Jyn grew so very tired. Tired of the vile looks, the evil whispers, everything that was going on right behind her back or sometimes straight in her face. Tired of constant battle in her mind, whether to stay or to flee. The cold of Echo Base was gnawing both into flesh and soul, slowly making her even more tired and numb. She shouldn't be alive anyway, she thought during endless days of half-conscious corridor wandering. Was there anything anchoring her, a reason to live here, anywhere? Cassian had his fight, his rebellion, the share of more or less dirty soldier deeds that made him a true Alliance child. She was avoiding him since Scarif, so similar and yet so different, orphaned for so many times, no longer anyone's child, no longer anyone's soldier.

Her thoughts, still centered around ideas on fixing her life were becoming slightly chaotic with every passing hour, finally even without food or sleep. When numbness had reached her limbs, she collapsed in a heap at an icy silent corner, barely noticing lack of feeling in legs. And yet, her mind was still working frantically, trying to find some sense, to find bits of logic in the universe. She failed miserably though. Her mind used to help her in surviving for a long time, and yet now she failed in logic. Not knowing who she was anymore, not knowing how to answer those harsh demands of reality to actually make a decision, she made a final one. Quiet runaways were her specialty, after all.

With jerky movements of ice-cold fingers she rolled up sleeve and pulled out a small blade out of a boot. Slowly she cut her arm from base of palm down to pit of elbow. The line seemed small and due to the temperature blood wasn't flowing fast enough, so with an enormous effort she repeated the procedure again and again. Exhausted in both mind and body, she dropped the knife and watched as pool of crimson started to grow beneath. That's it, she thought. That's the way it should've ended back at the beach. After that everything was just an useless struggle, a waste of energy spent on chasing the non-existent sense of life. But she still could fix something now. At Scarif she had a chance to not be alone, to die in someone's warm arms. But really, she was sure that dying alone out in the cold was more likely a proper way.

And yet, on the verge of darkness, she felt warmth, a strangely familiar sense of warm arms surrounding her. Through the haze she saw brown eyes staring into her green ones, a sad smile to which she in vain tried to respond, and knife movements reflecting her own from just before - but on his arm.

During the very last seconds, far into surprising warmth of darkness, far into imaginary melody that seemed familiar and yet wasn't, she managed to think - that he's not that different after all. That they were both supposed to die together days ago and that's how it's fixed.


DISCLAIMER ADDED ON LATER DATE: CONTRARY TO APPARENTLY POPULAR BELIEF, THIS IS NOT A SUICIDAL NOTE. THANK YOU FOR THE CONCERN *HUGS*, BUT THIS IS JUST ME VENTING OUT. On that night kinda felt disappointed with everything, including dense doctors and their meds that don't fix anything, near & dear ones who don't fix anything, and even fix-it fics to my beloved story, that don't really fix the movie anyway. I decided to fix something I had power over to do so, and so fixed the fics, in most vile way I could think of. Apparently it turned out too disturbing, for which I'm genuinely sorry - still, it's just a work of fiction. I promise I'm not going to do so with anything or anyone else, including me or any other living creatures.

Original A/N: I'm really down. I don't like like the direction my life took. I have no idea how to fix it, or maybe I'm too weak to do so. But I'm strong enough to keep sharp things away from myself, so the only who's got hurt are my beloved SW characters. I'm sorry, kind of, at least for grammar and spelling errors, English is not my native language. The style is probably a little off as well, not writing in last 20 years or so turns writing down coherent thoughts into babbling. Or maybe it's just because it's 5 AM.