Hi, everyone! This is my first SGA story, and it was written for my roommate's birthday, if you couldn't tell. She gave me her blessing to share with you all, and we hope you enjoy it. If so, please don't hesitate to review and let me know. P.S.: This is most definitely a crack!fic, so please don't be frightened; this is not quite how we are in real life. ;)
Disclaimer: If you recognize anything, I don't own it. Unfortunately.
The Unexpected Birthday Present
Kerri burst in the door of Zeta Tau Alpha house, eyes wide behind her crooked glasses. "Alex?!"
The entranceway was full of half-drunk college students, gyrating to some techno. Kerri scowled as she searched, occasionally bumping into people.
"Sorry," she muttered repeatedly, eyes roaming back and forth. "Excuse me, have you seen my friend Alex? She looks a lot like me, only neater and wearing makeup?" Her T-shirt had some grease stains and her jeans were fraying at the hem, but that was the only mind she paid them.
Eventually, she made her way down to the basement where she finally found a finely coiffed Alex sipping a Cosmo and speaking with a group of girls.
"Alex, come on. I gotta show you something," Kerri said as she grabbed Alex's arm. Alex finished her Cosmo and tried to say good bye but Kerri already had her halfway up the basement stairs.
"What's going on, Kerri?" Alex giggled, following Kerri through the crowd. "Did you find two adorkable guys for us?" She doubled over laughing at her tipsy wit.
"No, it's even better," said Kerri, focused on getting Alex back to their dorm room where the surprise was waiting.
At the door to their room, she stopped as she fished her key out of her pocket. "Alex," she said, "you have no idea how amazing this is. You're gonna freak out!"
She opened the door and shoved Alex in, whose jaw had gone completely slack at the sight of the Blue Box taking up most of the space between their two beds.
"Wha–? How did you–?" Alex shook her head a couple of times to clear it. "Is that a TARDIS?!"
"Yep," said Kerri proudly. "I've been watching a lot of Doctor Who with Roxie lately, so I checked it out on Wikipedia. Just started tinkering around and POOF! Instant TARDIS!"
She opened the door and bowed Alex in.
"It's bigger on the inside than the outside!"
"Of course it is," Kerri said matter-of-factly, "it's a TARDIS. And for your birthday, you get to pick where we go."
"Does it work?" asked Alex, running her hands over the controls. Kerri slapped her hand away from an ominous red button.
"It won't if you hit the self-destruct button," she said. "Where should we go first for your birthday?" She spread her hands out in a grand gesture meant to encompass everything, but she only succeeded in banging the center control panel. "Ow!"
Alex ignored her as she considered her answer and explored the console. She saw the doorway to the other areas and stopped. With a grin, she said, "How about the MTV Video Awards, where Jakob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen sang 'One Headlight' together?"
Kerri thought about this, trying to clean her glasses on her T-shirt. She looked through them, shrugged, and put them back on. "I'd need the specific date for that. What about Dane Cook's time travel idea?"
"No way, that's disgusting!" shrieked Alex, trembling violently. "How can you even suggest that? Let's go to JFK's inauguration speech instead."
"Not into politics," said Kerri absentmindedly. She stared into space for a minute and shouted, "I've got it!" Alex jumped and bumped into the guardrail Kerri had installed in case of turbulence. "We'll go to the Beatles' first press conference in New York, February 24, 1964. How's that sound?"
Alex rubbed her elbow and glared at Kerri. "On one condition - you don't yell and make me bump into things any more!"
"Sweet! Close the door, I've got the controls!"
As Alex ran back to the doorway, Kerri took a large mallet from under the control panel. She grinned as she raised it over her head and brought it down on the controls. After doing this 3 times, she dropped the mallet on the floor and spun a wheel for exactly five seconds. She pressed some random buttons, smacked the console, and picked up the mallet again when they heard the distinctive whir of the TARDIS dematerializing.
"Oh my God!" yelled Alex as she grabbed the guardrail. "It really works!"
"You doubt my abilities?" said Kerri, riding the turbulence like she had already done so many times. "This is the last time I bring you anywhere."
Eventually, after Alex declared she would vomit at least six times, the TARDIS rematerialized. They picked up their signs - "John 4 President" and "Paul Be My Sex Slave" - and opened the TARDIS doors onto a scene they were not expecting.
"–the Wraith!" The panicked voice of Dr. McKay echoed in the dead silence of the debriefing room at Kerri and Alex's appearance with their posters. He turned around to see what everyone was staring at, and for once, he was speechless.
"Who are you, and what are you doing here?" asked Weir, trying to take charge. She was ignored as the girls rounded on each other.
Alex hit Kerri over the head with her poster. "It didn't work!"
Kerri rubbed her head and scowled, dropping her poster. "We're not still in the dorm, are we? Maybe we didn't go back in time, but we did manage to get to another galaxy!"
"This is what happens when you get your blueprints for sci-fi technology from Wikipedia!"
"Yeah, well, at least we didn't rematerialize next to a black hole!" She blinked and lowered her voice, bringing her face inches away from her friend's. "Have you realized where we are yet?"
TBC... Please review so I can post the rest of this for you!
