Be My Lifeguard

AN: Alright so Harvey is a tad OOC in this, but it's more compliant with Season 5. Also in this Rachel and Mike are not together. Please Review, also there might be some triggers for panic attacks, also Spoilers. And Donna is a bit selfish in this. Sorry. I do actually adore Donna but this needed to be done for my story. Marvey.


Chapter 1:

Harvey couldn't breathe. Not only that, but it felt like he was drowning. His vision was blacking out, his stomach was rebelling, and he couldn't think straight. All he could do was try to make his way to the men's bathroom so he could break down in peace.

How could Donna leave him? After all they had been through together? She had been the one solid in his life for over the past decade. And now she was leaving him for Louis Litt? Bull shit! No! She would come back! She had to! But. What if she didn't? No! She would! She had to!

He heaved into the toilet, his mind overrun by panic, not even registering what was happening. By the time he had regained enough control to be aware of his location and to be able to control his body again over half an hour had passed. There was no way he could continue the day like this. But if he didn't Jessica would have his ass. But could he risk another episode while he was dealing with a client? No, definitely not. He was going home. Not even bothering to tell anyone where he was going, Harvey just grabbed his briefcase and got Ray to drive him home. As soon as he stepped into his apartment he got into some sweats and a t-shirt, falling into bed and letting his anxiety wash over him once more.

It was a couple hours later when he recognized the sound of knocking through his panicked haze. Against his better judgment he trudged to the door and opened it, revealing Mike behind it.

"What is it?" Harvey croaked, his throat hoarse from all of the mindless whispered worries and sobbing he had been doing.

"Oh my God, Harvey! Are you ok? I figured something was up when you just disappeared from work, but Jesus!" Mike exclaimed, leaning in to take a closer look at the usually strong man standing defeated and run down before him.

"I can handle it." Harvey said, trying to convince himself as much as his young associate.

"No. I'm coming in, I don't care what you say or think on the matter, you need someone here." Mike argued, pushing his way into the closer's home, not that the man put up much of a fight.

Harvey closed and locked his door before making his way to his couch, curling up into a ball, all of his energy gone, there was no point in putting up a front anymore. He was surprised by the arm that encircled his shoulders, pulling him against a warm solid chest.

"Hey, it's alright. I'm here for you." Mike said softly. That was the last straw, and with that soft utterance Harvey broke down. Openly sobbing against the younger man's chest, Harvey clung to him, and allowed himself to feel everything he had been holding back, finally letting someone else see his suffering. Quite a lot of time went by, all the while Mike was rubbing his back and whispering soft reassurances to him. After he had cried all he had pent up over this whole ordeal, Mike addressed him again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Donna. She's leaving me to work for Louis. And she's most likely not coming back." Harvey finally admitted after some time.

"What!?" Mike gasped, trying to wrap his mind around that.

"It's all my fault. I couldn't give her what she wanted." Harvey said emptily.

"What did she want?" Mike asked calmly.

"She wanted me to be honest about my feelings for her." Harvey said.

"And?" Mike probed.

"The problem is that I don't have the feelings she wants me to be honest about." Harvey admitted brokenly. "I've tried, believe me, I have. But I just can't. I-I'm, I'm gay. I can't." Harvey put his face in his hands at that, trying to suppress another wave of tears.

The sight of Harvey broken like this tore at Mike's heart, and the knowledge of what had created this situation filled him with rage. "That's crazy!" Mike exclaimed, "You can't help who you're attracted to, and she should know better than that!" Taking Harvey's face in his hands, Mike made him look him in the eyes. "This is not your fault. And it's her loss for leaving someone as amazing as you." Harvey looked at him, slightly in shock and slightly in relief that someone was there for him. "You can't control being gay any better than I can. And even if she doesn't come back, I will never leave you again." Mike ranted.

