My beautiful Jac,

When you read this Harry and I will be on our way up to Penrith. I wrote it because I didn't want you to think I've left because I don't love you, because I so do. More than you'll ever know. You've made my world go round, you've become the reason that I want to wake up in the morning. Every time you smile at me, or kiss me, you make me feel like myself again. I hope you know that it's always been you Jac. It just shows how strong our love is, that no matter all that we've been through, we've been here for each other all the way. These past two months…I never thought we would get the chance to be together again…but we did and every single moment I spent with you, I fell more and more in love with you every day.

I want to say sorry for making you hurt. I'm sorry for not choosing you in the lockdown. It makes me feel sick that I caused you to believe that I didn't love you anymore. I shouldn't have chosen Faye. I know that. But the truth is, I think I was trying to get over you by replacing you with someone I didn't love. I couldn't love, because I was still in love with you. I know how hard it is for you to watch me with Harry. I know how hard it must have been for you staying with me in that clinic when Faye was going into labour. I can never, ever thank you enough for what you said to her. You are the reason I have a son today. And what hurts the most is that he should have been ours. I wish he was ours. You would have…no...will make the most amazing mother to our child some day. I believe in that. I have to.

I love you Jac, and I know that inside you're angry with me that I left. I don't want you to be upset. I don't want you to feel like you don't mean anything to me, because you are my world. You and Harry are the two most important people in my life and for you I would die.

I don't blame you for not coming with me. It was selfish of me to ask. I know that you have been working your entire life to become a consultant. I love you too much to take that away from you. You are an incredible surgeon, and I don't ever want you to feel like to need to prove how good you are to anyone again. To me you are amazing. You and me…..we're like Michael says… Team Naylor and Byrne….ebony and ivory…..Bonnie and Clyde…however cheesy that sounds. I like cheesy. I'm going to miss working with you, screaming at you, fighting with you, loving you…..

Thank you so much darling for showing me what it feels to find your soulmate. You mean so much to me I can't even begin to describe it. You are my colleague, my worst enemy, my best friend, my lover, my girlfriend, my future wife. As long as you want me I'll be right here next to you, in your heart and in your mind. And you, you will be forever with me, the only woman I'll ever love.

Please don't beat yourself up about not coming with me darling. I am so sorry that I have to go, but I need to do this for Harry. To be the dad my father never was for me. Something tells me this isn't the end for us. With you and me…well we always find each other…..always come back. I will be waiting for you until the day you have had enough of cutting people up. I will be waiting you make you my wife and have the most beautiful babies with you, if that's what you want. All I want is for you to be happy. I love you and I always will. You've stolen my heart and I can never give it again to another soul.

Yours for eternity, and more

Joseph xx