The first chapter is always the hardest in my opinion, and I don't think I got everything across exactly as I wanted to, but I think the next chapter will clear it up so please just think of this as an intro sort of thing.

I am still working on the ending of sweet escape, I will finish it I promise. This story is nothing like that one though, this story will be darker and more angst filled but still have the good stuff like lemons and etc…..

A lot of thanks and appreciation goes to TeamBlaus4eva for all of her input and ideas on this story and for keeping me motivated on working on it, you guys will love it once it gets started really going I swear, she helped me create this fic into what it is now.

I do not own SOA, only Lindsey. I will also apologize for any length between updates in advance since I am ready to pop any day now and go into labor lol.

Chapter One Dumpster Diving

"The monsters are buried down deep inside…. You never know when they're satisfied…"

I hated Charming. It was so small you couldn't help but hate it when you were in the situation that I was in. Everyone knew who I was the second I walked through the door and asked for a job application already knowing they would toss it as soon as I left. I was holding out hope that someone, just one person, would take pity on me. I'd been applying everywhere in town twice a month for over a year now and had no luck.

If I had a car, Lodi or Stockton might have worked. I could have at least done fast food over there but a two hour walk on foot was just impossible to do when I had no other way of getting around. I crossed my arms over myself, hugging my chest trying not to look at anyone I passed on the street. The less I looked at anyone, the better.

I headed 'home' or more likely 'hell' would be what I found today. It was check day so my parents were probably already plastered and ready to bitch and argue with each other or anyone else near them. I scuffed my beat up sneakers along the concrete with a loud sigh when the light drops of rain started to hit against my already weathered hoodie. Perfect. Just perfect.

The loud roaring of motorcycles made me look up, watching the Sons of Anarchy fly by in their pack obviously headed to their clubhouse. They'd been a fixture around this place since I was a kid and I'd yet to speak to any one of them. My parents snarled their noses up at the sight of them even though it was completely biased why. The Sons didn't allow dealing in their town, so my parents had to scrape up enough gas money to get to the outskirts of town for their fix.

I saw one straggler, riding with them but not at the same time. His bike wasn't as flashy as theirs and he looked a lot younger than the rest did when they rolled to a stop at the traffic light beside me. I glanced over at him again feeling self conscious when I noticed his face was turned towards me, hidden though behind dark glasses and his helmet. Turn… Turn… say walk.. I pleaded silently with the stop light when it finally changed. I took off at a fast pace hurrying to get away from them.

The rain pelted down harder on my last block to the small, shabby looking house that I called home. It had paint peeling off the sides, the porch was sunken in, and the grass hadn't been cut in who knows how long? But it had a room with a bed and a hot shower I could get into before I started to get sick from being out in the freezing rain all day. I skipped up the steps quickly, fleeing into the house with a loud bang when I shut the door when it stuck a little bit like it always did.

"Where the hell you been at?" Dad asked gruffly from his normal spot in his beat up recliner in front of the TV with newspaper littering the floor around him amongst the empty beer cans.

"Looking for a job." I muttered trying to make it into my room before the other one came out. No such luck. Mom was leering at me from the doorway of the messy kitchen in her bathrobe with a cigarette sticking out from her bright red painted lips.

She was probably pretty once, but she was the type of woman that had truly let herself go to the drugs and alcohol. She flicked ashes onto the floor with a sneer in my direction. "No one's going to hire your sorry ass Lindsey."

Her words didn't even sting me anymore. I was just so used to hearing nothing but cruel words leave her mouth. I gave her a look to show her I'd heard her before sliding into my room, shutting the door behind me . They wouldn't bother me in here. Not unless they really really wanted me to run an errand for them.

I stripped out of my soaking wet clothes, deciding against the shower and went for my fuzzy pajamas instead before climbing into the bed to warm up. Maybe someone would call from the furniture factory. Or the diner. The new manager seemed friendly so there might be hope there. I'd saw an ad for Diosa but I'd have to wait for it to stop raining before I walked that far. Diosa was always one of my favorite places to go to for empty bottles and cans to turn into for recycling. They threw them out by the bag full without a second thought about the money they could be turning if they took them themselves.

