I tried not to look at the helpless, barely recognizable women in the bed. It hurt, a vice grip on my chest.

"Take my breath mom; take anything you need from me. Please! Just wake up."

Beep, beep, beep. It was steady and unchanging. How many countless times did I try to help her? A faithful Jace or Simon; sometimes even Isabelle by my side. I willed every rune my mind could conjure up. Most turned out to be nothing; scribbled attempts that questioned my gift. But nothing I created could help her. I took her hand in mine, it made my skin look dark in comparison; something it definitely wasn't. Just evidence of how sick and lifeless she truly was. The guilt and anger pounded hard at my stomach. I wiped my eyes hard with the rough edge of my jacket. Now wasn't a time to show weakness.

"She'll be o.k. Clary. It's not your fault."

The whisper of reassurance mingles along with the other voices in my head. Real or imaginary; his was always the strongest. I knew this time he was really there though. By body always reacted to his presence. He was like my armor, covering me with a complete sense of safe.

"But Jace, look at her. I can't stand being so useless. I can't do anything to help her." He was standing next to my chair, his balled up fists eye level with me. This was hard for him too, not being able to help me, not knowing how to comfort me.

"You need a break, Clary. Come with me."

His strong, lightly scarred hand uncurled in front of my face. I dropped my head and shook it in pitiless duty. I couldn't leave her. It was complete and utter silence. Only the maddening noise of machines echoed in the room. I felt his hand stroke my hair, comforting me like a child. His fingers twisted at the ends, my straggly red hair looked dull against his golden perfection.

"Walk with me," it wasn't a suggestion this time.

It was a gentle demand whispered into my ear. He was right though, I needed to get away from this place. I looked around the familiar room and it made me nauseas. My legs were weak and useless as I stood up. His arm slid around my waist, steadying my clumsy steps out the door. Once out of the room he let his arm slide into a natural fit around my waist. . I have never felt so weak and so strong at the same time. Realizing I had been holding my breath, I tried to release it without being obvious. Looking at him through the thin crimson curtain of my hair, his mouth curved into a half smile, letting me know that he was aware of it.

The freedom of leaving the hospital was overwhelming. I had been spending all my time there; sleeping on the couch at night, a constant vigil during the day. Luke was with me when he wasn't working, but we were poor company. Both drained of hope, there was nothing left to say. To me nothing else existed outside that room. But now here I was; walking in step with Jace at a park across the street. The sun has never felt so warm on my skin. Every detail of the flowers and trees came alive to me. Each time Jace's shirt brushed against my shoulder, felt like surge electricity. I tried to study his face, but he gave away nothing. The urge to place my fingers in his hair, overwhelmed me, the sun made it shine in golden brilliance, like the sun extending all the way to his head.

"Not him," he hissed under his breath.

I looked at him in his sudden change of tone. His eyes were no longer playful light gold, they glowed more predator yellow than I had seen in awhile. Instinctively, the casual grip on my hip tightened. Ahead of us I could see a figure coming. The sun in that direction, so all I could make out was a single outline. As it came closer, I recognized the walk. Not the blunt, heavy walk I had known of him forever, but the new graceful, dominant walk that had recently come to be his. The change had made him so completely different. He was no longer the fun loving, lanky Simon with bed head and Cheeto breath that spent every day at my house. He was now confident, eloquent, and strong. Small gifts to compensate the life curse that caused it all. But he still treated me the same. He knew how to make me laugh and would do anything in the world for me.

"Simon!"

The fingers digging mercilessly into my hip, told me that Jace didn't share my excitement to see him.

"Ow," I whimpered.

"Sorry."

He immediately released me, but stayed at my side.

"I was just coming to see you. I'm glad someone got you out of that depressing room."

It wasn't meant as a thank you, actually the opposite. He had wanted to be the one to whisk me away from my pain, back into the world.

"How is she?"

I nodded my head, "the same."

The answer was becoming sickly familiar.

"I miss you. I hardly see you anymore."

His strong hands wrapped around me and I effortlessly spun me in circles in his arms. His new found strength still amazed me. My feet touched the earth again, but his arms didn't release. His head nestled deep into my hair. His chest was moving in and out against me. To anyone else he was just breathing, but I knew he was inhaling me.

"God Clary, nothing smells as good as you."



He kissed the top of my head. The contrast of his cold lips on my sun warmed head felt odd. Jace stood silently back from where Simon had taken me from. He didn't say anything, but he was forcing in sharp, intentional breaths told me how much he disliked Simon's attention for me.

