Disclaimer: I own nothing, you'd think that'd be clear by now.
A/N: Hello all. Here is my very first obsessive fic, reposted without all the fun little spelling mistakes. So enjoy and lets hope I get mor reviews than the first time I posted it. Thanks to Aerowynn, Darcel, and Kiah who reviewed the first time around, you guys rock.
There is no happily ever after....
It's a myth. A fantasy made up for little girls who live inside a romantic world filled with Prince Charming and glass slippers. Where the princess lives in a castle by the sea, awaiting the prince who will one day rescue her from her prison. But it's not that simple. Life is for descisions, Ginny, Ron told me. They make your life. They make who you are. You can't live in a world of fairy tales, a world where nothing is real.
So tell me, am I just some silly girl, scribbling down every foolish thought and pondering that crosses her mind? Then why do I return to paper afer all that has happened? To me, to my life? Because, diary, I simply can't contain everything I think without a release. My mind buzzes, thinking of him. His hair, his lips. Everything about him is perfect. Everything seems so simple, if I revisit it in my mind. I think of him, late at night, lying in my bed, wondering, smiling, hoping. He would sweep me up on his valant steed, take me away save me from the humdrum front I put on everyday.
It's the only thing that keeps me sane. The idea of what could happen keeps me strong, keeps me going. The thought that one day, ONE DAY, he might wake up and notice and love me back the way I love him. He can't imagine how many pages I've filled up with ramblings about his smile, everytime he even glances my way.
I wonder what it would feel like to be a princess. To have my prince wrap me up in his arms, kiss me passionately, tell me that he is nothing without me. Take me away from the life I live now. The life full of tears and broken hearts. I cannot bear to think of a day when I won't pine for my prince, praying for him to return. I see him in the halls with his friends and I feel a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Anxiousness mixed with excitement. Is it love? Or just lust? How can I even tell the difference.
So yes, to answer my question, I might be silly, insane, deranged, a lunatic. And yet, I'm content, for the first time in years. How can it be? How can love be so self contained, one sided, seem so pure and unfiltered. So real? I don't know if I'll ever find an answer to give to you, diary. I don't think there is an answer. All I know is that love is ruined when it is recipricated. So it that it? Does my prince not exsist? Oh, he is there in body, but maybe I have just built hm up in my mind to be something he is not.
In my mind he is sweet. He hides behind words and sneers because he is different. He listens sad, slow, remorseful songs at night while the other boys sleep. He reads all the time, he is thirsty for a love to match my own. I ave built him up and he will never measure up. I know that these stories aren't real, but I wish they were.
So why do fairy tales fill my mind? Plauge my thoughts, make me want, make me crave what those beautiful princesses in those stories have. A happily ever after. Something I fear I'll never have.
I have a red leather bound book with gold print on the cover that reads with a flourish, "Classical Tales". It's filled from cover to cover with the stories my mother used to tell me. After I became to old to hear them at bedtime, she gave me this book, to remember them by. The book was my most prized possesion. But now it is old and worn. The cover is ragged, the gold print has fallen off and the stories seem childish. I have abandoned what I thought could once be real.
Because there is no happily ever after. The blonde dragon won't save the princess from herself as she can see the blood on the pages of her old childhood book. Her former love, the blackhaired prince will ignore her cries, like he always did. She will cry alone. She is a princess trapped alone in a cold dark tower. Her long red tresses cannot save her from her prison. No prince's kiss can wake her from her sleep. No glass slipper will ever steal her from her dark, small world to a new one, full of love.
No, the dragon sleeps as the princess self destructs. No, the prince strays as the girl runs farther into the dark forest. No happily ever after can save her now. I know better than to hope. Draco does not notice me unless he taunts me for my hair or my ragged robes. He is no prince. He never will be one because he can't change. He won't.
He won't notice me, or anything I do.
So, how will my fairytale end? Death, destruction? It's only the beginning of a long novel filled with moment after moment I can only imagine.
Maybe, one day, a happily ever after will come. Maybe through the darkness of the tower, my prince will come. Maybe, a happily ever after. Life is filled with maybes. Because it is to painful to say never.