I shivered underneath my blankets for a while, listening to them argue with each other. I could hear things being thrown, doors slamming and then the inevitable sound of my door flinging open. Mom glared down at me, still in her robe this time she had the sleeve pushed up where she'd clearly been shooting up. "What?" I sighed rolling onto my side.

"Get your lazy ass up and go check for the cans." She ordered me starting to pull the curlers out of her hair. "I have to go out for a bit, I need the money."

I need the money. Those were her favorite words when she'd send me on her little harebrained errands and after her fixes for her. If she'd already blown through her check in one day, she'd been seriously using more than I ever thought she was. Dad too. Meth was taking them over inside and out. "Its raining." I pointed out sitting up with the blankets held up to myself hoping she'd forget it.

"What? Scared you'll melt? If you can't get a god damned job you can at least do shit for me since I'm still dishing out for your lazy ass. I don't think you even looked." She snapped her eyes were dilated and wide. "Go get the fucking stuff or get out of my house."

I was pushing the blankets back, reaching for clothes already. "I'm going." I mumbled knowing it was easier not to argue with her when she was like this.

"Don't come back without at least 50. Stay out all night if you have to." Mom instructed me stuffing the curlers in her pockets. "Find something. You're a smart girl.. You always make do."

What I didn't tell her was that the money I usually returned with was a mixture of recycling money, and money from donating plasma every chance I got. Tonight, I had no idea how I was going to come up with her little quota. I hadn't ate yet and I knew they were broke if I was going out for them. I dressed as slowly as I could still chilled from my first trip and took off with her practically shoving me out of the door.

Loose jeans, wet sneakers, and a hoodie with a tank underneath didn't do much for protection but I trudged along wishing now that I would have fixed myself up some. Diosa was a classy place, if I was going to apply while I pilfered their dumpster I needed to look a little bit better. Or actually a lot better. I wasn't ugly… I was just.. Me. Short, with straight blonde hair that reminded me of a haystack, and blue eyes to match it were my good points. The bad ones were that I was so skinny my hip bones jutted out and my cheek bones were pretty prominent along with a scar that was a finger long on my left cheek.

Diosa looked packed when I crept through the parking lot, frowning a little at the motorcycles that were out front. The Sons were here at the whorehouse. I slipped around the side of the building underneath the shadows grateful that it was at least dark when I had to do this. I didn't have many friends but the ones I had, I didn't want to see me dumpster diving. I looked around to check that it was clear then stepped up on the side of the dumpster wrinkling my nose at the smell. God, this was awful.

I peered into the dark receptacle, spotting the blue trash bags they used for the cans at the bar and leaned down to grab them when someone's hands lifted me away from the bin. "Put me down!" I shrieked kicking at my attacker.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing out here?" A man's voice asked me, tossing me down to the ground.

My butt hurt when it hit the wet earth. I groaned a little bit, trying to get up when the younger guy that was with him pushed me back down again. "What's it look like?"

"It looks like you're stealin shit out of my trash." The handsome blonde man told me, cigarette dangling between his lips. His piercing eyes were glaring me down.

"Its not stealing." I snapped struggling to get up again, hoping he didn't tell the younger dark haired guy to push me down again. I could probably knock the young one over and run for it… the old one was the problem. President, his kutte read along with the other Samcro patches.

He smirked at me, pulling on his smoke before answering me. "Takin shit that ain't yours is stealin in my book kid. You mind telling me what exactly you're after in that thing?"

I brushed the back of my now wet jeans off, trying to make myself look at least a little bit decent. "Once its in the dumpster its fair game." I argued back with him. "And if it matters, I take the cans and glass every few days. No one's ever said shit before."

He glanced at the dark haired guy, sharing a look I couldn't read. The younger one was in a blank kutte, and stared at me in a way that made me uncomfortable. "So you take my shit… and cash it in? You make cash off of my trash?"

"Its not even yours… Nero owns the place." I told him with a look while I adjusted my soggy hoodie over my dampening hair. "I've saw him before. Didn't think he'd care."