It was at that moment that something shifted in the air between them. They were gazing into each other's eyes, when all of a sudden then both leaned forward at the same time. Their lips connected and even though it wasn't the ideal time for this to be happening, it was exactly what Harvey needed. When they separated they looked at each other, gauging whether or not they had over stepped their boundaries.

"I-" Mike started, only to be cut off.

"Thank you." Harvey said quietly, grabbing hold of Mike's hands. "Thank you for being here when I needed you most." And with that Harvey kissed Mike again, squeezing his hands in thanks, and being reassured by the answering squeeze he received. As they pulled apart once more, Mike reached up a hand to cup the closer's face.

"Hey, I'm always here for you. Life can feel like you're drowning sometimes. Let me be your lifeguard Harvey." Mike said, rubbing his thumb over the man's cheek.

Mike stayed over that night, though they went no further than what they had done already, simply holding each other throughout the night, providing comfort where it was needed. And by the time morning came Harvey was more stable and much more in control, Mike anchoring him. As Harvey got ready for work he thought about last night's occurrences, feeling relief at being able to properly lean on someone. While he had made a point to keep all of his emotions inside before, he could recognize when it was time for him to let someone in, and Mike was that someone.

Harvey had Ray stop outside Mike's apartment building and wait so he could get changed. As the two men approached the Pearson Spector Litt firm Mike took Harvey's hand, hoping to take away some of the stress building in the lawyer. As they got into the elevator Mike felt Harvey squeeze his hand. Turning to look at the older man Mike tried his best to be reassuring.

"Don't worry. I'm here, no matter what." Mike leaned over and gave a quick chaste kiss to the nervous man, stroking his thumb over his hand. As the elevator binged, announcing they had reached their floor, the couple let go of each other's hands, having agreed to keep what was developing between them low key for the time being. As the doors opened they stepped out on their floor, heading towards Harvey's office. "Do you need me for anything right now?" Mike checked.

"Uh. No, I'll be sure to let you know though." And with that Mike started out the door, halted by Harvey's voice. "Oh, and Mike. Thank you. For everything." Mike nodded, flashing one of his adorable puppy smiles.

As soon as Mike left Harvey felt his grip slip slightly, but not enough to be a true concern. The day proceeded normally, the only issue arose when he left to go grab some copies, and he ran into Donna. His former secretary was collecting copies when he got there, and when she turned around a look of hurt and resentment flashed across her face, and Harvey felt his chest tighten. Opening his mouth to say something, no words came out, his respiratory system already malfunctioning. Donna took this to mean something completely different and took the chance to speak her mind.

"Listen Harvey, you can't just refuse to talk to me about how you feel when it matters and then expect for you to be able to come crawling back. It won't work. You blew it and there's nothing you can do to change it." She said, her eyes almost glowing with emotion.

Meanwhile, the edges of Harvey's vision were going black and his train of thought had started to fall apart. This time, however, instead of going to the men's room, his feet took him to Mike's office. Thankfully the associate was in there, and when he looked up to see Harvey, red eyed and hyperventilating in his office door, he jumped up, closing the door behind the lawyer. Taking him by the hand he led the man to his chair and sat him down, trying to relax him however he could. As tears slipped down Harvey's face, Mike could've sworn that he felt his heart breaking. Glancing through the glass wall of his office, satisfied that no one was watching, Mike leaned up from his knelt position to press a kiss to the lawyer's lips, hoping to ground him. It worked slightly, the closer's breathing getting back under control, his eyes becoming more focused.

"Hey." Mike said quietly with a small smile.

"Hey, lifeguard." Harvey greeted back feebly.

"Whatever she said, it's not true. Don't worry." Mike reassured, rubbing soft circles on Harvey's knee.

"It's easier when I'm with you." Harvey admitted quietly, relaxing slightly under Mike's soothing tone and touch.

"I'm glad." Mike said, pulling him into a quick but comforting hug, neither of them seeing Donna's stunned face staring at them through the glass.