Arturwen: Hello! It is I, Elf, back with more yaoi (and maybe some lemon…maybe not… I'll let any readers decide that… dunno if there will be any readers but… whatever…)!!! ^______^ Not only does this story contain y., but also it contains brotherly y.!!!!!!!! Yaaaaaaaay!!! (")(")

Readers (if there are any o_O): "…"

Cricket: *chirp* *chirp*

Elf: *ahem* …Anyhoo… Yes, this is a brother/brother fic…more specifically: a Yamato/Takeru (Matt/T.K.) fic……… Yeah… o_O I'm not sure how many fans of this there are out there, but I'm writing this anyway ^________^ Hmm… what else? Oh yeah! The only seasons that I know semi-well are the 1st and 2nd… and I actually forget most of the 2nd _… So if any info is incorrect, bare with me…

Disclaimer: Do not own Digimon. Nor do I own any of the songs mentioned in this fic… Such as "So Far Away" by Staind… I love you Staind n_n

Claimer: MY BISHIES!!! *clutches Matt and T.K.* (I wish…-_-;;;)

NO FLAMES PLEASE!!!

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            'There he is again… Yes…there he is… I don't mean for him to be there…he just is. I can't help it…'

            His surroundings were black, but a few meters  ahead of Yamato Ishida stood a boy with shoulder-length, toffee-colored hair. The boy was attractive to all people. And although he is too young at heart and oblivious to it, that includes being attractive in the eyes of those of the same gender.

            But at this particular moment, the boy was not around other men, or at least he didn't realize it. At this moment, he was discussing something with a pretty-looking girl with shoulder-length, chocolate hair. Yamato often saw this girl with the boy, and he disliked her greatly. For she admired the boy as well…

            And how Yamato admired him. Never had he cared for anyone else in his life as much as he cared for this boy. He had never even fallen in love with anyone else: the lust for the boy kept him from doing so.

            'It's wrong…I should just leave now. I don't know why I keep coming back to him. It's all so wrong… He would never love me back anyway… would he? Maybe… maybe I should just try…give it a shot? It's not like I have much to lose… But… the girl…I wish that she'd leave… I'd hate to say anything in front of her…'

            But at these thoughts, the girl made slight body contact with the boy. It was only a touch of the arm… but still… It pained Yamato to see someone flirting with his own love interest.

            'Okay…I'll give it a try…I don't really care that much anymore anyway…'

Matt exhaled slowly, swallowed hard, and then began to walk forward toward the boy and girl. And as he approached them, the boy spotted him out of the corner of his eye.

            "Leave," the boy  said suddenly, and Matt froze.

            'Damn… I knew this would happen.'

            …But the boy wasn't talking to Yamato…

Before Matt could turn around and leave in disappointing shame, the girl vanished into thin air.

There was silence in the air for a few moments as the two boys gazed at each other in unspoken admiration.

            "…Matt…" The boy sighed, finally breaking the silence and approaching Yamato.

As the boy approached, Matt took the boy's face in his hands and kissed the boy's lips gently. And the boy let him do so.

They broke their kiss after a moment and stayed gazing into each other's eyes.

"This is wrong…" Yamato voiced at last.

"Wrong to whom? Wrong to the world? I don't care. I don't care about little things like that anymore… I only care about you."

"But what about-"

"Our families? Our friends? They don't have to know… We can keep it a secret."

"But…"

"Shh…" the boy hissed and leaned in for another kiss. Yamato pulled the boy closer as their lips locked. He ran his fingers through the boy's soft hair. Great lust filled him and he began to feel heavy with passion for the boy.

"I love you," Matt breathed against the boy's lips.

The boy grinned against Yamato's own lips.

"I love you too," he paused, "…big brother…"

"T.K.!"

But Yamato was no longer in a romantic stupor. He was sitting up in bed, in a sweat, having just awoken from the oh-so familiar dream.

Yamato began to apprehensively run his fingers through his hair, infuriated with himself. He often had dreams of tender rendezvous between he and his brother, and he hated himself more and more every time it happened.

"Dammit…" he cursed himself. "Why the hell does this keep happening to me? Why can't it just go away?"

