
"It certainly has"
"Let's do this boys"
"HOOHA"
We all rolled out and made our way to the known location of the Barnett Brothers. Arrested for several armed robberies, somehow they made bail and then went FTA. Whilst they were FTA they couldn't help themselves though and went for a few more robberies.
We pulled up outside an old warehouse building where we knew they were hiding out. They'd messed up at the last robbery and Rangeman had been able to track them back to this address.
Tank and Ram were going to go around back and me and Lester would cover the front to prevent them running. Tank was not quiet about his entrance. But they didn't come out the front. What the fuck?!
"Anyone got eyes on them?"
Hal's voice came on through the in ear comms. He was running point from the office.
"Bomber, looks like there's a side entrance we missed. It was bricked over in the 80's but it's possible they've unblocked it"
"Thanks Hal. Everyone, round to the side now!"
We met up at the side of the building and were searching around the area to see where they'd run to when there was a crash of something breaking. Where the hell did that noise come from?
"Hal, is there anything else on the plans we've missed?!"
Silence
"Hal, dammit!"
"Boss. The building was built on top of the foundations of another warehouse that burnt down. That building had an underground storage area"
"Shit. They must have gone down"
We made our way back into the building and searched around. I stepped across the door to an empty room and a bullet splintered through the floor beneath me. I only just managed to fall to the side and avoid it.
"They're under the floor!" Another bullet crashed through.
I made a run for it with two more bullets coming up behind me as I slid out of the room.
"Shit" I said, pulling a splinter out of my hand with my teeth.
The guys were stood with me.
"We need to finish this shit now. They wanna go down fighting, then fine"
"What you thinking Bomber?"
"Let's do a quick run of the perimeter, there must be a way down there somehow. We're gonna smoke 'em out"
We made our way round the property line when Ram spotted an old grate on the floor. It had been disturbed fairly recently.
"This is it"
Lester came back from the car carrying a couple of flash grenades. Tank carefully moved the grate out of the way and I held my hand up for a countdown. As my last finger came down, Tank pulled the pins and threw the grenades down. Within seconds the flashes went up and smoke poured out of the hole in the ground. We stood for a few minutes, weapons trained on the hole. Sure enough the brothers came running out and didn't get very far before, in their dazed confusion, Tank and Ram had them pinned on the floor in handcuffs before loading them in to the second car.
"Good job boys! Let's get out of here!"
Tank and Ram took the brothers and me and Lester took the lead vehicle.
We pulled out and began to make our way back to Heywood, leaving Tank and Ram to take the brothers back to the police station for an extended stay until their court date. No way they were being bonded back out this time.
I cranked up the radio and Kanye West's Monster came on. What happened next was the funniest thing I'd experienced in a long time. It got to Nicki Minaj's rap and both me and Lester slipped into our own version of Adele's carpool karaoke! Rapping along with hands in the air like our lives depended on it!
"Pull up in the monster, automobile gangsta With a bad bitch that came from Sri Lanka Yeah I'm in that Tonka, color of Willy Wonka You could be the king but watch the queen conquer OK, first things first, I'll eat your brains Then I'ma start rocking gold teeth and fangs Cause that's what a motherfucking monster do Hair dresser from Milan, that's the monster 'do Monster Giuseppe heel, that's the monster shoe Young Money is the roster and a monster crew And I'm all up, all up, all up in the bank with the funny face And if I'm fake, I ain't notice cause my money ain't But really really I don't give a F-U-C-K "Forget Barbie, fuck Nicki cause she's fake"
"She on a diet," but my pockets eating cheesecake And I'll say, bride of Chucky, it's Child's Play Just killed another career, it's a mild day Pink wig, thick ass, give 'em whiplash I think big, get cash, make 'em blink fast Now look at what you just saw, this is what you live for/
We screamed out the last line
Aaaah, I'm a motherfucking monster"
I turned to look as Lester, barely containing myself with laughter when I saw a flash next to us and we were T-Boned at a cross section. The sound of metal scraping and glass breaking was deafening. I definitely screamed and tried to reach for the wheel to help try and control the car but we flipped and skidded before coming to a standstill on the other side of the road. Then I blacked out.
