She is beautiful... Her innocence, and childhood still captured within a marvelous shell.
Though I admit... I miss her when she was alive.
I miss seeing a true smile on her face, instead of keeping it in my memories. My darling little doll... My adorable daughter... I see now that the image I have created for her doesn't suit her. It captures nothing of what she used to be... I can no longer remember her laugh, or see the glimmer of joy in her eyes, or even hear her voice...
The red princess-like gown I have gifted her doesn't fit her. The white bow is just another mistake, it makes her look even more dead inside. Her skin is coarse and cold... But most of all, her glassy eyes are now a dull black instead of the dark blue they used to be. It is quite odd that she, Aya, was the only one of my dolls to lose all of her natural color... The serum usually keeps the colors in place.
What have I done.
I know it was for the best... Don't I?
But did I really want her to make the same mistakes as I?
Even if I may partake in grotesque and seemingly insane activities, but I still acknowledge just how twisted my roots are.
I have often told myself to stop, and sometimes, I spent time with my daughter when I did so. But I always returned to that blood-soaked lab, no matter what. No matter how much I cared about Aya, I cared about my research more. Now that I realize that, I feel sickened by it.
I am addicted to death, and it's beauty, and I am not afraid to admit that.
And I will continue my work until I die...
But was Aya dragged down as well.
I failed as her father.
Even if preserving beauty is my joy, it wasn't my heart's desire to do it to my daughter. She was a terrific daughter... Always caring about my well-being, always polite, always obedient...
I couldn't have asked for a better child to care for.
But my wife, Monika...
Like I fell for her outside appearance, she fell for my inside. And mine is rotten to the core. And she didn't want my research to stop. She wanted Aya to continue my work. She wanted Aya to become a murderer. How long she has been scheming this, or if this was payback for my affair with my assistant, I do not know. But I found a dead rat hidden in Aya's dresser. Just like I hid dead animals... I read Monika's diary, and the evidence showed that she was to blame. A year after I killed her, she arose from the dead, and she kidnapped me, intending to leave Aya to fend for herself, wanting me by her side for all eternity...
I should have done it gracefully, I admit, but I didn't have the time.
She ruined everything.
And so I had to rush.
And by doing so, I lost everything.
I had Maria, my research, and most importantly, my daughter. That was all I needed, and because of her actions, I only have one left. I admit, this is partially my fault, but I knew what was best for Aya... At least I thought so. Because of my mistake, everyone I love is dead.
Now, I have nothing but books, papers, research, and a cold, lifeless, doll that was once my beautiful daughter.
She was a magnificent daughter, a beautiful little girl, she was innocent…
And I tainted her.
I turned her into this, I soiled her beauty and life.
I did this.
She is gone, and she will never come back. No matter what, I will never hold my little baby girl ever again... I'll never hold her hand, I'll never hear her laugh again, I'll never see her eyes light with joy, I'll never hear her sing... she will never know the scent of another flower, she will never dance, or hug, or cry ever again.
Beauty is marvelous and appreciated because it is fleeting.
I could have stopped my work, and Aya would still be alive, Maria would still be our maid, and I could have easily gotten rid of Monika all the same.
It's too late now.
I'm so sorry Aya... But you do know this was for the best, right? I didn't want to, I was obsessed with my work, and something snapped inside of me. I thought this was the only way, I was sure of it... I could have tried to reason with you, but I didn't want to confront you, I thought you were too far-gone, like I am.
Now, I want to tell you... If you can even hear me...
That you are my beloved daughter, my only child.
And you should have stayed as a child.
It was cruel to sustain your image as a doll, and I'm sorry... But if anything, you will always be my daughter. And I will always love you, even if you don't love me, even if you hate me.
You are my most precious gift.
. . .
I
Love
You
Aya
. . .
