Normally, Sir Integra didn't mind Alucard's presence. That chilly morning in late January, he hovered near her desk the way he always did, so Integra took advantage of his relaxed state and casually mentioned to him that she had scheduled a dentist appointment for him, for that morning.
This wouldn't have been a problem for a normal person, but for a vampire like Alucard, who lacked any ounce of humility and was obsessed with his precious pearly whites, a dentist appointment was a cataclysmic event. Last time, they tried at-home dentistry, and…well, Alucard wouldn't sit still and Walter's wires drew blood. Alucard didn't mind blood, hell, he loved blood, but something about people messing with his teeth gave him the ultimate case of the heebie jeebies.
"An appointment? What?" Alucard spat, caught off guard by Integra's nonchalant tone.
Integra tuned out Alucard's desperate negotiations to get out of the appointment while she packed her purse.
"Master, it is highly unpleasant for others to handle my precious mouth, one of my many trusty weapons," Alucard flashed her a wide but humorless grin to prove his point. "For you, it would be the equivalent of seeing the gynecologist."
Ah, he had pulled a pathos on her. Wait…
For a moment, Sir Integra had no reaction to his little comment—she couldn't quite believe he had just said that to her. She considered dousing him in garlic powder or shooting him or kicking his shins (oh, he hated that) but the poor vampire was on edge enough as it was. Integra thought it best for the entire household, and the dentist—he didn't need to deal with a riled up vampire— that she bite back her pride and let his comment slip, just this once.
"Go to hell." Integra said flatly.
"Been there, done that." Alucard muttered.
"Should've stayed there, then." Integra tut-tutted. "Perhaps the dentists there are better suited to deal with terrible patients like you." She rose from her high backed chair and headed for the doors. "Your appointment is in half an hour. Come along, Alucard."
"I'm not going." He grumbled.
"You most certainly are going. It is an order."
"What are they going to do to me this time?" he asked in a scathing tone.
"Nothing more than a quick check-up," Integra reassured as she accommodated herself in the front seat of the vehicle. Alucard didn't catch the vague upward twitch of her lip. She lied, of course. If Alucard knew what the dentists—well, the surgeons—would be doing to him today in the commonplace procedure of wisdom teeth removal, he would have quite literally flipped a shit and massacred London.
Alucard, for a—a monster, was remarkably moody. Some days he sulked in the shadows and others he braved the sunlight and accompanied Sir Integra on boring errands such as quick runs to Tesco. He had a dark sense of humor, naturally, but he had his goofy moments on his better days.
"Wait a minute." Alucard went rigid. "If Walter can fix my teeth, then why am I going to the dentist?"
Ah, shit.
"Because, Alucard, you are a threat to Walter's well being every time we attempt homemade teeth cleaning. And because you refuse to sit still for a single moment, we will have professionals see to your needs today." Integra said as she clambered out of the car.
There had no waivers to sign, as Integra had already taken care of that so that Alucard would not become suspicious so soon—considering how often he watched her do paperwork, it was a miracle he didn't catch her signing the medical papers. Ever prepared, Integra had long informed the surgeons that Alucard was a supremely difficult patient and did not do well under general anesthesia—something about it made him much sicker than it should've. Last time they had to use it on him he slept for four days straight, waking only to vomit and take his medications. Integra wasn't heartless enough to put him through that again, so she had carefully specified other drugs to sedate him.
The nurses called him back and the trio went in with him. Alucard histrionically threw his body into the blue chair and pouted, refusing to make conversation with oral surgeons cleverly disguised as dentists despite their big smiles and genuine interest in his hobbies.
Then again, it was better that he said nothing.
Integra felt relieved that all seemed to be going as planned until Alucard abruptly sat up and caught a glimpse of the hammers, scalpels, and picks that would be deep inside his mouth.
"Now, Walter!" Integra shouted.
With those well-honed reflexes, Walter jammed the needle into a big vein on Alucard's arm and shot the sedative into his bloodstream. He writhed around in the chair for a few seconds until the medicine kicked in and he went limp. Even though Alucard was awake, he was a bit foggy-headed and had neither the motivation nor the coordination to move around much.
Integra propped a lengthy novel in her lap and tuned out the drilling and the hammering and all that. And then something brushed her leg. Integra ignored it. But it came again.
Reluctantly, she looked up to see Alucard's gloved hand swatting at her knee, fingers stretched out desperately. Integra rolled her eyes and gently struck his hand away, but it came back, persistent.
She wanted to ask what his problem was, but seeing how he had his jaw propped open by some feat of engineering and countless pieces of machinery in his mouth at the time, he'd not be able to respond without slashing a piece of his tongue off. Alucard watched her out of the corner of his eye and his endeavors to touch her knee continued.
Integra meant to scoff in annoyance, but it came out as a mirthless giggle. She brusquely grabbed around Alucard's long, spindly fingers, but as soon as their hands made contact, he clamped down at once with all of his fingers, drawing a gasp of resent from his master. Integra bit her lip the way she always did in times of annoyance or distress. This was…uncalled for.
Alucard had been shot and stabbed and beheaded countless times. He was much too old to be holding someone's hand during a routine medical procedure.
