Summary- Harry, Ron, and Harry's muggle friends get caught drinking/doing drugs. NOT CANON. Harry's parents are alive, voldemort isn't around. Based off of the song He's Mine by Rodney Atkins.

A/N- I hope you enjoy! Don't forget to review!
Disclaimer- I do not own anything to do with Harry Potter.


"Harry man, you should try this." Jerry said. He passed the joint to Ron, who offered it to Harry.

"I told you, I don't like weed. I'd rather just drink this." He held up his can of Bud. The guys all laughed.

"Dude! I see purple things floatin' around..." Alex, Jerry's brother, said as he grabbed the air in front of his face.

"And I see dead people." Anna, Harry's current girlfriend laughed. She was the only one sober.

"Baby, come over here and give me some lovin'. I love it when your touchin' me all over!"

Anna got up and sat down on Harry's lap, kissing his neck.

"You two are gross!" Ron yelled.

"Get a room!" Jerry yelled. Alex wolf-whistled at them.

"Hey! Whose over there?" They heard an older man shout. It was the owner of the field.

"Run!" Anna yelled. Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and held her on his lap.

"We ain't going anywhere!" He told her.

"Harry you can have your fun later. We gotta bail!" Anna yelled at him.

They all got up, stumbling, and started running towards Harry's house.

"Stop! I command you to stop!" The man yelled to them.

"Ah!" Harry yelled as he fell and landed face first in a mud puddle. Everyone else kept running. Ron looked back for a moment and saw Harry struggling to stand up. He was too drunk and kept falling over. Ron sighed and walked back to his best mate, knowing he was in trouble now as the old man had caught up to Harry. The others just kept going, soon disappearing.

"Thought you could get away did ya? Well you won't get away from me. Not Mortimer, no sir." He grabbed onto Harry's jacket sleeve and waited until Ron got back to grab onto his sleeve also.

"We won't go anywhere sir." Ron said. "Just let me help my friend up."

"I know your fathers. You bet you won't be going anywhere." Ron smiled a little as he let go of their arms. No muggles knew who his parents were. "Quit your smiling! There's nothing funny about this!" The old man set off towards where the boys all were running to, looking back to make sure the boys were following.

"Ron! We're in trouble now aren't we? My dad's gonna kill me!" Harry whined.

"Shh, he doesn't know who we really are. Just play along." Ron helped him up and put an arm under his to help him walk.

"Thanks for sticking with me, Ron. You're da best!" Harry attempted to whisper.

"Yeah, I know." They got to Harry's house and the old man saw Lilly outside.

"Girl! Are one of these boys yours?"

"Harry James Potter!" Lilly said when she saw him. She called towards the house. "James! Get out here!"

"What's wrong?" James asked, walking out of the house.

"Son, which of these boys belong to you? I caught 'em and some of theirs friends out in my back pastor. They were smoking and drinking. There's about 20 beer cans out there now."

James looked Harry in the eye. "When my boy was younger, he was always in trouble. He's a little me, right down to his bones. That one there," he pointed to Harry, "Is mine." He took over Ron's job of helping Harry stand. "Everyone that know him remembers when he took on a kid double his size, all for making fun of this one here." He pointed to Ron. Both boys smiled a little. "I'll take the blame every time, since I've done everything before him." James messed with Harry's hair. "I love him unconditionally. He's mine."

"They'll get punished?" The old man asked, not really caring about what James was saying, but distracted a bit.

"I've got it taken care of. Thank you sir." He turned to the boys. "Boys, follow me." Then he walked into the house, helping Harry and followed by Ron.


A/N- So? Tell me what you think.