Lori's POV

My friends and I are gathered on a couch inside Central Perk, listening to Monica Geller's interesting story. "There's nothing to tell. Just some guy I work with," she protests as a waitress pours coffee into a mug that sat on the coffee table. "C'mon, you're going out with the guy. There's gotta be something wrong with him!" My best friend, Joey exclaims expectantly. "So does he have a hump? A hump and a hair piece?" Chandler, my other friend asks as he sits on top of the arm rest of the couch. I sit between him and Phoebe while Monica sits the opposite of Phoebe. Joey sits backwards on a chair and Ross wasn't here yet. Monica glances to the side, annoyed. "Wait. Does he eat chalk?" Phoebe inquires casually. Monica cocks her head confusedly. There was no mistaking that facial expression. "Just 'cause I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl. Oh!" Phoebe sighs sadly. I was shocked to hear she was still thinking about that goofball.

I glance up from my worksheet from a new client at my job as an accountant, reading numbers, preoccupied. Chandler and I exchange incredulous glances, possibly thinking similar things. "Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex," Monica points out. I roll my eyes, not believing a single word she says. She's in denial. "Okay," I say disbelievingly to get my thoughts across. Monica eyes me pointedly and crossly. I shake it off, focusing on my work. "Sounds like a date to me," Chandler states. We've relocated our seating arrangements: Phoebe sits on the long side of the coffee table. I'm still sitting on the couch, consumed by my calculations with a calculator I stored in my purse on my lap. Joey sat on the chair closest to the window.

"Alright, so I'm back in high school, standing in the middle of the cafeteria and I realize I am totally... naked," Chandler reports one of his recent dreams as the same waitress from before refills Joey's coffee. "Oh, yeah, I've had that dream," we all chorus. I punch in some numbers on my calculator to sum up the total of the newest client's fees for the year. "Then I look down and I realize there is a phone...there," he continues, an uncomfortable pause in his story, gesturing grandly. "Instead of-?" Joey asks dumbly. "That's right," Chandler responds eagerly, interrupting before he could finish his question. That's different but all of Chandler's stories are very colourful. Especially this one. "Never had that dream," Joey says defensively. "Me neither," I chime in preventively. It's been awhile since I said something so this'll have to do. "No," Phoebe adds. "All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring," Chandler informs us, unashamed. Phoebe smirks as she folds a green piece of paper to pass the time. I look through my paperwork and come to conclusion that piece of paper was missing from my package. It had the information of the client that was signed and filled out by her. It was dire to my work. "Oh, sweetie, I need that, thanks," I lean forward and she passes me the paper reluctantly. I store it with my other papers. "Okay," Phoebe says gloomily. "Here, play with a napkin," I offer, sliding my unused napkin in front of her.

"And it turns out it's my mother," Chandler divulges, giving the effect of anticipation. I look over to see Monica's eyebrows arch, shocked by the news. "Which is very very weird because... she never calls me," he says oddly. Well, I for one know for a fact that wasn't the weirdest thing in the whole story. "Are you sure that's weird?" I question curiously, concerned that he'd think that. "Oh, ha ha, very funny," he replies sarcastically and knew I got through to him.

It's raining outside and our seating arrangement have switched. I'm still in the middle on the couch, Phoebe and Monica beside me. Chandler on a chair closest to the counter and Joey remains sitting by the window. "Hi," Ross greets us melancholy, holding an umbrella as he stands between the pathway of the couch and the chair by the window. "This guy says 'hello' I wanna kill myself," Joey retorts seriously as he glances at all of us. He should really learn to adapt to one's feelings so he doesn't end up making them feel worse. Joey glances to Ross as do I, my eyes flooded with concern. "You okay, sweetie?" Monica asks, patting at Ross's arm eagerly. "I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, and pulled it out of my mouth, and tied it around my neck," Ross apprises graphically as he walks to where Chandler sat on the chair by the counter. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose, disgruntled.

