A/N: So I know I said I wouldn't write any more fanfics for a while, but this one wouldn't leave me alone. I'm still working on my original fiction, but I've hit a couple of roadblocks with that one that I'm trying to work through. So I guess this is just to get me back into the game. Just a one-shot, inspired by my ire at Casey leaving the show that the premiere just exacerbated. It's short, but I hope you guys like it.
Disclaimer: Everyone knows that I don't own the show, so let's just leave it at that, okay? Song title is one of my favorites by John Denver.
Former ADA Casey Novak sighed as she put one more softball trophy in the cardboard box by her couch. Four years as an SVU assistant district attorney, gone in an instant.
Because of a stupid mistake.
Forget grace as a lawyer. Forget mistakes. Forget apologies. Unfortunately, being an ADA meant there had to be rules. Rules that shouldn't be broken.
And as much as Casey didn't want to admit it, she made a mistake. She broke the rules.
Even though she just took a page out of the Jack McCoy playbook.
But she wasn't bitter. No sir. Getting fired from the DA's office opened up many doors for someone of her abilities, she thought as she fingered the airline ticket in her pocket. She could teach. She could write books. She could be a consultant for an attorney's office. The disciplinary committee, for some strange reason, didn't disbar her, so she could easily get a job at some law firm where such ethics weren't necessarily emphasized. Anywhere else but New York. Casey was getting out of the city that had been her home for so long. If she was going to make a new start, she would wipe the slate clean. Completely clean.
She sighed again and placed her hands on her thin hips. Her blue-green eyes roamed across her now-empty office. There were so many memories wrapped up in those dark wooden walls, in the mahogany desk, in the tall bookshelves that used to hold about a ton of law books, in the dark leather couch sitting by the window where she'd counseled many a rape victim.
Zegrin had attacked her in that office. Casey still shuddered at the memory of his foot slamming into her rib cage, his hands around her neck. Even a year or two of intense therapy hadn't taken that feeling of being a victim away.
If it hadn't been for that office, she'd have never met Elliot and Olivia, people she counted as two of her best friends. Despite their arguments and professional differences, they'd grown close. Especially her and Elliot. They'd always had a kind of camaraderie from their similar military backgrounds, love of sports, and desire to see justice done. The first couple of cases were rough, but then they'd developed a mutual admiration and respect, both professionally and personally. That bloody attraction to him never found its way into the open. And in a sense, she regretted that.
She'd come to grips with her abilities as a lawyer in that office. When Casey first arrived at SVU, she was confident, assertive... hell, she was a bitch. It took just one case to wipe all that away. Suddenly she became uncertain, doubtful, humble. And then the detectives gradually built her back up into a competent prosecutor with a far-better-than-average conviction rate.
But then it was all blown to hell. By one stupid mistake. One stupid mistake, and everything she'd worked for was gone.
So she was leaving. Leaving behind all the memories - the good and the bad.
She'd always hated change. This change probably sucked more than any other change in her life.
A soft knock on her door startled her out of her reverie, and she looked up to see Elliot Stabler standing in her doorway, his hands shoved way down into his pockets. His blue eyes were sad. "Hey," he said quietly.
Casey swallowed hard and folded her arms across her chest. Her typical defensive posture. "Hey."
"Packing up?" he asked, crossing the threshold so that he stood inside the office.
"Yeah," she replied, giving him a wan smile. "I think I'm just about done."
He nodded and glanced around, his expression growing even more solemn. An awkward silence settled over them as he studied the dark walls and empty desk. Casey tried hard not to fidget, impatiently waiting on him to say something. Finally he sighed, and his blue eyes connected with hers. "So... what're you gonna do now?"
Casey kicked herself mentally. She'd told Olivia she was leaving, but she hadn't told Elliot. It was too painful, like ripping out stitches before the wound was fully healed. "I'm leaving."
A small smile played at the corner of his mouth. "I gathered that."
She chuckled and leaned against the edge of the desk. "The city, I mean."
"What?"
"I'm flying up to Boston tonight. I have an interview with an agent about a book I've been writing for the last couple of years."
His eyebrows shot up. "A book?" he asked, almost incredulously.
"Yeah, a book. About the unit. About being their ADA."
