nagito's bullshit powers are truly beyond human comprehension

(swearing/cussing, slight sexual implications?)


Hajime had seen strange things here and there. He saw his neighbor doing a satanic ritual once, or that other time when a girl ran up to him and threw eggs on his hair. Hell, even the whole mutual killing game was strange, although more hellish.

And yet, the one thing he had not seen in his life was a man eating a cactus whole.

Actually, rewind a bit. Hajime was bored, and decided to take a walk, maybe get some freetime events done. Having no where else to go, he headed towards the supermarket. Upon reaching it, he decided he wanted some mochi, and went in the direction he believed the food aisle was.

Unbeknownst to him, he took a wrong turn and ended up where a bunch of plants were, including roses and tulips and cacti.

As he was about to leave, he felt a pair of eyes on him. Slowly turning around, he saw the one and only Komaeda Nagito standing with a cactus in hand, ready to deepthroat it.

"It's him," he hissed to himself, backing away slowly. He kept his eyes on Komaeda, ready to throw a potted plant in case he pulled something strange. Komaeda only winked, opened his mouth, and brought the cactus closer. Before it touched his lips, he stopped.

"What a pleasant surprise, Hinata," he said, smiling. If it wasn't for the first trial, Hajime would've been easily tricked. "It's so nice to see you."

"Fuck off," Hajime said.

"That's not very nice, Hinata," Komaeda fucking Nagito replied. "You shouldn't curse at a dear friend."

"We're not friends."

"Oh, I'm so sorry trash like me could even begin to think we were friends. Of course, someone as talented as you could never associate with a lowlife like me. But you don't know your talent, do you?"

"Shut up." Hajime started backing away again. Komaeda offered a lighthearted shrug before moving his hands to bring the cactus closer to his open mouth. Slowly, while looking Hajime in the eye, he put the cactus in inch-by-inch, before finally swallowing it.

"What the fuck," Hajime uttered. Where were the needles poking out of Komaeda's throat? The blood?

"As you can see, my worthless luck kept the needles from hurting me," Komaeda said.

"What kind of fuckery-"

"Luck, obviously." Even with Komaeda's self-deprecating attitude, it still sounded like he was mocking Hajime.

"And how do you not choke - no, don't answer that," Hajime continued after seeing Komaeda open his mouth to say something. "I don't want to know."

"Aw, that's a shame." And there it was, that infuriating smile Komaeda had, like he'd snap at anytime and devour a classmate.

But not in that way, of course. Nope. Komaeda was just kinky for hope, not actual people.

"I'm leaving now," Hajime finally said. "I hope the cactus spears your stomach."

And then, of all times his e-handbook chimes. "Hope shard aquired!" it said. How did someone get a hope shard of all things out of this experience?

Hajime swiftly escaped, leaving behind a waving Komaeda.

This whole mutual killing game couldn't be any stranger.