I woke up to the sound of sirens feeling really disoriented. What the fuck happened? I was hanging upside down. The car is on its roof. I slowly turned my head to Lester, he was in a bad way and out cold.
"Lester? Les. Wake up" I croaked out.
I tried to reach for him but it hurt so much. My blood was rushing to my head and everything was hazy. I tried to do a mental head to toe. I definitely had multiple cuts from flying glass. My stomach and ribs hurt like hell, probably from the seatbelt. The worst of the pain was in my shoulder, my knee and my ankle. I was trying to remain calm but my brain was having none of it. Tears rolled down my face and I was hyperventilating. A firefighter ran up to my window.
"Miss. Can you tell me your name?"
"Don't worry about me, you need to get Lester out. He's unconscious"
"Miss. listen to me, we'll get you both out but you need to stay calm"
"Fuck calm. Just get him out. Please"
I strained to try and get out of the seatbelt, grasping at anything I could to try and move so I could help Lester but I couldn't move and each flash of pain made me cry out.
"You have to stay still"
Another face appeared at the window. Morelli.
"Steph? Shit! You're gonna be fine. Just do what they say ok? Stay still and you'll be out soon enough"
"What about Lester? Someone has to help him. Please Joe"
I was starting to feel really dizzy and I felt my eyes closing.
"They're working on him cupcake. Just stay with me ok?"
"Everything hurts" I cried.
"Just slow down cupcake. Take a few deep breaths"
The next bit just came in flashes. I heard the jaws of life, and I saw Joe's face hover over mine, I remember him taking my hand. And then nothing.
I woke up to beeping. I knew the sound well. I really hate hospitals. Once I had conscious thought again Lester was the first thing on my mind. I went to move and realised my leg was in a splint and my left shoulder was taped up. I whimpered from the pain.
Tank was out his chair like a shot.
"Easy Little girl. You took quite a knock"
"What the hell happened Tank?"
"Police chase that got out of control. Guy went straight through the lights and took your car out side on"
"Morelli was there. Was he involved in the chase?"
"Yeah. He's waiting outside. He seems pretty cut up about it. He said as soon as he knew it was a Rangeman vehicle he ran straight over"
"Lester. Is he ok?"
"He should be. He's still unconscious. His head took quite a smack. Broken ribs, one of which punctured a lung, but they've fixed it"
"Oh my god. I have to see him"
I tried to get up again but I felt my head rush as the pain hit me.
"Fuck" I screeched in frustration.
"Just lay back down Bomber. I'll get Morelli to sit with you for a bit and I'll see what update I can get on Lester ok? Then when you're feeling better, you can sit with him"
I lay back down as I felt the tears threatening to spill. I needed Carlos. I needed my husband.
"Cupcake. I'm so sorry. The guy we were chasing was running from a murder scene. He took an unexpected turn and put his foot down to try and get through the light. We knew he wouldn't make it but there was nothing we could do. As soon as I realised it was a Rangeman vehicle, my heart nearly stopped"
"It's not your fault Joe. It's his. Did he survive?"
"No. He died on impact"
"Good" I sighed. "Excuse me for not having much sympathy right now"
"S'ok. Wouldn't expect you to"
"Those men are my responsibility right now. I need to get out of here, I've got too much work to do"
Before I could move Joe was next to me with his hand against my good shoulder.
"Steph. You've got a broken ankle, fractured kneecap and a partially dislocated shoulder, on top of all the cuts and bruises. You need to rest. The guys at Heywood will run the ship whilst you're in here"
I choked up.
"I feel like I'm letting Carlos down"
"Not a chance in hell. He'd be so proud of you. He is proud of you. I take it there's been no leads on where he is?"
"There's been some intelligence but nothing that's actually found him. I miss him so much" I said, laying my head back down on the pillow.
Joe set a light kiss on my forehead.