"You never mentioned you were writing a book."
Casey let her gaze fall on some imaginary spot on the desk, not wanting to look at him anymore. "There's a lot I never mentioned to you."
She could feel his ice-blue eyes on her, and before she knew it, he was standing right next to her. His hand, warm and strong, gently gripped her arm. "You'll be missed, Casey."
She swallowed hard and slowly lifted her head up to meet his eyes. They were gentle, yet sad. "I'll miss you guys too," she whispered softly.
"Do you have a place to stay yet?"
"A family friend lives up there. She's going to let me stay with her for as long as I need."
Elliot nodded again, his hand never leaving her arm. "Good." He stared at her for a moment, neither of them speaking another word. Casey could feel the tension pressing in on her, but she stared back. Almost daring him to do something.
Finally he sighed and let go of her arm to motion to the box still sitting on her desk. "Is this everything?"
Casey nodded. "That's the last of it."
He reached over and easily picked up the heavy box. "C'mon," he said with a smile. "I'll walk you down to your car."
They made their way through the quiet, darkened corridors to the elevator, and within minutes they were down on the street. Casey's car idled next to the door, piles of boxes visible in the glow of the street lamp. "Thanks for your help," she said, wrapping her arms around her. The unconscious gesture was more for comfort than anything else - the summer air was warm and pleasant.
Beautiful night, except for those boxes in her car and the man next to her.
"Of course," Elliot replied with one of his famous Stabler grins. She opened the car door for him, and he carefully set the box down on top of the other boxes. He stepped out of the way, and she pushed the door shut, the bang echoing dully through the streets. Elliot turned to face her, his grin slowly fading.
"I'm going to miss this place," Casey said softly, looking up at the building.
"It definitely won't be the same without you." Elliot shoved his hands in his pockets, and his eyes met hers again. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
Casey's eyes widened at that. She could be brave and ask him, just once, if she could act on that attraction. Or she could just let it go. And wonder forever.
Before she knew what was happening, she stepped closer to him and softly settled her hands on his biceps.
"Casey," Elliot whispered. "What're you doing?"
She didn't have a clue. All she knew was that she couldn't let this opportunity pass her by.
Softly she brushed her lips against his. Testing. Feeling. At first he didn't respond. But then her heart leapt as he wrapped his arms around her and gently kissed her back. It lasted but a few seconds. Just a few seconds of heaven.
Finally Elliot broke the kiss, pulling back and softly smiling at her. Her heart pounded against her chest. At least he didn't look mad.
"That was..." he whispered.
"I'm not going to apologize, El," she replied, attempting to step back just a little. But his arms held her close to his chest.
"I never asked for an apology."
Casey cocked her head slightly and furrowed her brow. Could it be...
He released her and stepped away, crossing his arms over his muscular chest. "Do you know when you'll be back?"
She pursed her lips and pretended to think. "Well, I can't exactly take everything in my apartment on the plane with me."
"True."
"So I'll need to either fly back down next weekend, or have someone bring it up for me."
Elliot rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I think I have next weekend off, if you wanted me to drive up."
"You don't have to if you don't want to."
Suddenly, he stepped closer to her and kissed her hard. She barely had time to fist her hands in the back of his shirt to keep from falling backwards, as he buried his fingers in her long red locks. The kiss was as passionate and bruising as the previous one was soft and gentle.
After what seemed like hours, Elliot let her go and stepped back, his blue eyes dark and chest heaving. "I want to," he said simply.
Casey nodded, still breathless from his kiss. "I should probably go. I have to drop this stuff off at my apartment."
"Don't wanna miss your flight."
Another nod. "But I'll see you next weekend?" He grinned at her and silently opened the car door. Casey chuckled and shook her head. "I guess I didn't even have to ask."
"No, you didn't." He waited until she got in the car and leaned in, gently brushing his lips against hers in just a whisper of a kiss. "Have a safe flight." With that, he shut her car door and stepped back.
Casey sighed, turned the key in the ignition, and slowly pulled out into traffic, heading uptown toward her apartment. Her eyes traveled to the rearview mirror. Elliot was still standing where her car had been parked, watching her intently. A slow smile spread across her face.
Maybe change could be a good thing.
