Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Left Out of the Loop
By: ChoCedric
He feels a torrent of jealousy sweep over him as he hears James and Sirius, in carefree voices, discussing their plans for after Hogwarts. They are both so sure in the fact that they'll be Aurors, and it makes him feel sick. He has no idea what he wants to do, but he knows he's not smart enough to be an Auror. As a matter of fact, he's not smart enough to do much of anything.
He was always envious of the two boys and even Remus, because they got through school like it was nothing, while Peter needed tutoring just to scrape by in a subject. He resented Sirius especially because when he helped Peter, he always made him feel like he was the lowest of the low. "No, Peter!" he'd say in exasperation. "Try again, you still don't have it right!"
Even though life after school looks bleak for Remus because he's a werewolf, Peter knows he'll be okay: he heard James and Lily say they'd support him. James is very rich, Peter knows, and that's yet another thing he's jealous of. His family's always been in financial trouble; it's a wonder he was even able to go to Hogwarts. It's probably only because of Professor Dumbledore being Headmaster that he was allowed to go in the first place!
As the talking and banter between his friends continues, Peter feels totally out of the loop. For once in his pathetic life, he wants to be known as someone important, someone who shouldn't be crossed. People have always teased him all through school, and he also has a real problem with gullibility. He'll believe almost anything anyone says, so there were times he didn't even know he was being teased. He took the longest out of all three boys involved in the Animagus project to acquire the skill, and it frustrated him to no end.
There are also times where he feels like just the tagalong, like his friends really don't want him around, that they only put up with him because he's the fourth roommate in their dormitory. He feels like it wouldn't make much of a difference to them if he were a pile of dust on the floor. For once he wants to be a hero, someone people can look up to. He doesn't want to be the last to know the Marauders' secrets anymore, the last to get a certain spell in the classroom, the last to get a potion right. He wants to be the one Professor McGonagall gives her winning smile to, the reason why Professor Flitwick falls off his chair in pure excitement. But he has a sinking feeling that if he continues at this rate, he will always be known as slow, pathetic, bumbling little Peter.
One day, he vows to himself, I won't be left out of the loop anymore. One day, he'll be given important information and trusted fully with it. He can't wait for that day to come, and he'll find a way to make it happen. One day, he will be a hero, be rewarded with the Order of Merlin, First Class, and that will be the proudest day for Peter Marcus Pettigrew that has ever existed. And that's the truth of the matter.