"Get some rest ok? There's a Rangeman outside if you need anything and I'm sure Tank will be back soon. I need to get back to the station. Call me if you need anything?"
"Thanks Joe. I will"
He left the room and nodded to Tank as he came back in followed by Bobby.
"He's still out. The hit he took to his head has left some swelling on his brain. He'll be ok but it'll take a bit of time"
"Shit. Tank. We can't afford this! Boston is struggling and now we're two down. Maybe me stepping up was a mistake. I was stupid to think I could run Rangeman without Carlos when I'm such a disaster magnet.
"Don't be ridiculous Bomber. This accident wasn't your fault at all. You've done an amazing job and you've stayed so strong throughout all of this. The company is fine. I'll make sure things run whilst you recover and you'll be as right as rain in no time"
I have a weak smile.
"I'm kinda tired. Tank, can you head back to Heywood and check back with me later?"
"Sure thing Rangelady. Bobby can stay with you and Lester"
"I'm gonna get some rest. Bobby can you just stay with Lester? I want an update as soon as anything changes?"
"Of course. We've got this"
After Tank and Bobby left, I pressed the button for painkillers and let sleep take me.
A couple of weeks later I was up and about on a crutch and entrusted in to Bobby's care with him ensuring all my cuts stayed clean and I had pain meds when I needed them. I was struggling mentally with everything but I was getting through with the guys help. Joe and his new girlfriend Summer would help out where they could. Summer worked in Arson investigation for TFD and was the perfect fit for Joe.
The girls had come round to visit and we had a pizza and movie night in the apartment.
Lester had woken up a few days later. He would be fine but it would still be another week or so before they let him out. I teased him that he was milking it just to stay with the pretty nurse that was assigned to his room but I was glad to see he was doing better.
It was now late on a Thursday night. I'd finished up all the paperwork since I wasn't cleared for field work yet. Tank was at the hospital with Bobby trying to spring Lester a few days early. I hobbled through to the control room. Manny was there with Hector.
"Hey guys"
"Boss Lady"
"Stand down for the night. I'm pretty wired so I'll take the rest of the monitoring shift. Just stay on call for emergencies"
"Estefania. You sure? You should rest"
"Si mi Hermano. I'm sure. I've rested enough to last a lifetime. Now go"
"Mi Angelita" Hector whispered into my hair as he gave me a hug. I felt tears sting the back of my eyes but held them back.
In actuality I felt totally exhausted. It wasn't a lie that I'd been resting so much I was now restless but the silence of the control room reminded me of my husband. I missed him. I needed to feel his arms around me. I needed his strength.
I went into a zone staring at the monitors. Sure, I'd done a reasonable job keeping the business ticking over, I'd made some improvements to payroll and time management. But I felt like an imposter. This wasn't my business to run. I was just keeping Carlos' seat warm.
I don't know how long I'd been sitting there when my phone buzzed on the desk.
"Bomber. We're bringing Lester home!"
"Thank God. I've stood Manny and Hector down for the evening. Im just keeping an eye on the monitors"
"Stephanie.."
"Oh don't Stephanie me Bobby! The guys need to rest just as much as I do! And I'm not tired. Besides, it's hardly physically demanding sitting here! It's 2am. Even the crazies have given up and gone to bed!"
"For now. Don't jinx it!"
"Get off the phone and bring my cousin-in-Law home please!"
"On it Boss!"
"Smart-ass" I laughed as I hung up.
I'd been staring into space for another indeterminate amount of time when the desk phone rang.
"Rangeman, Stephanie Manoso speaking"
No response.
"Is anyone there?"
There was some crackling on the line. I held the phone to my ear with my shoulder whilst I typed frantically to try and triangulate the call. I watched it bounce all over the place.
"Who is this?"
Then someone spoke. Barely audible. But it sent a shiver down my spine.
"Babe"
Oh oh oh And I, I can't come alive I want the room to take me under 'Cause I can't help but wonder What if I had one more night for goodbye?
If you're not here to turn the lights off I can't sleep These four walls and me
FIN!