And so far for the past couple of years, he hadn't cared if he'd known his trash was going missing. It wasn't like I was doing anything creepy or making big bucks. I was just taking a few cans, cashing it in, and buying some Top Raman or giving it to my mom for gas or whatever fix she could scrounge up with it.

"He does care. I'm his partner… Stay out of the trash." The blonde told me with a warning look that didn't seem quite as threatening anymore now that his eyes were softening towards me. "How much you get for those cans?"

"Sometimes $5, sometimes $20. It just depends on how busy you guys are." I told him wondering why in the hell he wanted to know. It'd be just my luck the biker gang would start recycling and kill my own business off.

He reached into his kutte, making me visibly tense. He held a hand up to show me he wasn't pulling a gun out and instead held a $20 towards me. "Go home. Don't let me catch you out here again."

I didn't like taking handouts and charity. I stared at the bill in his hand having a momentary battle in my mind. I was hungry, wet, and was going get to an earful and possibly a slap if I went home without anything. I had pride though and it killed me to reach out and take the twenty from him. "Thanks." I said softly pocketing it.

He waved me off like it was nothing, watching me take off around the side of the building again until I was out of his sight with his eyes boring holes into my back the entire time.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

It'd been two days since I applied around town and still no phone calls. I dressed in my freshly washed in the tub jeans and equally hand washed shirt, taking care to try and fix my hair in a loose style instead of a ponytail. Make up was minimal since I didn't really have any I was technically stealing my mothers and didn't want to risk looking like a clown. I paused in the grimy mirror noticing for the first time that my only prized possession was missing… a simple silver chain that had been given to me by my grandfather before he died when I was smaller. I felt my stomach churn, realizing I hadn't felt the weight of it around my neck since I was in the dumpster at Diosa.

I'd saw the ad being ran in the paper for 'help' at Diosa again and the open interviews at the ice cream shop in town. Pickings were getting slim and I didn't know how much longer I could keep donating plasma since I hadn't dared to go back and take the cans from the dumpster. It didn't specify what the job was they were hiring for, but I was willing to do pretty much anything at this point. And I meant anything. Besides, I had to have an excuse to go dig t hrough the dumpster again for my necklace even if it meant risking angering the local biker club.

It was before 10 so both my parents were passed out at odd angles in the living room when I tip toed my way through, careful to shut the door quietly behind me. They'd been out all night so I didn't really expect them up anyways. The walk was nice today, the breeze was cool and the skies were clear. It helped calmed my nerves about coming face to face with the Sons again. With any luck it wouldn't be the same guy doing interviews that would recognize me from the dumpster anyways.

I was a few feet away when I spotted two females coming out of the windowed shop laughing about something. I paused watching them discretely. I looked nothing like them past the blonde hair. They had on skimpy clothes, a ton of make up and looked like a million bucks. I pulled my bottom lip in chewing on it while I wondered if I should even go inside.

"You here to apply?" A male's kind voice asked me making me look up from my spying.

It was him. The younger dark haired biker that had pulled me out of the dumpster. He had a small smile on his face, not mocking, but kind. I glanced in the window of the shop before nodding. "Yes… yeah… I mean.. am I too late?"

"Nope. Bobby's inside. He's handling everything."

Bobby was revealed to be a large man with wild hair he tried to tie back into a messy ponytail while he peered at me over a pair of glasses seeming business like and scary all in one neat little package. His dark eyes read over my application before clearing his throat softly "You have no job experience."

I shrugged, I couldn't help that. "Nope… but I know I'll be a hard worker… I'll work over, come early… anything." I tried to look pleading with him.

"A little young for what we're hiring for." He finally said pushing my application away from his belly at the table. "Maybe try a burger joint."

Another rejection. I felt the little bit of hope I'd had die down. "Look, I know what you're looking for and I have no problem doing the job." I said quickly trying to convince him, I could see the younger guy from outside studying me from his stool at the counter. "I'm legal and willing… I just… I need a job."

Desperation must have been clear on my face because he gave me an apologetic smile and shook his head again. "Can't. But we appreciate you takin the time to come by…."

I let his words blur out of my mind as I stood up quickly with a loud scrape on the floor from the legs of the chair I'd been sitting in. "Thanks for nothing." I snapped before taking off out the door.

