Broken

Alex Drake stood near her window and watched the raindrops slide down her window. She saw the waves of the ocean roll their way towards the shore. She had been staring at the window for a while now, dressed in sweat pants, a torn t-shirt and a long woolly shawl that was covering her upper body just thinking about all the traumatic events that had happened over the past few months since being committed to a psychiatric ward by the man who supposedly cared for her.

It didn't come as a huge surprise to her that something like this would happen to her; she did confessed to him that she was from the future who was shot in the head and trying to get home. It should not have surprised her that she would end up like this... standing alone in a small seaside cottage homr in a coastal city feeling hurt, bitter, betrayed and emotionally broken. It hurt, it hurt like a bitch.

Flashbacks continued to haunt her as she remembered the moment when Gene Hunt came into her flat the night after their victory over the operation rose arrest with the man in white coats in tow telling her that while he thought she wasn't corrupt she was mentally unstable who had needed help. She remembered the stony face that he had held and how he refused to look at her as she was dragged away kicking, screaming, sobbing and begging him not to do this, to not abandon her while everyone watched. All of them either too shocked or embarrassed to even help or acknowledge her. She had no one.

She remembered those nights, being locked in a small cell with no life or personality and very little light. She remembered the nights when she would crawl up into a ball on her small and narrow bed and cry to herself to sleep remembering a time when her little girl existed before this whole sorry saga started. She remembered the horrible sessions where she would just sit there refusing to speak to her shrink while the shrink would stare her down with that patronizing glare which basically said "stop wasting my bloody time and speak already". She remembered when she would walk down the corridors or when she would walk around outside the facility and everyone either pitied her or thought she was someone you should get the hell away from.

There were times that she didn't even eat or sleep. There were times where she would wake up screaming and crying so loud and so violently that she had to be held down and be sedated. There were times where she just sat in a corner of her cell (that's what she liked to call it) and stared at her walls, playing a colour game. Some days she would decide on blue...the colour of her baby's eyes...the colour of his eyes. Other days it would be green...Molly loved green but then again she also liked purple and silver. Other times it would be a blazing red and orange...it mirrored her feelings that was burning inside her- pure hatred and anger. Sometimes during the dead of the night when the moon was shining on her face through the barred windows she would decide on black. The colour of death and darkness. The colours that had possessed her soul and her mind.

She refused visitors, made it clear that she didn't want to see their "rotten, two timing faces again". Staff was reluctant to grant her this but did so anyway. She had refused to speak which made it even difficult for people to get through to her. She had even tried to commit suicide twice, the first time she tried to hang herself with a piece of clothing that she had torn of her clothes, the second time she had tried to slit her wrists when staff were not watching before once again being sedated. However, none of that had prepared her for the biggest and most devastating blow to her mind and body. She had been raped by one of the guards before being beaten to a pulp which led to severe damage to her legs. She could still walk but barely, always relying on a walking stick or a wheelchair if things became too much for her. She got better over time and the wounds healed up but her legs still protested in severe pain if she worked too much. The man had been arrested and sentenced to 30 years imprisonment thanks to Gene and his men even though Alex had strictly forbidden them to see her. She had only passed on her statement through her new shrink whom she had started to open up to after realising that she couldn't keep living like this.

It was a slow process; it had started off with bits and pieces of her old life with Molly before moving on to her failure of a marriage, the death of her parents and her issues with Evan (editing the story so it would be plausible enough for the psychologist to believe her) to her relationship with Gene and those of CID. Within a few months the psychologist deemed her fit and sane enough to be released into the real world. She could no longer face Gene and those of CID, still feeling let down and betrayed by their actions she had put in her resignation which was accepted with regret by the super. It wasn't just about Gene though, she was useless to them now and the last thing they needed was an ex crippled loon slowing them up. It was best to turn her back on her former life, sever ties with them all and get the hell out of London.

A part of her knew that she was running but she felt that she had no other options left available to her. So she had packed up her flat and left without even a goodbye. She had no idea where she wanted to go; she had fun adventures finding out though, she had enough money in her account and from her generous settlement agreement from the ward after her attack and travelled throughout the UK. Alex smiled to herself as she remembered all the places that she went to in her flashy sports car; Plymouth, Manchester, Liverpool, Newcastle, Belfast, Edinburgh, West Yorkshire, Leeds, Glasgow before settling down in her cottage by the sea in Brighton where she could just enjoy the ocean and the fresh air.