"Cookie?" Chandler holds up a plate with a few cookies stacked on it while chewing his food. Ross glances at him, frazzled. "Carol moved her stuff out today," Monica explains the reasoning behind Ross's morbid thoughts. I open my mouth in awe and my eyes turn sympathetic as I stare at Ross as if I was hurt by this too. Carol and I got along during the times we were hanging out. I don't understand how Carol could leave Ross like that. It's cold hearted and something you just can't get over knowing the person so long. "Oh," Joey acknowledges. "Let me get you some coffee," Monica offers instantaneously and rises from beside me and Ross begins to walk beside the couch. "Thanks,"

Ross sits beside me and Phoebe slowly as if his emotions reflected his actions. "Ooh, oh!" Phoebe exclaims dramatically as she places a hand on her heart. She starts to pluck the air around Ross's head frantically and attentively. Phoebe has her quirks but that's what makes her who she is. I don't mind them as they're not too serious and most of the time it's funny. "No, no, don't. Stop cleansing my aura!" Ross snaps at Phoebe demandingly while putting his umbrella on the floor, raising his arms protestingly. "No, just leave my aura alone! Okay?" He requests bossily and moves his hands together then far apart so Phoebe'd get the point. Phoebe goes back to playing with the napkin I sacrificed for her benefit. Right now I'm in the middle of a chocolate muffin and forgot to ask for another napkin.

"I'll be fine, alright?" Ross begins unconvincingly. Chandler's reading a magazine I notice and looks unamused and I simply don't believe Ross the way he said that was just too brisk and sudden for me. "Doesn't sound like it," I report hastily and he glares at me and I return my gaze to my paperwork. "Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy," Ross continues miserably, staring at the umbrella's handle he held. "No you don't," Monica says automatically. "No I don't. To hell with her, she left me!" Ross yells angrily and points to his face and then to nowhere. "And you never knew she was a lesbian?" Joey inquires curiously. Oh, so that's the reason? I've been too caught up with work that I haven't been able to talk to Ross and this was one of the first times I've seen him since long. Ross's eyes grow wide with exasperation. "Aw, Rossy. I'm sorry to hear this," I coo at him softly. "Eh," he shrugs at me and frowns. I should learn how to cope with dealing with my work and friends as now Ross and I are distant although we're usually really close.

"No, okay!" He lashes out on Joey after our quick exchange. "Why does everyone keep fixating on that?" Ross asks desperately and I notice Phoebe watches silently. Joey tilts his head and readjusts his seating on the chair. "She didn't know. How should I know?" Ross points out, gesturing to himself defensively. He's got a valid point there. But he spent everyday with her. Shouldn't he have at least felt suspicious?

"Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian," Chandler states randomly and I almost choke on my last bite of my muffin. Everyone glances at Chandler questioningly and Monica stands there with the coffee, confused. Does Chandler know what a lesbian was? I hope he did. "Did I say that out loud?" He asks, realization kicking in or was it because the staring was difficult to ignore? I chuckle delightedly. Chandler should be a comedian but actually recite jokes that make sense. Monica hands Ross his coffee and we direct our attention elsewhere. I look back to my papers. "Alright, Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurtin'. Can I tell you what the answer is?" Joey lists possible emotions Ross is portraying. Ross gestures for Joey to impart his insights.

"Strip joint!" Joey responds cheerily.

I roll my eyes but sometimes you can't just call Joey out on his mistakes. He doesn't think before saying things and that simply can't be helped. I can relate. I'm no miss perfect. Ross glances away from Joey after his outburst, raising his hand disbelievingly. "C'mon, you're single. Have some hormones," Joey went on without realizing Ross wasn't going to have any of this. I cast him a sharp look and he only raises a brow at me. "I don't want to be single, okay? I just...I just...I just wanna be married again," Ross tells Joey lightly. We all turn around as I notice something white fluttering around in the corner of my eye. A woman in a wedding dress turning this way and that. That's ironic. I squint at her closely and recognition fills my eyes. Rachel damn Green. She ruined my life. I didn't get along with her back in high school. She always had to copy me...what I wore, who I dated, and which model of car I drove. It was becoming pretty competitive near our senior year but I stayed in the same school. Eventually we lost track of each other when I became an accountant. I've been one four years and counting. I have a handsome boyfriend named Dan who I think is planning to marry me. It's our two year anniversary soon and we're closer than I am with my parents.

