Now that I have some time off from school, I thought I would write a new story. It's been swimming around in my head for a while, this story, and I've been reading Mary Andes Bandelowe, so I might just pull this off without injuring myself. Anyway, enough about my pathetic musings, I'll just begin.
"The only thing truly meaningful in our tiny dot of existence is the chance to teach a child what his purpose is in life. But the interpretation of your explanations is always left up to him."
—Mary Andes Bandelowe.
-PROLOUGE-
"Princess Sakura," a guard said quietly to a woman sitting on a bench outfitted with velvet.
"Princess Sakura," the guard repeated when he received no response from the woman. He continued. "The Queen requests that you come to her bedside."
The woman then heard the guard retreat from her balcony and close the wide French doors to leave her to her privacy, if only for a moment longer. She shifted restlessly in her somewhat itchy dress, then resumed watching a grey, low flying cloud drift lazily across the sky.
"It's a bit cool out tonight," she remarked to no one in particular. "I hope The Queen has all of her down blankets."
A cool breeze ruffled Sakura's petticoats, and she heard a small sigh from somewhere off to her right.
"Shall we go now, Princess?" asked a low, somber voice. Its owner's shadow was cast long on the stones of the balcony near Sakura's feet.
"Captain Sasuke, I would like a few minutes to myself."
"Princess Sakura…"
"Please, Captain."
There was a pause in which the breeze toyed with the loose strands of Sakura's gold-plaited hair, and she could imagine the thoughtful look on her Captain of the Guard's face as he contemplated leaving her by herself.
"Please, Captain, just a few moments and then I'll be right there. I promise."
She heard him give a tiny sigh which he probably thought she didn't hear; then there was the scrape of his sword hilt against the wall as he straightened.
"I'll wait outside your bedroom door to escort you to The Queen's chambers," He said in a soft, lilting tone. If Sakura hadn't been paying close attention, and had her hearing not been extraordinary, she would have lost his words on the gentle wind. Indeed, Captain Sasuke spoke like that, like a faint breath of air. He was just like the cool, indifferent breezes on a cool, autumn evening. Barely there, but you could still feel his calm presence.
"Thank you, Captain." Sakura replied.
She listened as his leather-bound boots tapped to the balcony doors, visualized his pale hands as he opened them, then closed them with a slight click. She turned around halfway to see if the curtains had been drawn over them. They had. Turning back around to face the whole of the kingdom, she stared up at the moon.
"Why must it be this way?" Sakura questioned the sky. She felt a slight pressure in her eyes as they began to build a reservoir of water behind them. "It's not fair… it's just not fair."
Letting out a sigh and trying to contain the beginning threads of grief that were tangling around her heart, she stood, brushed a leaf from her dress front, and went to meet Captain Sasuke, who was doubtless dutifully waiting for her just where he said he would be.
After a five minute walk during which Princess Sakura, Captain Sasuke, and the two other guards watching Princess Sakura that evening, Lieutenant Shikamaru and Lieutenant Shino, made no small talk, the four were standing outside of The Queen's bed chambers.
Sakura was trying to keep her composure while at the same time fighting her wish to walk quickly back to her own chambers. It was quite difficult. After some seconds passed, Captain Sasuke, with a brief glance at Princess Sakura, knocked on the door to The Queen's rooms.
The Queen's personal and most highly regarded guard, General Kakashi, answered. He looked not the least bit surprised to see the four at the late hour, and bid them come in. Princess Sakura required a prodding word or two from Lieutenant Shikamaru before she moved into the room.
"Princess Sakura. The Queen is in her bed and desires to speak to you at once." General Kakashi said in a low, solemn baritone. "She…respectfully asks not to keep her waiting."
Sakura couldn't speak. She nodded once and proceeded to her mother's bedside. She felt the men form a solid wall behind her and follow her in a horizontal line.
It felt as if she had been walking for hours when she finally sat on a pouf that had been placed near The Queen's bedside. She vaguely noticed the Chief of Medicine Kabuto and The Queen's favorite Lady in Waiting, Shizune, standing not far away from her. Shizune's face reflected the flickering of the candles in thick tracks of water that must have flowed down her face at some point. Kabuto, as always, was looking stoically onward. Sakura did not greet either of them.
Instead, she turned her face to the woman who had raised her from the beginning of her life, her mother. She felt her breath catch.
Never, never, had she seen her mother this way.
The skin of her face was speckled with liver spots, her cheeks were sunken in and the flesh around her eyes looked paper-thin and at the same time was drawn tightly against her eye sockets, outlined the sharp ridges of the bones there. Her hair hung like ragged ropes, framing her face and making her once delicate and youthful features appear gaunt and pale. Sakura could only stare.