Alex then felt her legs start to tinge with pain as she turned and slowly sat on her favourite rocking chair that was located next to a small fireplace where she continue knitting a pair of little booties and gloves for her neighbour's new baby. It was something she took pride in, she saw many families come and go and those whom she had had the pleasure of becoming friends with always sent her Christmas and birthday gifts and cards or came to live either near her or with her to keep her company. It wasn't like she had nothing to do during the days; she worked and co-owned a small book and record/CD shop which expanded into a coffee library where people could come grab a coffee or a small bite to eat with their families, partners or friends while reading books and shifting through records. It had been Alex's idea which she had pitched to the owner who was sceptical when he had heard it due to the fact that he had never even heard of such a concept. For Alex, this was using her knowledge of the future to create good for the local people while also providing a living for herself.

When she wasn't doing that she spent her time at the beach or in the parks doing yoga routines that soon became a popular pastime for her and for many women who came to her and asked her questions in regards to her ability to maintain a healthy and sexy body. It was another business opportunity which she didn't let pass by. She now had a small place in town that she rented which allowed her to run a part time gym where she offered different forms of exercises, athletics sessions, boxing lessons, yoga classes and pole dancing sessions. Alex never knew life beyond being a mother and a police officer but now that that part of her life was over she had found a whole new world that was vibrant, exciting and full of life and colour. It took her some time to heal from her ordeal but now that she was away from the hectic life of a police officer and from the heartache that was Gene Hunt Alex felt that she could move on.

Now and again Alex would think about them...especially him. Did he think about her? Did he regret his actions? Had he found someone new? Does he still think she was a freak? Alex shook her head, now was not the time to dwell on the past. The future was more important to her now...the irony was not lost on Alex but she shook it off as she continued to knit away.

When night fell Alex dragged her tired and aching body to the bathroom where she lit a few candles; made up her lavender scented bubble bath; filled her wine glass with a nicely chilled white wine from New Zealand; played some Peggy Lee music as she carefully placed her body into the bath before resting her head on the wall and closed her eyes. The memories of Gene and CID coming all back to her, clear as day along with the memories of his face when he coldly announced to her that he was locking her up in a psychiatric ward, her heart breaking once more and a solidity tear rolling down her cheek.

The next morning Alex didn't feel like going into work. That was because today was the anniversary of Gene's abandonment of her which led to her pain and suffering. But when the phone rang she knew that it was going to be busy week, it was the holiday season, people from all over England will be coming down to enjoy the seaside. Business will be booming and she would be an idiot to let it all pass by her, so she hauled herself out of bed and picked up the phone.

"Alex Drake speaking".

"Oh hey Lex, just wondering when you are going to come in, there are a lot of people coming into the coffee shop and also in the gym today".

"Sure Mr Blake, I'll be in 15. Just make sure that we have enough staff for this holiday period".

"Yes we have hired some young people, college students looking for a job plus our ordinary staff but we still need you to train some of these people".

"That is ok with me. See you then."

After putting the phone down Alex proceeded to dress in her aquamarine summer dress before stepping into her favourite pair of flat heeled sandals, collecting her handbag and house keys she left her house and got into a taxi.

The streets were filled with kids and locals as Alex stepped out of the taxi before walking through the doors that led to her coffee library and record shop. It was packed, many people looking at cakes and pastries; some ordering their coffees; their ice chocolates and ice teas or their cool sodas before sitting down to read their books in the lounge or at a table with their friends and families, just chatting away and relaxing. Alex smiled and breathed in the sea breeze that was blowing through the open windows and made her way towards to counter to help out the flustered young red head who obviously looked like she was about to have a breakdown.

"Here, let me help you there. Hi there, my name is Alexandra Drake, you can call me Alex or Lex how can I help you?"

"Yes, I would like two black coffees, one cup of tea, a chocolate muffin and some ice chocolate" said the small brunette.