Dan should be arriving here from work soon. We drive separate vehicles which is awkward but our workplaces are distant. Speak of the devil, the door swings open not too long after Rachel's unexplained arrival. Out of perforce, his gaze meets mine, causing my heart to melt. Dan's blonde hair swept across his forehead and his hair was long and straight. His hands are hidden behind his back and I'm distracted when Chandler shouts, "and I just want a million dollars!" I grin when Dan does and he approaches the back of the couch where I sit and he stands beside Rachel, unaware we were or are still enemies. It all depends if she's changed. "Rachel?" Monica questions and then glances to Dan. "Hey," they exchange pleasantries and Dan walks around the couch to sit beside on the arm chair, presenting me a rose wrapped in a bouquet. "Thanks, hun," I say before kissing his lips and when I pull away, Joey's watching us with an amused expression. "What?" I ask, curious what was with the expression. "I guess a rose a day keeps cupid in place," he remarks, chuckling. "Hi, Dan," Ross greets him with an identical tone as before when he first arrived but it was slowly getting cheerier. "Yo, Ross," he responded coolly with a wave.

"Oh, God. Monica, hi!" Rachel exclaims, capturing our attention with her whiny voice. A few strangers stare, interested by the odd situation as she and Monica hugged. "Thank God. I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here. And you are, you are!" Rachel continues, mimicking the pounding of a hammer when she mentioned it. "Can I get you some coffee?" The waitress behind the counter offers, concerned. "Decaf," Monica requests smoothly, pointing to Rachel. "Okay, everybody, this is Rachel. Another Lincoln High survivor," Monica introduces my past arch nemesis and guides her between the pathway of the couch and the chair Chandler claimed. "This is everybody. This is Chandler, a-and Phoebe, and Joey, and Dan," Monica begins the introductory, pointing at each person she names. "You know Lori already. She's dating Dan as I've mentioned," Monica informs her proudly. Oh, great, is Rachel gonna ruin our relationship? I guess I'll have to find out. "And you remember my brother Ross?" "Hi, sure!" Rachel confirms and walks over to approach him and Ross attempts to meet her halfway but his umbrella opens unpremeditatedly before her. "Hi," he greets her, unscathed by embarrassment. Rachel gasps in shock and steps back from the umbrella. Ross sits beside me as Dan and I chuckle. He picks up his coffee and a waitress walks over to ask Dan his order. "Black coffee please. Strong," he tells her and she returns to the counter to brew it up. Joey reaches over and pats Ross on his shoulder, Phoebe looks at Rachel, her eyes wide with astonishment.

"So, are you going to tell us now or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?" Monica prompts Rachel's explanation as we can't quit ogling her dress. Rachel huffs nervously and glances at the coffee table. She's squished between Ross and I and her wedding dress was blocking my view of my papers so I decide it couldn't hurt to entice myself into the prolonged story and have a break. "Oh, God. Well, it started a half hour before the wedding...I was in this room where we were keeping all the presents and I was looking at this gravy boat," Rachel begins hesitantly, probably concerned that she's telling this story to people she had only met once. Does every sentence have to begin with 'oh God' out of Rachel's mouth? "This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat," she continues breathlessly, moving her hands to symbolize a gravy boat. "When all of a sudden. Sweet 'n' lo?" Rachel says before being handing her coffee from the waitress who stealthily walks up from behind the couch to serve her. "I realized... I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry," Rachel tells us, bewildered by her own story. The waitress returns with the sugar and I smirk to Dan who's evidently been smirking this whole time.