Even worse, every time Sir Integra tried to wriggle out of Alucard's grasp, he gave her a single squeeze that sent a twinge of warmth all the way up Integra's arm. She wanted to frown, to show her frustration, but each time she tried to scowl a smile ended up sneaking onto her face. And now she bit her lit not out of anger but embarrassment as she hid a cloying smile. To think that medicine could make Alucard so sweet, so docile.
She cleared her throat in the most elegant way possible and inched forward in her seat, letting Alucard's hand rest on her knee instead of dangle in midair. More comfortable for both of them.
After a while, the last tooth was out. Knowing Alucard, he'd like to see his big, bloody wisdom teeth, and Integra requested to keep them.
In the meantime, Walter held ice packs to Alucard's jaw while a nurse stuffed wads of gauze in his mouth. Rendered complacent by the sedatives and other drugs, Alucard simply sat there, staring into space.
"How are you feeling?" Integra asked, finally wriggling out of his grasp.
"Do I…" Alucard lifted his hands and patted his cheeks, completely mystified by what he felt. "Do I have a face?"
"Yes." Integra said firmly. She exchanged glances with Walter. Alucard had been drugged pretty well.
"Good." Alucard said stoutly. He grimaced slightly.
"Look what I have," Integra said, holding out the clear container of his wisdom teeth, in hopes that it would entertain him for a while.
He stared blankly. "What are those things?"
"They're your wisdom teeth." Walter said in a soothing, sweet tone that he only reserved for children and certain post-operative vampires.
"My…teeth?" Alucard mumbled. He tapped his front teeth and frowned slightly. Now, Alucard normally had a pallid complexion, but the color he turned at that moment was not dissimilar to the color of a cadaver. He suddenly looked horrified, and, much to Integra's utter alarm, near tears.
"I can't feel my teeth. Where are my teeth?" He said urgently.
"They're in your mouth, Alucard. Where else would they be?" Integra replied.
"No, they're not." Alucard said fiercely. He bared his teeth and pointed. "I can't eat people anymore. I can't…" Alucard trailed off as his breathing become choppy.
Not a grown ass man/vampire, nope, not today. It was the medication talking, but Integra just couldn't handle emotional wrecks.
"No, no, Alucard," Integra said hastily, firmly holding his shoulder against the chair. He had tried to lean forward in what she surmised was an attempt to assume a fetal position. "Your teeth are just fine." And, whispering so that others wouldn't hear, "You can still eat people. Isn't that a treat?"
By now, Walter, had gracefully bowed out of the situation and watched, smiling reservedly, as Integra tried to reason with the drugged up Alucard.
"I have nothing anymore." He said weakly. "Sir Integra, I am no longer of use to you."
"Everything is all right, Alucard." Integra said in a low, firm tone. She awkwardly massaged his shoulder.
Alucard shook his head in utter despair, refusing to make eye contact with Integra. To illustrate his point, he combed his bangs over his entire face. Integra heaved a sigh and gingerly patted his back. In truth, Alucard had the gall, strength, and cunning to use his vulnerability as a chance to bite into Integra's viscera right then. Integra decided to push that thought aside and wait, with her strained patience, as Alucard came to his senses.
"Never mind." He said under his breath. "I have teeth. They very…pointy." Alucard prodded his fangs as if he hadn't had them for well over five hundred years. Integra tenderly lowered his arm into his lap.
"That's right." Integra said, stepping back. She looked to Walter. "Shall we go?"
Alucard couldn't quite walk straight, so Walter and Integra each had him by the arm on the way out to the car. Almost as soon as Alucard stretched himself across the back seat, he was out cold.
"Well!" Walter said, initiating conversation. "Alucard was rather tame today."
"I suppose." Integra said around a fat cigar.
"He's in another world right now." Walter chuckled, briefly glancing at Alucard. "Poor thing."
"He's going in his coffin as soon as we arrive." Integra said dryly. "I cannot be bothered to deal with a drugged up vampire at this time."
"Oh, no, that won't do." Walter said mildly. "We don't know when the drugs will wear off and it would be frightening to wake in absolute darkness, given his condition. He should sleep in a more familiar place for now."
"Like?" Integra prompted.
"Wherever your scent is particularly strong. He knows you better than any of us." Walter said tacitly.
Integra snorted in dissent. He didn't know her that well. He mainly loitered in her office, to the point where it was almost criminal. But that hardly meant a thing.
"…Perhaps your office or your bedchamber would make a nice temporary place of rest."
"Walter…" Integra groaned.
He had a point, though. Alucard had a habit of lingering in her office, as a shadow or bat or himself. When he was a bat, Alucard screeched intermittently just startle her enough so she would fall out of her chair—it got her every damn time. It was also hilarious—at least to him—to swoop down and watch her slow (human) reaction to a flying bat. As a shadow, Alucard cast the silhouette of phallic objects and various other highly disturbing things on the walls while Integra, deliberately displeased (she didn't want to laugh at such dumb things), rolled her eyes. And when he was vampiric…well, he sometimes sifted through her paperwork. And by now, Alucard knew how to nick a few or her cigars without being detected.
Alucard, whether he realized it or not, would do anything for attention. And Integra was stingy.
"He's seeing stars, Sir Integra. Be nice." Walter chided. "He'll be in considerable pain for the next week or so. Given all he's done, it's a simple gesture that will make him feel comfortable. And it's only until the medications wear off."
Integra's left hand, still warm and tingling from Alucard's clutched, suffered a slight spasm.
To be continued. Reviews are always appreciated.