Alex nodded and set about making the orders while the red head gave the woman her change before proceeding to the next customer. Because Alex was too engrossed with her duties she didn't notice a young couple with a young boy come through the doors along with a curly haired man with a moustache who then proceeded to make their way to the counter.

"There you go have a lovely day" smiled Alex before turning into a frown as her eyes widened like dinner plates when she came face to face with her past.

"Ma'am?" all three of them said in unison and also in shock.

"Ray, Chris, Shaz?"

Before anyone could speak the young boy who was holding Shaz's hand spoke up.

"Mummy, you know this lady?

"Ye-"

"Uh, just acquaintances when I was in London nothing more now how can I help you" replied a steely cold Alex, who after her initial shock quickly retreated into her ice-cold manner to protect herself from the people who had helped Gene lock her up while also making no attempt to help her when in the face of Gene's wrath.

This reaction shocked Ray, Chris and Shaz, their former boss and friend was making them out to be total strangers whom she had just passed by while the boy just nodded and went about looking at his order.

"Uh, right, umm we will have one black coffee, a mocha and a cup of tea for us and for the little man he will have a cottage pie and a can of coke" said Shaz still eyeing up Alex with suspicion as Alex nodded and set about giving them their change and working on the coffees.

Alex quickly gave them their food and without even looking at them gave them a cold "have a nice day" and went to the other side of the counter to deal with another customer. Shaz, Chris, Ray and the little boy made their way to the comfy looking chairs that overlooked the beach and started talking while the little boy dug into to his cottage pie.

"I don't understand why she feels the need to treat us liks scum, wouldn't even look at us the majority of the time" grumbled Ray.

"Yeah, it's not our fault that the Guv had her committed to a psyche ward but she did need help especially after what the Guv told us" agreed Chris.

"Yes, but she needed someone to care for her, love her, talk to her and reassure her not just leave her out in the cold. Obviously it was something that had happened in her life that had made her go in denial and create some story about the future to deal with her grief. That doesn't mean she is crazy and should share a building with people who have committed crimes. And let's face it, we just stood there and watch the Guv act like he didn't care and that she was nothing to him...god she even begged him not to abandon her especially after she opened herself up to him, that must have broken her heart."

"And she blames us" finished Chris.

"I don't think she wants to even know that we exist, she refused to see us when she was admitted, wouldn't speak to us when we wanted to interview her after the rape and just sent a written and verbal statement that was recorded and after she was released she resigned, left without saying goodbye and now we see her, she acts like we never were apart of her life, that speaks volumes" replied Ray.

"I would hate to think how she would react if she had seen the Guv with us" said Shaz.

"She would've thrown the coffee in his face" said Ray.

"Don't think she would do that...would she?" asked a worried Chris.

"After the way he treated her...wouldn't put it pass her, a woman scorned can give a man hell" rebutted Ray.

"All the reason why I am glad the Guv is not here with us, where is he?"

"Dunno, we left him near the bus, suppose he will be either shagging some tart's brain's out or drinking himself into a coma at the closest boozer" replied Chris.

"He hasn't been the same since Alex refused to speak to him after she was admitted and also when he found out about the rape".

"CID hasn't been the same, we have lost our status and the Guv slacks off now especially now that he doesn't have anyone to stand up to him or motivate him the way Tyler and Drake did, we try but we don't have the same brains as Drake" sighed Ray.

"You think we should tell him?" asked Chris.

"No way! You saw her reaction when she saw us, if she saw the Guv it would be World War Three!" rebutted a horrified Ray.

Yeah, Ray's right baby, it's a lost cause and the damage has been done. The Guv blew it spectacularly and Drake has made a success of herself, it just wasn't meant to be" said Shaz as she smiled sadly. Chris returned that sad smile and both turned to their son who was polishing off his plate and soda before asking for a muffin.

It was late afternoon before Alex had finished up, she was originally going to stay behind, lock up and clean but Mr Blake had told her to go home and rest her legs as she had been standing most of the afternoon. Alex gratefully took her leave but not before getting an update on the gym where she was informed by its success by one of the female managers whom she had hired before doing some light grocery shopping, ordering take away and hailing for a cab to take her home.