He paused, recalling the dream, and he sighed. "…Takeru…"

Matt turned his head in frustration, closing his eyes tightly. He was fortunate tonight. At least he had woken up before it had gone any further, as it had done in previous dreams.

"I hate this…" he breathed to himself. "It all just sucks… and I can't help it… I can't help loving him…"

Tears were filling his eyes and his vision became blurred. Yamato blinked a few times, attempting to hold back the tears, but only causing them to spill over. He was never good at restraining tears, especially when he was alone.

He sighed in a manner of a shudder and looked around for something to hold. Matt often did this for comfort. He liked knowing that there was something for him to squeeze in frustration or for reassurance. Seeing nothing to hold but his pillow or blankets, he decided instead to hold himself, which was also something that he was accustomed to.

'Why am I always such a big baby when it comes to these things? I can be so weak sometimes… I can't believe I'm going to be seventeen in another few months… I sure as hell don't act it…' Pessimistic thoughts ran through his head in what seemed like an overdrive. It happened every time he had such illicit dreams.

"Goddamn it… Why the hell can't I just stop? I don't see why it has to be this way…"

He pulled himself tighter, as if pulling on his body could pull his life and emotions back together as well.

Yamato had been fourteen when the first dream had occurred. He and T.K. had been visiting each other a bit more often for the previous three years: the years after the eight digi-destined had saved the digital and human worlds. He was beginning to find it odd that every time he looked at his brother, a slight sensation would engulf him unlike anything he had ever felt before. Then one night, he had a dream. It scared the life out of him to learn that not only did he like the same gender, but also he liked his own flesh and blood. Even now, as he sad up in bed, crying softly and hating himself, he was terrified.

"I don't know what to do… I… I want someone… to help me… I want someone to tell me what to do… I don't want to make the wrong decision. I always mess up…"

Why he always had a negative attitude, no one will ever know. Not even Yamato himself could figure out why he always seemed to make life difficult for himself.

He turned his head to check his alarm for the time.

"3:00 am… I can't get up yet… But I'll never be able to fall asleep with all of this shit in my head…" Talking to himself was always found to be slightly helpful to Matt in times such as this.

And indeed it would be difficult to find slumber with thoughts of incest hovering through his mind. So he'd take refuge in his music.

If Yamato couldn't hide his emotions on his own, he'd hold himself to make it better, or hide behind the comfort of clutching a teddy bear or something of the sort. If he couldn't do that when he was in public or on another such occasion, he may take his frustration out on others. But when he was alone or even most of the time when he was around other people, Yamato would hide behind song.

This was the reason he began his band. They had agreed to write a lot of their own songs, but also to play songs of better-known artists. This led to a huge number of fans to attend their concerts. As long as you like rock, you'd enjoy Clattered.

It was Yamato who came up with the name. It fit their tone of music and it also fit his emotions. It suited the band well and they all agreed on it.

Matt reached over to the side of his bed and grabbed his pressious Walkman. He slipped the headphones over his ears and lay back onto his pillow. Finally, he'd get his rest… No more worries… And with this content feeling, Yamato pressed the button labeled "Play".

"…This is my life… It's not what it was before. All these feelings I've shared… And these are my dreams…that I'd never lived before. Somebody shake me cause I, I must be sleeping…"

And before the chorus was even reached, Yamato found his dreamless slumber… and all was fine.

"Somebody shake me cause I, I must be sleeping…"

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Takeru: …

Yamato: …You suck…

Elf: I know I do… Leave me alone ;-;…

Anyhoo… I hope you all enjoyed this sucky chapter… Although it is not very likely… *cough* It was mostly bad because it was a sort of introduction to the story… Review if you feel like it… Oh, and… happy Valentine's Day n_n (I thought this would be an appropriate time to post this story ^__^)

            By the way… I may be changing some things such as their ages and junk… So if their ages or whatever change halfway throughout the story, you know why… Also, I, myself, dislike songfics slightly… And although this fic will have songs in it, I'd recommend you'd read the lyrics… They tie into the story (most of the time anyway…)

This chapter's song: "So Far Away" by Staind