Hey, y'all, this is Katya. Alright, so there are a couple of things I need to cover before you start reading the story. First off, the reason Hiccup is so strong and aloof around Astrid is just because I wanted to show the dichotomy of how the fact that Hiccup lost his leg made him weaker, but the experience and triumph of defeating the Red Death made him stronger. Also, I was curious of how this would affect his relationship with Astrid. So, from her inside point of view, she's very girly and in love with him. Excuse that.

Also, we made lines between extreme paragraphs (I don't know what you call them) but they didn't appear, so it might be kinda confusing. We are trying to fix it, but until then, keep that in mind when there is an extreme change in topic.

Wattup, dear readers of this story, this is Steinnun. I'm only here 'cuz Katya needs my laptop to write this story :) And because she is NOT a homing pigeon and does not know her way around FanFiction. I am her guide. Her randomly awesome, gorgeous, fun, hawt, light in the dark. XP Yeah, so she couldn't do any of this crap without me. And this is her telling me to say all of this stuff. So don't think I'm conceited. Cuz I'm not. I'm just awesome.

The Life and Times of a Viking Teenager

By Steinnun & Katya

Chapter 1- Just Another Day

The sun spread its delicious golden rays, like butter on toast, across the hilly terrain of the island on which the small village of Berk resided. The scent of summer skipped through the air, and a light sea breeze played music through the trees. Utter peace was the only way to describe the lazy little village on a lovely morning such as that. Nothing could ruin it.

...

"Didn' I tell ye not to touch tha' sword?" Gobber's booming voice shouted from the forge.

"I'm sorry!" a young voice cried out, "I didn't know the metal was still soft!"

"Calm down, Gobber, I'll fix it." Astrid breathed in, closing her eyes, savoring the sound of her beloved's voice. As soon as she realized this, however, she immediately snapped open her eyes and glared at Fishlegs, who was standing nearby, staring at her with his mouth open.

She stared at him defensively. "What are you lookin' at?" He just continued to look at her, duped. "Someone is cooking roast beast! I love roast beast! Fine! You figured it out!" She stomped up the path to Gobber's forge, slamming the door behind her, and hoping her little lie worked.

Inside she was met with one pretty astounding sight – Hiccup. Hiccup half-naked. The moment seemed to go on for forever – she consumed every bit of it hungrily, from his calloused hands gripping the hammer above his head, following down his arms, knotted with sinewy muscle, trailing down the strongly defined planes of his chest, down to his hipbones that narrowed into leather pants.

And abruptly the blessed moment, his hands falling hard upon the misshapen sword, was over. Her senses came back to her and she was suddenly once again aware of the outside world – a.k.a, Gobber and her little brother Erikk laughing their asses off.

She glared at them furiously, and one could almost see steam coming out of her ears. Erikk grinned wider, but Gobber simply raised an eyebrow at her and bobbed his head in Hiccup's direction.

"Oh, hey Astrid." Immediately all thought of anger dissipated from her mind. She turned to him, her stomach feeling as if it was being churned to butter. He had come near to her, and she could make out beads of sweat on his brow, his cheeks slightly flushed from the heat and the work.

She looked at him incredulously, thinking of how much of an idiot she would look if he knew how she was really feeling."And what the Hel do you think you're doing?"

An adorably cute look of confusion crossed his face as he leaned back against the door, raising one hand to scratch his head, hooking a finger on the other hand in one of his back belt loops, sagging his pants down a little more, revealing a little more of his flat, but hard, stomach.

She couldn't help it - she had to touch him. She reached out and pushed against his chest, savoring the brief feel of his rough skin and hard muscle beneath. He lost balance and stumbled, but quickly regained it, spreading out his hands in a lost-looking gesture. " Valentine's Day is tomorrow and you think you can just hide in here, avoiding me? Really? Wow, that's really romantic." She pushed past him and outside into the fuzzy summer heat.

She knew he would follow, but that knowledge didn't stop her chest constricting when she heard his heavy steps as he jogged up behind her (still shirtless.) His arms encircling her waste, however, were completely unexpected. Nor was his sudden whisper in her ear, "Babe, I've been planning for our special day for three months. Everything's set up."

She relaxed into the sanctuary of his bare body, and before she knew what was happening he had scooped her up into his arms. Immediate concern laced itself into her mind as he stumbled on the first step."Hiccup, I-"

"I'm fine." He said. His voice was rough, hard, strong. He took off at a jog, his metal brace squeaking at every other step.

"I think you need to oil that thing." Astrid said, subconsciously adding a subtle sleekness to her voice.

"Oh really?" Hiccup glanced down at her, an amused smirk on his face, emphasizing his high cheekbones. "And what does that mean?"

At risk of an extreme turn on, she had to disengage from his harmless flirting. She turned her head away from his intense green gaze, which made personal feelings blossom up from somewhere deep inside of her, something that would be completely sinful outside of a bedroom.

"Heeeeyy, look at the little lovebirds. Don't give me that look, we all know what went on last night. You could hear those ones all the way across the village." Ruffnut's sarcastic voice could be heard from a nearby doorway.

"Dude, that was Gobber." Katya Nightengale stood nearby, looking at Ruffnut as if she was an idiot. "I mean, seriously. Only he can squeeze himself hard enough to sound like two grown men having sex."

"Wait, so that wasn't his wife?" Ruffnut looked extremely confused.

"Guys! Seriously! For once can we walk past you without hearing some sick comments? Nothing's happened between us!" Hiccup said, setting Astrid down on her feet.

