A little something I posted on Tumblr for Asexy April and thought I might as well post here, too. You don't see many Asexual!Merlin fics.
Also if I remember correctly I wrote this at like three in the morning s it's not my best.
Disclaimer: Don't own BBC's Merlin, never will.
He had always loved Arthur, right from the beginning. He just took a long time to realise, because how was he to know what love should feel like, when the way he loved was so different from the norm?
He didn't love Arthur the way Arthur had loved Gwen - all want and sexual desire, as much part of their love as the tenderness and need to protect each other. Merlin had never loved Freya that way. He didn't love Arthur that way. 1.5 thousand years and he didn't feel the slightest sexual attraction to the man he'd spent that time looking for.
When Arthur had kissed him, five years after he rose from the lake of Avalon, Merlin had been worried. Arthur had kissed Merlin how Arthur had once kissed Gwen, but Merlin couldn't give him what he would undoubtedly expect to follow.
He had to tell him. Of course he had to tell him, he'd definitely had enough of secret-keeping as far as Arthur was concerned. The moment came when Arthur kissed him again, the second time. They were climbing into the bed they'd shared since they realised it was the best way to keep nightmares at bay. For the first time, all that sharing a bed suggested hung over Merlin, threatened to suffocate him.
"Arthur, I don't do sex. If you want me to do that, I'm sorry, I just- I just can't." He spoke to the ceiling, but Arthur's voice came from beside him, his breath ticking Merlin's ear - although his voice was louder than strictly nessassary.
"Yes, Merlin, I'd gathered as much."
Merlin turned to face him. "What?"
Their faces were close, close enough that even in the dark room Merlin spotted the flicker of amusement that flashed across Arthur's face. "Did you really think I was that dense? Surprisingly enough, I do actually pay attention. You're asexual, I get it."
"I'm sorry? I'm what?"
Arthur rolled his eyes in the darkness. "Honestly Merlin, you were around to watch the world develop, yet somehow I still end up knowing more about it than you do. You're asexual - you don't experience sexual attraction."
"Oh." Asexual. The adjective he's been looking for to describe himself all these years has been but a google search away. He should really have bothered learning how the internet worked, but he'd kind of passed it off as useless when he had books and magic. Arthur loved the internet. Merlin suspected this was mostly to annoy him. "Is that what it's called, then?"
"Yes. And frankly, it's a good thing you are. I'm not exactly eager to try that with a bloke, you can imagine... Merlin, why are you looking so stunned?"
"Nothing. You're taking this well."
"Merlin, while I am not asexual, I have no desire to have sex with a man. Indeed, I had no plans to ever fall in love with one." He quirked his eyebrow at Merlin's expression. His voice lowered. "You are, as they say, the only exception... I should have asked earlier, I'm sorry. How much are you ok with? Is kissing ok?"
"Kissing is very much ok."
"Good."
Merlin grinned. "I'm going to kiss you now, in fact."
"Well then don't announce it like that. You spoiled the romance." Arthur grumbled.
"Idiot." Said Merlin, and he kissed him anyway.