I couldn't even get hired to be a hooker. A hooker! I was willing to do anything to get out of this rut I was in, and I meant anything. I didn't bother wiping at the black mascara streaks that were falling down my cheeks as I hurred to Diosa to check out the dumpster before I went home. If I could find the necklace it might be my one last saving grace for the day.

The parking lot was pretty well deserted when I slipped in through the gates, walking as stealthily as I could around back. No sign of any bikes around back either. I kicked the usual empty crates to the side of the huge smelly metal recepticle and peered in. It was halfway full. I'd have to climb in and dig around if I really wanted my necklace back.

"I so cannot believe I am about to do this shit." I muttered to myself tying my hair back into a ponytail before lifting one bony leg over the side and dropping in. "Perfect fuckin day Linds…. You can't even sell your shit to make a few bucks, the local bikers won't even hire you, and now you're digging through their trash cans again."

It was dark inside the bin as I rummaged around wincing whenever I had to push a huge bag filled with god knows what around to look underneath it. One day, I'd look back on this and laugh I promised myself, I'd never do this again once I found my way out of this shit hole life I was stuck in. I had dreams, simple dreams, but still dreams…. Dreams of nice clothes, meals out, a car, and never digging in the trash again.

"Nobody wanted you then, why should they want to pay for it now?" I whispered to myself remembering the lowest point in my life so far. High school. "Dammit… don't let it get to you… not today…" I chastised myself just as a hard gust of wind slammed the lid down on the dumpster sending me into complete darkness inside.

The smell without any air breezing through was unbearable. I gagged as I panicked. I was stuck in here. Frantically I tried pushing the lid up but knew there was no way I was strong enough to budge it. I was stuck in here. What if they came to empty it? What if I got crushed by the trash truck? What if they found me in here again? What if no one ever found me in here?

"Help!" I called out weakly not sure if anyone would even be able to hear me inside of here. "I'm stuck!"

No one came though. I pulled myself into a corner I'd pushed the trash around out of and pulled my arms over myself, crying again. I'd cried more today than I'd cried in the past 5 years. I didn't believe in letting this much emotions show. "Think Lindsey… there has to be a way out…. Someone will bring the trash out soon." I hoped anyways.

I lost track of time as I sat there in the corner letting my thoughts run wild some more. Nobody cared I was missing. Nobody….a sudden bang then the lid being thrown open made me jump in, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hands. "Help!"

"How long have you been in here?" my savior asked me with wide eyes, not moving to help me out just yet.

I stared back at him. Him. Again. "I don't know. Help me… please.. I'm sorry." I moved to the side when he finally extended his hands. "The lid… it slammed shut."

"Didn't they tell you not to come back?" The dark haired guy asked me pulling me out with a frown.

"I lost… I lost something in there the other day. I needed to look for it.. Then I got stuck… and no one knew I was in there." I tried to explain hastily.

"Jax said not to come back." He reminded me with a look. "Must have been something important or were you after the cans again?"

I shot him a hard look back. "Look, I lost something. End of story."

"Not end of story." The smooth voice from a couple of days ago spoke to my left startling both of us. "I said stay out of my shit and I meant it."

Jax, the one with the president kutte was smoking a cigarette and leaning on the gate. "Don't you listen?"

"I said sorry ok? I lost something, came back, got stuck, I'm out now and I'm not coming back." I tried to explain to him desperately. "I didn't think it was a big deal…. Sorry…"

"You applied for a job this morning, didn't you?" He asked me, looking me over with a eye that made me feel like I was on display and doing a poor show.

I brushed my filthy garbage clothes off, nodding. "Yeah, yeah I did…. You turned me down." it came out more like an accusation than a statement.

The younger guy nudged Jax, nodding at the building. "Nero just fired Elsa. Maybe…."

Jax nodded slowly, still staring at me. "You know how to keep your mouth shut? Do what your told? Work?"

I scoffed at him. "Well yeah…"

"Want me to take her in?" The younger one asked again.

"Not tonight…" Jax told him tossing his butt down. "Be here tomorrow morning around 11. Rat will meet you here."

I had a job.