A/N: You all know that I don't own the LOK. Also just to let you know that this is not like my other fic 'Don't ask' so no kissing vampires. This is something I did for a little bit of fun. But to let you know, this is going to be one daft fic with the LOK charters doing different and very daft things.

The first chapter is well... you'll have to read it to find out. After this you'll start wondering what I've been eating when I thought of this.

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In a village, a little girl around eight years old was in her bedroom; in her bed is having nightmares.

Girl: *Rolling around in bed* No, no, NO! *Wakes up and shouts* LISA!!! LISA!!!

The door opens with two vampires acting like bodyguards (for some reason) from the Turelim clan came in, along with a vampire called Morlock with a piece of raw meat. And at the end was Turel with a toothpick.

Turel: Yeah, yeah what's with all the commotion up here?

Girl: Who are you?

Turel: Lord Turel, clan lord of the Turelims.

Girl: Where's Lisa?

Turel: Lisa? Who's Lisa?

Girl: She's my babysitter!

Morlock: *Whispers to Turel* She must be talking about the woman that was downstairs.

Turel: Oh! *To the girl* Forget about her kid, she's no more. *Whispers to the two vampires that where acting like bodyguards* remember to get rid of the corpse when we go.

*The two vampires acting like bodyguards nodded*

Turel: So what's up pigtails?

Morlock: Yeah what's up?

Turel: *Glares at Morlock*

Girl: I can't sleep! I want someone to read me a bedtime story!

Morlock: She said she wants someone to read a bedtime story!

Turel: Hey I've got ears!

Morlock: *To the girl* He's got ears!

Turel: *Smacks Morlock at the back of his head*

Morlock: *Whining* What's that for?

Turel: For being an idiot!

Morlock: All right.

Turel: So what kind of story do you want me to read?

Girl: I want the happy little pony. *Gives Turel the book*

Turel: Your kidding right? You don't want me to read that to you, that stuff is for little girls!

Girl: *A bit pissed* I am a little girl Turel!

Turel: LORD Turel! Sure you are! *Gets a chair a sits on it the opposite way* what kind of story should I tell you?

Morlock: *Munching on his piece of meat* How about that time you had an accident at the sanctuary of the clans?

Turel: Oh yeah! *Holds to toothpick between his claws* One time when I was at a meeting at the sanctuary of the clans, I got really, really mad at Dumah for acting like he always does when he's not in a good mood. I used some magic (for being a mage and all) I did it to shut him up. But what I forgot was that he had his sword on him at the time. So after the meeting, he came charging at me with his sword.

Girl: *Raise a eyebrow*

Morlock: *Chewing on his meat really hard*

Turel: I mange to doge it, making his sword get stuck in a wall but I wasn't expecting what he did next.

Girl: *Now a blank stare*

Turel: He came running right up to me, and he bit me on my leg and wouldn't stop until his teeth had gone straight threw my leg so you could see them on the other side of my leg. That made a piece of my bone comes out while he was doing that

Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Turel: You're telling me! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww!

Girl: *Felt a bit sick*

Turel: So anyway, the piece of my bone had come out so you could see it hanging out of my skin.

Girl: I don't like this story!

Turel: Hey! You can see what happened next! I'm all right now! Besides it was leaving me a scare where Dumah shunt his teeth into me.

Morlock: Hey why don't show her that scare?

Turel: Hey yeah! This is the scare! *About to show the girl the scare*

Girl: I don't want to see the scare!

Morlock: She doesn't want to see the scare!

Turel: Hey I've got ears!

Morlock: *To the girl* He's got ears!

Turel: *Smacks Morlock at the back of his head*

Morlock: *Whining* What's that for?

Turel: For being an idiot!

Morlock: All right.

Girl: Don't you have any better stories?

Turel: A better story? Well how about this? One time, I came across this man who was hiding from me behind a boulder that was the size of our nurse.

Morlock: We have a very big nurse in our clan. *Stretching his arms out*

Turel: Huge! *Also stretching his arms out*

Girl: *Blank stare*

Turel: So anyway I wasn't very hungry since I had already eaten. So I decided to save him for later by sticking him in a lunchbox.

Girl: *A bit more pissed* You can't stick a man in a lunch box!

Turel: Oh don't worry; I remembered to take the sandwich out.

Morlock: Say, what ever did happened to that sandwich?

Turel: *Smacks Morlock on the back of his head again*

Morlock: *Whining again* What's that for?

Turel: For being an idiot again!

Morlock: All right.

Girl: Can't you just read the happy little pony like I wanted?

Turel: ALL RIGHT! I will tell you another story! But this time this does have a happy little pony in it!

Girl: That's what I want!

Turel: Okay! Once pone a time, there lived a happy little pony. Everyone loved the pony until one day they got really annoyed with him because he was just too happy. So they got rid of him by chucking him off the empire state building!

Girl: That's not the happy little pony!

Turel: Oh and they threw a party and there was a huge rainbow. The end!

Morlock: *Sniff* I loved that story.

Girl: *Even more pissed* That wasn't a story you made that up!

Turel: Hey! I made it better! All right? Who ever wrote the happy little pony had a crummy imagination!

Suddenly there was a sound of horses coming from outside.

Turel: What's going on out there?

Morlock: *Looking out of the window* It's the Sarafan!

Turel: Holy shit! Someone must have heard we were up here and went to get them!

Morlock: Either that or they must of found the corps downstairs.

Random Sarafan: Come out vampires! Or we will fire!

Morlock: *Quick look out the window again* Oh my god there armed with super soakers! *Pauses for a second* where super soakers made in this time?

Turel: *Satanding behind the two vampires that were acting like bodyguards* Don't stand at the window!

Then water was being squirted in threw the window it was missing the bodyguards every time. The girl was hiding underneath her bed covers; water hit no one, until it got Morlock. Being the idiot he was, he pretended to be dying on the bed.

Morlock: I've been hit!

Turel: Morlock! Are you okay!

Morlock: I'm sorry my lord, and my farther. But I can't go on, tell everyone I respected them all like my brothers and sisters. And also tell the nurse to lose some weight! *His face hits the bed*

Turel: Yes I'll tell the nurse. Heck I even think she could do to lose a couple of pounds. *Goes up to one of the vampires acting like a bodyguard* leave Morlock and the girl here, but take the meat; I'll finishes it for Morlock later.

*The vampire acting like a bodyguard gets the piece of meat*

Girl: Where are you going?

Turel: I'm going home, back to my clan. If the Sarafan are gone for the moment to get more water, then I'll take that chance to make a break for it. *Was out the door* don't tell anyone that I was one of the vampires that were here.

Girl: Okay. *Waves* Goodbye Turel!

Turel: LORD Turel! And don't you forget it.

Turel and the vampires that were acting like bodyguards (Plus the piece of meat) were gone out of the door in an instant. Leaving only the girl and Morlock alone in the room.

Girl: *Sighs* What now?

Morlock: *Sits up* Want to read me about the happy little pony?

Girl: All right. *Sits on the bed* There once was a happy little pony-

Morlock: Did he have a piece of raw meat?

Girl: *Smacks Morlock at the back of his head*

Morlock: *Whining* What's that for?

Girl: For being an idiot!

Morlock: All right.

The girl carries on telling Morlock the story while everything went black.

A/N: I know this was stupid and really daft. But I think you can now see why this was called 'Don't ask literally'.