Title: This is:
Author: Kerry (NDKerry@optonline.net)
Rating: PG-13 (Just to be safe)
Spoilers: Seriously? Everything up through, including, and especially, Double Agent.
Category: Post-Ep, Romance (S/V), 1st person POV, Series of Vignettes.
Summary: Different thoughts from different sources during and after Double Agent.
Archive: That would be lovely, just please let me know where.
Feedback: Crave it like I want Michael Vartan.
Disclaimer: I wish I had looks like Sydney. I wish I had a guy like Vaughn. I wish I had a best friend like Weiss or pre-dead Francie. I don't have any of these. Nor do I have anything in the Alias world (unless you want my Alias: Declassified and Alias novels). JJ Abrams, Bad Robot, and a bunch of other people own all this stuff.
Author's Notes: This is a tiny series. Only 4 parts. Each one is a vignette-mini-post-ep. They could each stand alone, however, I felt that since they were all in response to one ep, that they'd work better as one story with different voices. So that's what this is.
I would like to thank, of course, my dear friends Dani and Flip. Dani is the greatest for putting up with me as I talk about the sexiness of a certain handler, and Flip always lets me make my slightly deranged comments and puts up with my weirdness. Special thanks as always to my wonderful (and super-fast) beta Lisa. I love how Alias is bringing people together all over the web!
This is: Dangerous (Jack POV)
For a double agent, someone who's had to lie to nearly everyone for the past year and a half of her life, Sydney certainly is very trusting. I cannot believe how readily she accepts that the Lennox we have here is the real one, and that the Markovic Lennox is still somewhere out there. All because of a few carefully placed words about a dead fiancée. She won't even consider that this is all part of some greater plan: for Enzo Markovic to infiltrate the CIA. She just knows that she feels sorry for him, because he claims that he and Agent Wallace were engaged. Of course, anyone who wanted to research Sydney would find out that her fiancé was killed, and would know that that is the perfect way to gain her sympathy, and ultimately, her trust.
Lennox isn't the only one she's placing too much faith in, if you ask me. I'm not blind, and I'm not an idiot. I see the way she and Agent Vaughn have been looking at each other. There's always been a certain...dynamic between them, but recently it's intensified. Recently, as in since SD-6 was taken down. I know that she thinks that she's free to live her own life now, but she doesn't realize how much danger she is still in.
She doesn't realize that love is a weakness she cannot afford to have in this business. Oh, I'm sure that she thinks that she'll be quitting within the next few weeks, but until then, she absolutely cannot afford to let her feelings for Agent Vaughn jeopardize the work that she is doing here. And even afterwards.
Does she really anticipate anything coming out of this relationship? Out of two people who have such a horrible connection? Can't she see that that will always be hanging over their heads? The only reason they are happy now is because they are experiencing a new freedom. A freedom they cannot yet afford to have. I just hope that they are taking their time, not moving things too quickly. Rushing into a relationship that is already in danger can only make things worse in the long run.
Perhaps it seems that I am heartless, that I don't want my daughter to be with the man she loves. I'm just not convinced that it is him that she is in love with, and not just what being able to be with him represents. I know that Agent Vaughn believes that he truly cares for her, and on one level I know that he does, but does he care for her romantically because she has always been the forbidden fruit? After the fruit is tasted, will he discover that she is merely an apple, and that he prefers oranges?
And then, of course, there is the concern: what if they do make it? What if she does fall deeply in love with him? What if he does ask her to spend her life with him?
Will he betray her?
Some may think that I am merely displacing my own problems with Irina onto Sydney and any relationship she has. The truth is, Sydney right now is very valuable to the CIA. Not only is she an excellent agent, but she has a lot of information that other people would be very interested in knowing.
I can't imagine that the son of William Vaughn would ever sell out his own country, and I must grudgingly admit I don't believe that Agent Vaughn would ever hurt my daughter, but is that really a chance I can take?
I've already broken her heart enough. As much as it pains me to admit it, I have hurt her far more than I have helped her. In the past two years I've tried so hard to make up for all the lost years and for all the pain. But it seemed as if every time I did something right, some mistake from my past would come up and we'd take own step forward and four steps back.
I'm so proud of Sydney, of the woman that she's become. I know that I cannot say that I had any part in that, and for that I feel a sorrow that will not die. I shut her out too early, and too often, and when I finally realized how precious my beautiful daughter was, it was far too late. But look at what she's done without me. And she is even finding it in her heart to forgive me.
One day she might even tell me that she loves me. One day I hope I'll have enough strength and courage to say I love her, even though I know I don't deserve to be able to tell her.
All I want for Sydney is happiness and safety. I want her to feel love again, love like she had with Danny. To this day I still wish I had been able to save him. To save Sydney from all this heartache. But perhaps, though the cost was far too great, it is better that she knew the truth.
I am grateful to Vaughn for allowing her to feel happy, and maybe even to love again. I am grateful to him for taking such good care of her, for always putting her first, above everything else. William Vaughn was a great officer, but his son is even better, because where William would not stand up for his beliefs, Vaughn would not let the moment go unchallenged. Time and again he's risked his career and his life for Sydney, and though he doesn't know it, I will always be in his debt for that.
I read somewhere that the name Sydney means 'glorious'. I couldn't think of a more fitting name for this extraordinary woman. I give thanks every day that I am lucky enough to be her father, and that after all we've gone through, she and I still have some sort of relationship, one that we are continually working on. I pray that her life will be as wonderful as she is, and that she will find a love who will realize just how glorious she really is.
And for her sake, I hope that love is Michael Vaughn.
SD-6 may be gone, and I hope that from now on her life will be her own, but Sydney needs to be aware of the obstacles of love. She may not even realize it, but this is dangerous.
END (1/4)
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