"And then I got really freaked out... and that's when it hit me-how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head," Rachel frets and the sugar packet in her hand shakes briskly as she turns to look at Ross, Dan, and I. "Y'know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar but..." Rachel stops short and hands Ross the sugar packet to open as she was too flustered apparently. "Anyway, I just had to get out of there and I started wondering why am I doing this and who am I doing this for?" Rachel ponders out loud and I look to her with understanding as Ross pours the sugar into the liquid. I rub her back soothingly as she glances to me with a distant smile and then her eyes flick over to Dan, curious. "So, anyway I just didn't know where to go and I know that you and I have drifted apart but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city," Rachel explains, looking to Monica. I didn't even tell Rachel where I'd be moving after high school, fearing she'd be copying me and live right next door to me. I stop rubbing her back as I think about how she seems not to remember any of high school with our being frenemies. "Who wasn't invited to the wedding," Monica said accusingly and shook her head in a way that old she was offended. "Oh, I was kind of hoping that wouldn't be an issue," Rachel says honestly as Ross begins to stir her coffee.

...

Dan and I are currently sitting beside each other on the floor of Monica Geller's apartment as everyone else had occupied the couch. Ross was standing behind the couch with one leg resting on the top of the couch while Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe sit on the couch and Monica was on the chair to the left of it. We are watching some television that's in Spanish. I understood fluently as my ancestors and most recent kin are from Spain. I visit them when I can on a scheduled vacation so it's not inconvenient for clients. "Now I'm guessing he bought her the big pipe organ and she's really not happy about it," Monica suggests confidently. She wasn't wrong about it therefore I don't correct her. "Daddy... I just. I can't marry him. I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!" Rachel says from the kitchen as she was currently on the phone and I just couldn't ignore her whiny voice. "Ohh, she should not be wearing those pants," Chandler remarks knowingly at the television. There were two women tussling with each other at the top of the stairs on the show, yelling back and forth. "I say push her down the stairs!" Joey says triumphantly. "Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!" We all chant encouragingly and as if the woman had been listening, she complies. I look back to the coffee table, pop has been appointed to all of us and I grab Dan and I's can and gulp down a few. "Hey, hog. Leave some for me," Dan requests vivaciously. "Sorry," I shrug mindlessly and pass him the can. The woman painfully tumbles down the stairs, distracting me. Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler clap spiritedly.

"Come on, Daddy, listen to me! It's like all of my life everyone has always told me: 'You're a shoe!' You're shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!" Rachel suddenly shouts into the phone argumentatively. The television was shut off and we all glance in her direction. I stand up to look at her, concerned and confused. "And today I just stopped and I said, 'what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a-a purse?' Y'know? Or- or-or- or a hat?" Rachel continues her crazy analogy as Ross closed the refrigerator door with a new pop, looking at Rachel quizzically as she had no idea how insane she sounded. "No I don't want you to buy me a hat! I'm saying that I am a hat! It's a metaphor, Daddy!" Rachel suddenly outbursts as Ross still stood by, listening. "You can see where he'd have trouble," Ross comments quickly. Rachel glances at him and he points to the couch, declaring he'd get out of her way. Rachel stares to assure he's gone from the kitchen but we're still staring as she sighs helplessly. "Look, Daddy, it's my life. Well-well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica," Rachel says calmly. We turn our heads automatically towards Monica who still stayed on the chair. Monica looks at us plainly and shrugs her shoulders. "Well, I guess we've established that she's staying here with Monica," she recaps as if an announcer on a television show. Joey nods with a smirk. "Well, maybe that's my decision," Rachel says decisively. She huffs, "well, maybe I don't need your money," she declares firmly.

"Wait, wait! I said 'maybe'!" She exclaims, sounding frightened as she walks a few steps forward, hanging up the phone before she could say anything else stupid.