First off, I would like to say that this is my first fic, and second, I do not own any of the metroid characters, the simpsons, Dragonball Z, or Oh My Goddess!. That is all. Enjoy!

The depths of Magmoor caverns, the one place (let alone the whole planet) Samus did not destroy. It was a place of tranquility, a place to reflect, a place to forget your defeats.for a dragon. You see, the great Space Pirate General Ridley has come to a place like this to find a cure to his massive depression.

Ridley was slumped over a rock, looking down on the bubbly action the magma provided. He was so depressed that he started to sing. Nobody else in the whole entire world that is Tallon IV heard him singing before. This could mean trouble.

"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows the sorrow."

"General Ridley, your dinner sir?" A former Power Trooper asked. After the many defeats the pirates suffered thanks to the hunter in metal clad, this Power Trooper gave up his career as a soldier to pursue a career in cooking. He now has a job as Ridley's chef (and waiter, since he has to bring Ridley food to the table).

"Ah yes.my food. Did you get that Shadow Pirate to get me the comic books I've requested? I cannot eat without reading my comic books at the same time.why is he late? I told him to be back at 25 past 12!" His voice echoed across the room.

"Sir, with all due respect, the comic books you requested are in the nearest solar system. According to my calculator, he should be back in five minutes."

"Excellent." Ridley replied sorta like Mr. Burns off the Simpsons. But he would not touch his food until he got his comic books. The "Chef" thought he was a total asshole all the time, but during dinner he is a lot worse.

If silence could kill, the former power trooper would've been dead and thrown into the pit of lava a long time ago. He wished Kraid were here because he's the only one that could say anything at any time, obviously kill this deadly silence and even make fun of the general. Ordinary space pirates like himself, even if they breathed wrong, would get punished. And by punished I mean a 50% ration cut, overtime hours of work without overtime pay.

Ding-Dong!

"Let him in. Now I can start my feast." Ridley waved to the chef as a motion to let the shadow trooper in.

"What took you so long? You know what kind of an asshole he can be when he doesn't get his goddamn comic books!" The chef was whispering to the shadow pirate, who was sweating and breathing heavily.

"Sorry, got distracted."

"Distracted?!" The chef sounded astonished.

"Well.you know what kind of street that comic book shop is at, right?"

"Hmm.let me think. I know exactly what kind of street it's in because I cook 23 hrs a day, and I get loads of free time in my hands."

"What's taking so long? I want my comic books NOW!" Ridley yelled, slamming his fist on the table to emphasize his demand. Sometimes he can sound like a big, whiny 5-year-old human as well. Space pirates detested the times he was like this. Hell, they detested him all the time, just like anyone hates their boss. The shadow trooper came into the lava-adorned room.

"Here are your comic books, sir." The shadow pirate said, with a hint of hesitation. He did not look at Ridley, that way he thought, would hide his hesitation a bit better.

He left the room soon after, bid his farewell, and closed the door behind him.

"I must say, you've outdone yourself once again, chef. This is the most excellent feast." Ridley said, between gulps of soup. "Now let's see what Freeza is up to in this month's Dragon Ball Z."

"Here, I'll read it to you, since you don't get much entertainment here I presume." Ridley offered. "Ahem." He cleared his throat.

"No. True happiness." he turned the page. It seemed that he didn't take a close look at the pictures. ".Can only come from within. It cannot be given, even as a gift. To feel as you wish, with free will, even though you may feel sorrow.." At this point, the chef noticed several veins popping out of Ridley's skull. But he kept reading, getting angrier at every word. "Is worth infinitely more.. than a heart filled with empty joy. MY DEAREST KEIICHI???!!!' WHAT IN THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL IS THIS?!" He flipped to the cover. The title read Oh My Goddess! Queen Sayoko Part 4 of 5.

Ridley was also known as a raging lunatic. In such rages, personnel were required to leave the room immediately. He flipped the table; plates and food smashed the floor. The chef was devastated, but there was no time for that now, he had to evacuate from the room. It was too late.

Ridley was too quick for the lone chef, wrapped his tail around him, squeezing the air out of him.

"I want you to FIND the prick that did this to ME! You hear me? And when you do, see to his execution."

He tossed the pirate across the room and into the door. The chef scrambled up to his feet, looked at the general with such great disgust, felt the door, and left the room.

"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows the sorrow."

Who can save Ridley from his depression? What was the food he was eating? Would the chef pirate say, "shove it, Ridley, I quit!" and pursue yet another better career as a stock broker? And what about the street the shadow pirate visited? Toon in next time for another (exciting?) episode of Massive Depression!