The Queen, despite being on the very threshold of Death's door, fixed her lucid, honey-brown eyes on her only daughter. And Sakura knew that her mother still had all of her mind, her sanity, in place, even though her body was slowly shutting down.
"My Queen," Sakura whispered, and she felt the salty sting of tears welling up in her eyes. "Whatever happens, I am here for you." Blinking, she let the tears flow. Not too fast, but not too slowly either. In this situation, nobody could criticize her sudden departure from dignity. She could cry for her mother.
"S-s-a-ku-raa," The Queen murmured. And her frail, thin arms, so like frayed, flimsy cords, reached out to Sakura. And Sakura instinctively grasped them and held her mother's tiny, wrinkled hands close to her heart.
"Shh," Sakura soothed her mother as she might calm a child. "Don't try to speak. I…I'm here for you." She tried to contain her burning sobs even as they threatened to tear out of her throat. Her stomach hurt from the feeling of nausea. She might very well not be there when her mother—
"I-I must speak, my ch-child, for if I don't, you might very well never know the tru-truth." The Queen was starting to draw breath rapidly and Sakura feared for a moment that she might lapse into unconsciousness.
"Doctor Kabuto?" Sakura said anxiously from her seat. "Doctor Kabuto?" She was beginning to feel a little dizzy.
But Doctor Kabuto only nodded. "She has a few minutes, at least. Lady Shizune, let's give The Queen and The Princess some… time alone."
Lady Shizune burst into new cries at this. Doctor Kabuto placed his hand on Lady Shizune's shoulder in an attempt at a comforting gesture, but Sakura could see that he was trying to lead Lady Shizune away so that she and her mother could spend The Queen's last moments with each other. He was a very understanding man, Sakura thought.
Once Doctor Kabuto and Lady Shizune had withdrawn to a respectful distance, The Queen began to speak again. Sakura tried to advise her to become quiet to no avail. It was as if The Queen had some last dying request she wished to ask of her daughter, something she would regret if left unsaid before she parted this life. And so, Sakura acquiesced to her mother's demand to lean even closer to her decaying body, if only to mollify her.
"My-my daughter. My," and here The Queen gave a hacking cough at which Sakura, alarmed, glanced about in distress for her guards and Doctor Kabuto, who were some yards away, supervising the two of them.
She then felt a tug on her arm beckoning her even closer to her mother's lips. And then, the shocking words fell from those pale cherry blossoms and Sakura's life would never be the same again.
"You are not my true daughter," The Queen said softly.
"M-my Queen?" Sakura asked, sure that she had misheard The Queen. Or perhaps The Queen's mind was not truly there after all.
"In my youth, The King and I could not conceive a child. Too many years of inbreeding the Royal Family had left me barren, and, I strongly suspect, The King sterile. We were in want of a child, though we knew we could never adopt one. It was against the Royal Family and the Council of Nine legislatures. If we wanted to produce an heir, we would have to secret one into the castle and pretend as if he was our own. After nine months of pulling off a fantastic charade, we found you at an orphanage. We had dressed secretly in middle-class clothing, and went to adopt you. You were only a tiny, pink baby, the only one who was newborn that week. We stole you and we took you to the castle. No one ever knew, and no one is ever going to know unless you tell them. It is up to you, my daughter. Are you truly ready for a future that might not be yours to live? Do you feel as though you now want to live out the rest of your life as A Queen, which you, from the beginning of your life, were not meant to be? Although we chose you as our own and decided not to steal or try to bear any more children, are you ready to accept that you, who share the blood of peasants, are going to make a splendid Queen?"
With many starts and stops and sickly coughing in between, The Queen told Sakura the mystery of her existence. And afterwards, Sakura was stunned. She was so shocked that she couldn't speak. She gaped at her mother with shining emerald eyes, waiting for her to revoke everything she had just said. But The Queen only smiled sadly at her daughter.
"The King has taken these facts to his grave, and I intended to do so too. But I simply cannot. You deserve to know the truth. Though you might not be our child in flesh and blood, we felt as if you were our child in destiny. But now as I lay dying, I am giving you a choice. Continue on a path that was never meant for you but by chance you happened into it… or go forth and live your life as you determine. You have no blood ties to this Throne. You may go freely."
And with a last, shuddering breath, The Queen fell silent and still.
And Sakura had never felt more enchained.
Oh my gods, I killed Tsunade. I'm a bastard. Oh, wait. I never actually wrote The Queen's name, did I? So Tsunade might not actually be The Queen. And now Sakura has a huge life decision to make. And… yadda yadda yadda.
Anway, I'll just be here, waiting to hear what you guys have to think. I've never written in this really really formal type of writing before, so… well, I guess I'm just wondering what a more critical eye things of it.
Reviews are much appreciated and will be returned with huggles and cookies. C'mon, I know you wanna have a huggle. Who doesn't? So warm and fuzzy, they are…