"Gobber masturbates?" Astrid asked, looking at them with interest.

"In front of the mirror." Katya confirmed, nodding solemnly.

"How would you know?" Ruffnut asked, a playful glint in her eyes.

Katya shrugged and said, completely honest, "I always did like older guys."

"Ewwwww, I could've gone my whole life without knowing that." Hiccup said, looking slightly sick.

"C'mon, let's go." Astrid said, grabbing his hand. "I'll talk to you later, guys. And no flirting with Hiccup's dad! That was just wrong." Astrid then dragged Hiccup away, who now had started to gag.

Katya looked over at Ruffnut, confused."But… I've never even talked to Hiccup's dad."

And they both burst out laughing.

...

Steinnun stormed through the village, furious. She had had a rotten morning. Full-grown Vikings flinched at the audible darkness around her. Her anger was palpable – you could feel it in the air from three yards away.

Earlier that morning, she had discovered that Mikael (that screwball!) had kissed Rinda (that dirty ho!) and she was, to say the least, . Mikael had been hers, off-limits. Sure, they had broken up two weeks before, but it was a trial break-up. She wanted to see what his reaction would be.

Okay, so maybe it hadn't been a trial break-up. But she loved him. And she wanted him back. She loved him. They had been together for five years! Five friggin years. But, whatever. She'd get over him. She had to. He was with Rinda now. That bitch.

"Hey, Steinnun. You okay there, bud?"

She spun around at glared at him- yes, him. Mikael.

"What do you want?" Her voice was the epitome of hostility.

His longish blonde hair whipped across his green-blue eyes as he flinched."Hey, I'm just here to help. We're friends." He reached out his hands and grabbed hers, steadying their angry shuddering.

She shivered as their skin connected, and sparks flew. Without her allowing them to, tears flooded her eyes."No we aren't! You gave up any say in my life as soon as you left." She turned and ran, leaving him standing there, stunned.

Well, she thought as she sprinted, At least I made him feel bad.

...

A couple of minutes later found Steinnun crying on the beach. Her small body curled over in the fetal position, her brown-red hair covering her tan, bright face and her usually lively brown eyes. Today they looked dead. She was going over every bit of Mikael in her mind. When he had been hers. His bleach blonde hair that always fell in his face, his blue-green eyes that sparkled like the sea on a sunny day. His overly skinny body, and all of the times she had pressured him to eat more. His strong arms, and his legs that could carry him for miles. All of him in his spindly height, making her feel completely surround when they embraced. The feel of his full lips against hers... She shuddered, and more tears burst from her eyes. She knew that she would be stuck there all day. Crying.

...

Snotlout Jorgensen was never a very... nice person. Alright, he was flat-out gross. Digging dirt out of his toenails with a knife at the dinner table, picking his nose and wiping it on Fireworm's head, and a kingdom of baboons could find more than enough bugs for dinner in his hair... hair not only on his head, too. But, hey, he had grown up around a bunch of Vikings. He was one. It was classic, like peanut butter and jelly, sun and sky, moon and stars, Viking and... gross. He was not only calloused on the outside, but on the inside, too. He was a full on, through and through, man. Viking man. So, you wouldn't have expected him to start dancing (yes, dancing) when he heard the "sweetest voice in the universe" singing.

"Pretty gurl swag, I got that pretty gurl swag." It wasn't a song he recognized, not like usual Viking songs, and it wasn't a voice he recognized either. No one in the village had a voice like that- full of life, with a range from bass to soprano, sweet like honey and sugar, but with a classical tang, one that added a unique timbre to it. It was, bottom line, gorgeous.

Snotlout skipped through the woods he had been exploring (before he had heard The Voice,) doing pirouettes and leaping through the air, pointing his toes and everything. One could almost envision a sparkly pink tutu on him. As he kept on going, still dancing and following the voice, he got a cramp in his foot and had to limp the rest of the way, only being able to do what he called the "Irish Leprechaun Kick" every couple of minutes. Soon he came to a clearing he recognized, where a waterfall was.

To his everlasting surprise, it was Ruffnut who was under the waterfall. She was wearing on of those leather string "bikinis" that the girls had taken to wearing while getting in the water. She was standing knee-deep in water, turned to the side, so she didn't see him immediately. She was ringing out her hair, which for once was out of its braid and framing her face, emphasizing the delicate features she had. It was to her waist, which was small, yet flared. She had a flat stomach, with baby abs. And, although Snotlout denied it afterwards, an amazing ass. Her "bikini" emphasized every good thing about her... lady lumps.

Of course, then, she decided to notice him. She seized in her singing and spun to completely face him, taking a defensive stance while slightly covering herself up."What are you doing here?" She asked in that husky, deep, man voice that everyone had always ridiculed.

Snotlout was speechless."I-, I mean, you- and then it was... wow."

She smirked at him and let her hands fall, placing them on her petite waste."Is that a wow at my voice or my bod?" She slightly sung it, making her voice once again musical and perfect.

"Both... Wow." He leaned against a rock, just staring."Holy crap. Dude, you're like... hot."

She smirked and crossed her arms. "Yup. You likey?"

He nodded eagerly. "Oh, yes."

"Well too bad." Her voice was husky again, and she stepped out of the water and pull on a long, bulky tunic."I'll see you later, Snotlout." She walked past him, swaying her hips slightly, passing quite close by him, then, after about seven steps, turned her head slightly to look back at his stunned face.