Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does.
AN: I started a story a few years ago and posted it on fanfic. It did not get much of a response so I stopped working on it. I love the story and would like to continue it, but I won't continue it if there is no interest. So I am posting this little tidbit from it to see what response it gets. If you like it and would like me to continue the story, please leave me a review or PM me and let me know.
Just to give you a little back story, the Cullens had another confrontation with the Volturi, as foreshadowed in Breaking Dawn. The Cullens won, but Alice and Edward didn't make it. Jasper and Bella are just trying to figure out their place in their existence without their mates.
BPov
"You need to hunt." Jasper said quietly.
"I don't really feel like it." I responded.
"Yeah well, you need to. It's been too long."
I sighed. I knew he was right. It had been awhile, but I just didn't have any desire to. Still, I knew he wouldn't drop it. I might as well go. I knew if I put up too much of a fight, Jasper would go to Carlisle. Yes, I guess it had gotten that bad. It had been about a month. I might have been up to fighting Jasper, but I couldn't do that with Carlisle.
"Alright I'll go."
"I'm coming with you." Jasper said.
"You don't have to Jasper."
"How else will I know for sure that you go?"
"Um, my eyes for one." I said with a slight smile.
"Now where would the fun be in that?" Jasper said smiling back. He was probably relieved to see me smiling.
"Fine let's go." I ran out the door and into the woods. Jasper was right beside me.
We came across a small herd of deer. Not the most appetizing, but it would do. I took down the biggest while Jasper snatched the second. I had mine drained in a few seconds. I went for another. I drained that one quickly too. Jasper was done with his second and his eyes were a nice honey gold. He seemed satisfied, but I needed more.
Seeing that I wasn't done, he leapt into a tree and laid back relaxing. "Go on ahead. I'll just be here waiting."
"Alright I won't be gone long." I promised.
He gave me a parting smile and I leapt farther into the forest.
I sniffed the air searching for any appetizing scent. I smelled small game, but nothing that would satisfy me. I continued going further into the trees. Suddenly an overpowering scent overtook me. It was like nothing I had ever smelled before. I knew it was human, but it was better than any human smell I had come across. Ever. I tried to stop my breathing, cut off my sense of smell, but it was no use. I could still taste it on my tongue.
Slowly and on its own accord, my monster inside awakened. I tried to rein her in, but I just couldn't. It overtook me and my feet were moving towards the source of that indescribable smell. My vampire senses took over in a way that they never had before. I was a vampire and this wonderful intoxicating human was my prey. Whoever they were, they didn't stand a chance. All my rational thought was gone.
I was racing, the trees a blur. And then, I saw him. A lone hiker lost off the trail. It would be a deadly mistake. He never saw me, never had a chance to recognize my presence. I was on him in a moment, my vicious teeth tearing into his neck.
Bliss. Absolute and complete bliss. The taste was heavenly. I couldn't get enough of it. I licked my lips that were coated with the intoxicating beautiful forbidden wine. I began to slow my drinking, wanting to savor the taste for as long as I could. It was perfect, just perfect. All too soon the beautiful wine was gone. I had sucked the man dry. Before my senses could fully return, I sensed him. A growl erupted from my chest, but before I could turn he tackled me to the ground. Snarling and thrashing I struggled to get out of his grip.
"Bella." He said softly, firmly.
At that one word sense came back to me and I looked into Jasper's golden orbs. Golden, honey, colored by the blood of animals. Not red like mine were now, tainted by the blood of a human. Undeniable evidence, proof of my lack of self control. The distinguishing difference between Jasper, the civilized, humane vampire and me, the monster. As that one undeniable fact registered in my thoughts, I buried my face in his shoulder and sobbed as shame engulfed me.
JPov
I was enjoying the peace that rested in the quiet around me. I could sit here all day in the tranquility, but it had been quite awhile since Bella disappeared, my mind registered. Normally I wouldn't be concerned but she had promised to not be gone long and since it had been awhile since she hunted last, it shouldn't have taken her this long to come across some appetizing game.
Deciding to investigate a bit, I hopped down from the tree and began to follow her scent. I became increasingly worried as her trail went farther and farther away from the normal area that we hunted in. My sense of foreboding continued the farther I went.
Suddenly I was hit with it. The scent of fresh human blood. I started to run faster and as the scent increased I became aware of the feeling of bliss and satisfaction enveloping me. That could only mean one thing… Oh God Bella!
I ran faster following my senses both my normal and gifted. That's when I saw her. Her beautiful lips were covered in blood, her hands holding onto the lifeless body of a stray hiker.
I knew it was dangerous, but I had to get to her. I flew at her and pinned her down. She growled at me and struggled in my arms but I held strong. I could see that her hunting instincts were still strong and there was no reason in her eyes.
"Bella." I called to her, praying that it might register in her mind and reason would return.
Slowly I saw her eyes register my presence and just then I was hit with an indescribable shame. Bella's shame was all encompassing and I felt as if I was drowning in the guilt she was projecting. I could feel nothing else. She closed her eyes and buried her face in my shoulder, her body shaking with her sobs. Her whole body was convulsing from their intensity.
"Shh Bella. It's alright." I didn't think it was possible, but her sobs only intensified at my words. I tried projecting calm to her, but it was so hard with the guilt swirling around me, crushing me. I held her tightly rocking her back and forth in my arms.
"Shh Bella. I'm here it's alright. I'm right here." I knew they were empty words, but I couldn't think of any way to comfort her. I had been here before, I knew how she felt.
She continued to sob hysterically in my arms. I knew I didn't, couldn't let go of her, but the body needed to be taken care of. I knew I had to call Emmett, but I knew Bella wouldn't want anyone to know her disgrace. I would have to tell her. I sighed.
