I loved the episode where Riley left for the military after Buffy found out he was basically going to vampires and having them suck his blood. But I think this is what should have happened after he'd gone and Buffy didn't catch him in time. Spike is in this, he's my favourite character, for his attitude and humour, not just because he looks like Billy Idol.
Oh no it's all a mess
Dont know if I should undress
The wounds you want to caress
I made it to the other side
-My Vampire, Soho Dolls
She walked down the street towards her house, her arms crossed over her body, trying to keep warm. The moonlight shone down on her and the stars were lit up in the sky, yet she didn't notice. Buffy felt too numb to notice anything right now.
Riley had left. She had seen him leave. He hadn't seen her.
She had ran, faster than she had ever ran before, cursing and crying as her legs powered through, racing to catch him before he left on that helicopter. She had run for love. She just hadn't been fast enough.
A cry caught in her throat. Buffy had lost Riley forever. He wouldn't know how she felt. He'd still think she was angry at him, unforgiving. But that wasn't the case at all.
She reached her house and stopped outside the front door. She would go inside, retire to her bed and sleep, forgetting about this whole night and wake up the next morning feeling more worse than ever.
Slowly, she reached out and turned her key in the lock and entered. The house was dark, her mother wasn't awake. Obviously. It was 12.30am, her mom was usually in bed by ten.
Buffy trudged up the stairs, trying to stop herself from shaking. A floorboard creaked.
Entering her bedroom, she made her way to the ensuite bathroom. She looked in the mirror.
Oh God, I look like death.. she thought as she studied her reflection. Her hair was windswept, her face streaked with makeup after the tears she had shed.
Another floorboard creaked.
On instinct, Buffy tensed. The house could probably just be moving. Or maybe it was a bloodsucker, waiting to kill her. One could never be too wary.
In a swift movement, Buffy reached into the bathroom cupboard and grabbed the stake she kept on reserve. She may look like death but she sure as hell wasn't going to end up in its clutches.
She threw open the door out to her bedroom, ready to break loose.
"Excuse me, that's a rude way to greet your guests!"
Standing by her bedroom door, in his leather jacket, was Spike. His bleach blonde hair was slicked back as always, his cheekbones sharply pointed.
Buffy slowly brought the stake back down. "You could have knocked."
"I prefer the element of surprise. But now I guess I'll be more careful," he quipped. He made his way over to her bed and sat down. He looked so out of place in her bedroom. Buffy ran a hand through her hair and sniffed.
"You've been crying," Spike announced. Buffy rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, so? It's not the end of the world."
Spike frowned. "It must be for you, your makeup's all over the place."
"Well, excuse me while I make myself look more presentable for your Lordship," she snapped. Spike closed his eyes, regretting saying anything. Buffy put the stake back in her bathroom cupboard and came back to find him reading a copy of one of her old magazines.
"Wow. Never took you for the girly type," she said dryly. Spike threw it away from him.
"If you're crying over that idiot of a boy, you're deluded," he told her.
Buffy didn't say anything. She knew Spike and Riley had never got on. Riley had always felt threatened by him, while Spike had.. well, she didn't know.
"Buffy, he was going to vampires and-"
"I know what he was doing!" she interrupted, frustrated.
He went quiet.
"He's left, hasn't he?" he asked softly. Buffy looked at him in surprise. She had never heard Spike talk so tenderly, so gently, before.
"M-Maybe," she stammered. "He's gone to the military. No contact with civilians. He left before I could change his mind."
Spike nodded. He thought for a moment. What could he say to her to make her feel better?
Nothing came to mind.
Buffy rubbed her eyes.
"You could say maybe it's for the best," Spike said. Buffy shrugged. "Maybe. Still hurts."
Spike sighed and stood up. He stood over her, six feet of him. "I don't like you hurting," he murmured. The piercing blue of his eyes stared into hers, taking her in. Buffy held his gaze.
"The slayer should never be hurt," he continued, "You should never hurt."
"I'm hurting right now," Buffy whispered.
"Don't," he whispered back.
His lips touched her forehead. Dear God, his lips were soft. Buffy bit her lip, trying to hold back her tears, but to no avail. They trickled down her cheeks. Spike caught them with his fingers, his fingertips hot against her skin. He kissed them away. Buffy knew this shouldn't be happening. She had to stop this. But she couldn't.
Something about Spike made her not want to stop this. Her lips found his and she kissed him. Spike nearly came off balance. He hadn't expected her to respond in this way.
He didn't want her to hurt. Maybe he could help her feel better. Their kiss became more fierce, his hands tangled in her hair, holding her to him. She clutched his shoulders, feeling the muscle underneath his shirt. Spike brought her legs up around his waist, lifting her up against the wall. He had wanted her for a long time. Riley had always ensured he never got her, but now Riley was gone. He couldn't stop him.
"S-S-Spike, we should stop-"
"No!" he cut her off, his lips still on hers. "You know you don't want to."
She answered by pulling him in closer to her. His scent, his body, his voice, made her want him. She needed him right now. She needed his closeness, his laughter.
She loved him.
But she also loved Riley.
Riley.
No. She couldn't do this. Yet she found herself now on her bed, with the bleach blonde vampire above her, kissing her neck.
No.
She loved Spike but this couldn't happen. Not now. Not on the night that Riley left.
"SPIKE, NO!" she shouted out, throwing him off her. He landed on the floor.
"What?" he yelled in shock.
"We can't do this! Not with him gone. You shouldn't have kissed me! I'm hurting and you took advantage of that!"
Her words echoed in the air.
Buffy wished she hadn't said it. The hurt expression on Spike's face showed her that she was wrong. He hadn't wanted to take advantage of her.
I just love you, his eyes said.
Tears pricked Buffy's eyes. "Oh god.. this is a mess.." she whispered.
Spike stood up, arranging his jacket.
"It's your mess to sort out," he snapped. "Get yourself together, Buffy. I wanted to be there for you but you won't let me. I give up. Maybe I'll see you when you're out killing one of my bloodsucker friends."
He stalked out the door, leaving her alone on her bed. The scent of him still hung in the air.
Buffy had never felt so alone in her life.