Alex had been in a daze all day, after her shock meeting with her former colleagues she had avoided them until they left, all resigned to the fact that she wanted nothing to do with them or with Gene. If Alex was being honest with herself if Gene had shown up, she would've legged it not even caring that she was in front of so many people. The old Alex Drake who would've yelled and hurled abuse at him like the old days was dead; Gene had destroyed that person when he made their jibe about Molly before throwing her into a psyche ward and leaving her on her own. Alex now avoided all forms of confrontation except when there was an dispute between the customers, the managers and the staff. She just didn't have the strength or the courage to do that sort of stuff anymore. Not to mention the fact that her injuries sustained from her attack left her breathless at times with aching legs and severe panic attacks as memories of her trauma flashed through her mind's eye. No seeing Gene again would just make her run a million miles.

Alex sighed as she put her keys through the lock and stumbled into the house, kicking her sandals aside and heading to the kitchen to unpack her groceries and dish her food up before pouring a glass of wine and heading for her bedroom. No knitting, no reading, no television, just food and an early night in.

When she came into her room, placed her plate and glass on the table and turned on the light she had the shock of her life when she saw the tall, broad shouldered, blonde, baby blue eyed man that broke her heart and shattered her faith and trust.

"Bout time you came back Bolly."

Alex froze before instinct kicking in, she quickly turned around in an attempt to make a run for it but before she could even make it to the door Gene's strong arm had her by the waist before effortlessly picking her up while she kicked and screamed.

"GENE! LET ME GO RIGHT NOW!"

"Not until we have sorted this mess out Bolly" replied Gene as his plonked her on to her king sized bed before standing up and turning to face her.

"I have nothing to say to you, so take your fat northern arse and get out of my house and out my life!" yelled Alex

"Fuck off!"

"Excuse me?"

"Simple Bolls, fuck off, we are having this discussion right here, right now whether you like it or not!

Alex just simple sighed in frustration, grabbed her plate and placed it on her lap and proceed to eat, preferring not to even look at the man who had screwed her over.

Gene sighed as he watch Alex give him the cold shoulder, he shouldn't be surprised that she reacted in the manner that he did. He did treat her like shit on the day he when he had her committed so coldly. She didn't deserve that, she didn't deserve the humiliation of being dragged down by the men in white coats in front of Luigi and everyone else in the restaurant that night. That on top of his suspension of her, the molly jibe and the way he acted around her with that poisonous bitch Jeanette, he just acted out of anger and panic, not once considering the impact that it would have had on her.

Well he learnt the hard way when he had found out that she had banned him and everyone from CID from coming to see her. The pain was made worse with the news of her rape and top it all off she resigned and left without saying goodbye. It had hurt and by the time he figured out that he was in the wrong it had been too late. When the team organised a few days at Brighton he was the first to jump on the bandwagon, everyone in CID had just assumed that he was in it for the booze and the shags from the potential hot birds in bikinis but the real reason was that he had wanted to see Alex and have it out with her. Thanks to some friends down south and his detective skills he had tracked down where Alex was living but needed some excuse so when this holiday came up he grabbed it with both hands. When he got there everyone had left him to his own devices, again assuming he would either drink the place dry or shag every good looking woman that walked in his sight. But after having lunch at a restaurant he went to Alex's home fully intending to pick at her lock but instead the friendly house keeper allowed him in after showing his badge and explaining that he was an old friend of Alex.

So now here he was, face to face with the beautiful but broken woman who had haunted his dreams night after night. He knew that getting Alex to forgive him was going to be a tough gig. He knew that he had hurt her badly but he had to put things right and if she doesn't take him back at least he would know where he stood with her and he would be freed from his guilty conscience.

Alex finished off her dinner and stared at Gene who was looking at her intently, all the emotions coming back to her, the flashbacks, the heartache, the tears, the physical pain, the guilt, the anger, the helplessness and despair that she felt all coming back to her. She wanted to hit him but stayed put; he had to make the first move.

"So bolls, now that you have eaten it is time for you and I to clean the air once and for all and I will not leave this room or this house until we have had it out. And you are not leaving this room until I say so...and I don't say so. Now talk."