"Bella. Darlin' I need to call Emmett."
Her sobs ceased. I heard her stop breathing and felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her along with a new sense of shame.
"Sweetheart, we need to take care of it. If you want, I could take care of it myself." I hated saying those words. I had no intention of letting her go.
At those words she just clung to me tighter. Good. It seemed like she didn't want to let go of me either. "Let me call Emmett, Darlin'. He can take care of it."
She said nothing but didn't stop me when I pulled my phone out of my pocket.
With one arm still wrapped securely around Bella, I used my other hand to quickly call Emmett.
"Yo Bro. What's up?" Emmett answered.
"Emmett. I need you to come take care of things. There's been an accident."
"Of course, Jasper." Emmett's voice was subdued, sensing the seriousness in my tone.
"Are you alright? Bella?"
"Yes. We are fine." I knew Bella was anything but fine, but I knew Emmett was referring to physical, not emotional.
"Just hurry Emmett. You know what needs to be done." I knew Emmett would get the message and I didn't want to spell it out with Bella right here listening to our conversation.
"I'll be right there." Emmett said quickly ending the call.
I shut my phone and put it back in my pocket. I put both arms back around Bella, holding her as her sobs shook her body once again.
True to his word, Emmett was there within minutes. He didn't say anything. His eyes took in me holding Bella's shaking form. He looked directly into my eyes. Seeing that they were completely golden, I saw his eyes widen just a fraction and a burst of shock as realization dawned. He nodded once, picked up the body and ran away. I was grateful that he went away to take care of it. I knew Bella couldn't handle seeing what he would have done.
With the body now gone, I decided it was time to move Bella, get her away from here. Without saying a word I picked her up bridal style and raced home.
She never once lifted her face from my chest. She wouldn't look at anyone or anything.
Carlisle, Rosalie, and Esme met up at the door. (I was never more grateful that Jake and Nessie weren't there at the moment.) I could feel their sorrow and sympathy pouring from them.
"Oh Bella." Esme sobbed softly.
Bella went rigid in my arms. She wouldn't move.
Carlisle seeing that Bella couldn't handle their sympathy said quietly, "Jasper why don't you take Bella to her room."
I nodded my head as I saw him pull Esme into his embrace. As I walked upstairs I heard Carlisle stop Rosalie from following. "Let her be, Rose. She will come to us when she is ready."
I gently lay Bella on her bed, but when I tried to stand without her, she wouldn't let go.
"Please Jasper, don't leave me."
"I was surprised. I figured she would want to be alone. I felt slightly humbled that she would want me there, to see her in her weakest moment. "Of course, Darlin'. I'll stay as long as you want me to." I laid down beside her and once again gathered her in my arms. I would keep my promise to her. I would stay here forever if she wanted me to.
I don't know how long we had been laying there. Bella's sobbing seemed to be endless. I tried projecting calm onto her, but she stopped me. She hadn't said anything since asking me to stay, but she stopped me now with two words. "Please don't."
I couldn't stand to have her feel this crushing despair, but I couldn't ignore her simple request. Her words were so sincere. I knew she needed to feel this for herself so I slowly soaked in all of her grief.
I attempted to show her as much comfort and support from my physical presence since she wouldn't let me help her emotionally.
I gently pulled from her embrace. I could immediately feel her hurt and rejection. I leaned down and placed a soft kiss to her cheek. "I will be right back." I walked into the bathroom that was off of her room and grabbed a washcloth. After getting it wet, I returned to Bella's side. I put my finger under her chin to lift her face to me, but she stubbornly held it down. She hadn't looked at me at all since I had come across her in the woods. I knew she was too ashamed for anyone to see her red eyes.
"Please Bella. I just want to clean your pretty face up." I told her softly.
She slowly lifted her face to me, but kept her eyes shut. I gently wiped the cloth over her mouth, wiping the remaining blood away. "You're going to have to look at me at some point, Beautiful."
She shook her head furiously.
"I'm going to see those beautiful eyes sometime."
"Beautiful?" She screamed, only it sounded like bells. "How can they be beautiful? They are the eyes of a monster!"
I sighed. I was suddenly reminded as to why she had been the perfect mate for Edward. "Bella you are no monster."
"How can you say that? I killed a man Jasper! I just took his life away like it was nothing! What about the family or friends he left behind? I didn't care about any of that! I just drank him dry! So please, enlighten me, Jasper. How does that not make me a monster?"
"Am I a monster, Bella?" I knew that wasn't the response she was expecting. I could feel her shock and confusion.
"Jasper what are you talking about? I was talking about myself."
"Just answer the question." I softly said, placing my hands on her face, holding it there so she would look straight into my eyes.
"No! Of course not!"
"Are you sure Bella? Because I have killed many more, both human and vampire. How does that not make me a monster, Bella?"
"Because!" She exclaimed indignantly. "That was your past Jasper! You regret those choices you made but you learned from them and you moved on to become a better man for it."
"A man, Bella? Not vampire, but man?"
"Yes, man! You are one of the most caring, compassionate, civilized Men I've ever known!"
I gently brushed my thumbs over her soft cheeks. "the same goes for you, you know."
She stopped and stared at me.
"You are one of the kindest, compassionate, loving women I have ever met and I am a better man for having known you and having you in my life. You are no monster, Bella. Yes, you made a mistake but this remorse and grief I am feeling from you just proves to me how compassionate and humane you truly are."
I knew if she could, tears would be leaking from her eyes. I softly brought her face to mine and gently kissed her lips. "You are beautiful, Bella. Both inside and out, I hope you realize that."
