She gently touches the handle, her fingers deftly tracing out its shape. It's dull and worn from the many hands that have touched it. Her hands, her dad's hands, clients' hands; impatient hands, firm hands, trembling hands. So many people that have come in contact with the door, so many people that they all swirl into a sea of gray in her mind, the semblance of a dilapidated ship setting forth into the whiteness and uncertainty of the horizon.
The metallic surface is cold. Dead.
It's just a door, Veronica. Get a grip
She expects it to pulse and radiate from the heat of all the hands that have touched it, but when her fingers come in contact, the knob is lifeless. If anything, its coldness chills her.
A tiny sliver of a tear appears in her eyes, watering and trembling slightly until she blinks it back. Her lashes are damp and she chides herself for being so emotional.
Veronica, meet door. Door, meet Veronica.
She laughs a little at this, and takes out a key.
Insert key, turn, open door. Simple, right?
Mars Investigations is still etched on the door, and for a second, she wants to lean forward and kiss the emblem. It's a momentary thing, and the second the thought enters her head, she realizes how stupid it sounds.
White walls, shadows. Door.
When she gets inside the room, the first few minutes are spent on the couch, face buried in the folds of musty fabric, fingers running along the ribbed edges. She's knows exactly where it is, where she needs to look, but an invisible force keeps her rooted on the couch, immobile, a prisoner of her own thoughts.
It's silver, delicate, star-shaped. It's lying inside the drawer of the desk she used when she worked for her father. She's come so far to get it, but now she doesn't know if she can do it.
--
Lilly was too wild, too fabulous, too crazy, for friendship bracelets. But it didn't matter,
because that's not what those necklaces were, Lilly had insisted. They had been at the boardwalk, sun beating down on their faces, lips sticky from cotton candy. Hers was pink, Lilly's was blue. Lilly wanted to try Veronica's, but instead of taking some like a normal person, she just leaned over and kissed Veronica on the lips, devious grin playing on her lips.
"Hm, not bad," she smirked, laughing at Veronica's shocked expression.
"Lilly!" shrieked Veronica, instantly embarrassed, anxiously glancing around to see if anyone was paying attention.
"Oh, lighten up, Veronica," Lilly exclaimed, beaming at her, linking arms. "Now let's go do something fabulous!"
They had sauntered (ok, bounded) into a small stand selling jewelry. On the way there, Lilly had insisted on reciting Shakespeare. Her modified version, anyways. Veronica couldn't be sure what she did more around Lilly- blushed, or laughed. Either way, it was a good feeling, sweeter than the lushest strawberry, excitement, fear, thrill, blinding sun and rushing water all in one.
They had gotten matching necklaces- Lilly thought they were so cute, and Veronica though the silver necklaces were beautiful. Veronica wore her necklace every day, Lilly wore hers sporadically. She thought it was adorable that Veronica wore hers every day, though. Even after Lilly wasn't around to see her wearing the necklace, she wore it every day. In fact, she's worn it every day for the rest of her life.
She wore it on her wedding, and when Logan kissed her, sunlight glinting into the church
through the tinted windows, her mind a rush and whirl of excitement, barely able to stand, kissing him back on his soft, sweet lips with a passion and intensity she'd rarely felt before, silver star necklace around her neck, and how beautiful everyone said she looked, all the tears of joy and emotion spilled, Lilly was there, and everything was right.
She wore it when she gave birth to her daughter, an experience so painful, emotional and heartbreaking, she can't believe she has a heart, she's given it all to her daughter. So many hours, doctors, sterile equipment, Logan by her side the whole time, necklace peaking out from under her gown, her cheeks tearstained and her body completely exhausted and weak, and she has a daughter.
--
She walks across the room, her breathing ragged and short. Pulling at the sliding drawer, she reaches out and picks the necklace up with her thumb, dropping it with a slow, fluid motion into the palm of her hand.
--
She had it by accident, when Lilly died. Lilly had left it in Veronica's room a few days before. Inconsolable after Lilly's death, Veronica would lay awake at night, tears streaming down her face, necklace clutched in her grasp. For many years now, the necklace had been in the drawer. Veronica brought it in one day when her dad wasn't around, and hadn't moved it since. She had a new life, a life Lilly wouldn't ever be a part of, but she never forgot Lilly. And so the necklace stayed.
--
Their daughter is four. She's beautiful. And now she'll have Aunt Lilly's necklace.
Footsteps echo up the stairs, and Logan's tall form appears at the side of the doorway, head resting against the frame, thoughtful brown eyes roving across the room, concern and understanding etched across his face. He wets his lip, biting thoughtfully, smiling wanly towards his wife. He knows why she's here, and he wants to know that she's ok.
Their daughter is sleeping in his arms. His right arm supports her, her polka-dotted sundress draping over his hand. Her head is resting on his shoulder, pressing into his soft flesh. Cascades of sandy brown hair frame her forehead, locks swaying gently as she stirs slightly in his arms. Shifting his arms carefully, he gently brushes her hair aside, planting a wet kiss on her cheek. Inaudibly mumbling, she nuzzles closer into his shoulder.
He sees Veronica looking back at him across the room, and they share a smile. She walks over to him, and before she can say anything, he silences her, indicating their sleeping daughter. The edges of her delicate pink lips curve into a smile, and she leans towards him and gives him a gentle kiss.
His voice is low and smooth when he speaks up.
"You have it?"
Wordlessly, she lifts up the necklace, her features calm, a slight wave of nostalgia washing over her. Logan manages to steady her with one of his hands, as her body sways and her lips quivers ever so briefly. But then she's fine, a reassuring smile full of gratitude on her face. His eyes gently probe into the infinite depths of her expressive eyes, worry crinkling his brow.
She presses her face against her daughter's soft cheek, kissing her on the nose, smiling through watery eyes. Quite, delicate laughter escapes through her mouth and pearly teeth.
Lilly's always with her when she wears the silver necklace. But now she knows that Lilly will always watch over her daughter, as well.
Lilly was unique.
But Violet is special.