"Simon stop," I pleaded quietly.

He lifted his face from my hair, but his remained firmly on me. Behind me I could hear Jace finally move. Simon noticed his offensive step forward.

"Back off demon hunter."

Simon had become so bold lately. Such a difference from the passive boy I'd grown up with. The transformation had given him bold confidence and a quick temper. He had told me that every emotion now felt like it was amplified a hundred times.

"Tough words from Raphael's pet."

Simon's body went instantly rigid. I pushed his hand off me, overwhelmed by the sudden reaction. He frightened me now, fully aware of what he was capable of. I stepped backwards until my back pressed into Jace's waiting hands; comforting and safe as always. Feeling so secure with Jace was normal, acceptable. Brothers are supposed to protect their sisters. It was the other feelings he evoked in me that I fought against. The way that his touch on my back made my legs suddenly unable to support me. I was going to fall. Jace's arm quickly wrapped around me, holding me up for the second time today.

"I have you Clary, I always will."

His warm lips vibrated against my ear as he said it.

"Are you insane? You can't have her. You can never have her. She's your sister. What's the matter with you?"

"What do you want with Clary anymore? I thought the wolf was your new play toy?

I had never mentioned to Jace that Simon and Maia were just friends now. I never thought he'd care.

"Jealous?"

Jace snorted a laugh at Simon, obviously taking his response at a lack for explanation.

Simon's voice came as a loud mocking laugh, "Leave her alone and let her live her life Wayland."

Simon's mouth curled up cruelly, even the wind stopped dead in anticipation, "or should I call you Morgenstern?"

His teeth were now beginning to slid out; gleaming and sharp. I shivered at the sight of them.

The stele flashed in Jace's hand. His lips mumbled a word too soft to hear. He was calling it. He was going to use it against Simon. My body hurled in front of him.



"Jace, no! Don't!"

"Move Clary."

When I didn't, he stepped around me. I was no match for quick reflexes. He closed in on Simon with long strides. Simon just stood there laughing. This was nothing more than a childish game to him. The world was spinning around me in slow motion. Blurry jumbles of browns and greens and grays. I screamed. It was all I could do, the only way to get their attention. Both stopped and looked at me. Two sets of hate filled eyes, melting to concern in my direction.

"Clary?"

Jace ran for me, but Simon reached me first.

"Please. You two are destroying me, can't you see it?"

I was pleading through sobs now, hot tears falling into my mouth with each desperate word.

"I need you both in my life, I love you both."

It was true... I had finally said it and now the tears came harder. No longer able to speak, Simon pulled me up. His touch like a feather, it must be taking all his control to be so gentle with me. He held me close, my arms and head fell limp like a ragdoll against his solid chest.

"I'm sorry Clary. Please don't cry."

He sounded like Simon now. His unnatural teeth were gone. I smiled up at his caring words. My shirt rippled as two much warmer hands rested on my shoulders.

"Me too Clary. I'm sorry. I would never do anything to hurt you."

Jace's head burrowed into my neck. He kissed my shoulder so softly I could have just imagined it, but the goose bumps on my arms protested it was real. Jace grabbed my shoulders firmly and spun me to face him. I sucked in the last remaining sob and tried to compose myself. My face was cradled between his hands as he sought my eyes with his own intense gaze.

"Clary we will both always be in your life. We will always love you. But you can't have both of us. You need to choose."

"Choose?"

I searched Jace's face for compassion, for a change of mind…heart. Instead, I saw in his dark eyes what I dreamt about at night. He was exciting and intense. Honest. Powerful, dangerous and beautiful. On touch from him sent unstoppable tremors throughout every nerve of my body. When I was afraid all I wanted was Jace's protective arms around me. But in him I also saw something forbidden and shameful. He was unsure of whom he was, he didn't trust himself and sometimes I didn't trust him either. The 

world didn't want us to be together. I felt the tears ting the back of my eyes again. I couldn't say goodbye to Jace.

I turned to Simon. He looked like my best friend again. Becoming a vampire had made him handsome, but I thought he was handsome before. He was still the keeper of all my secrets. He was the person that knew if he asked me what if something was wrong and I said no, I meant yes. He was brave and funny. Adventurous and charming. But in truth, he wasn't the same Simon. He was easy to anger and bold taking whatever he wanted. I recoiled at the way his eyes would ignite every time I would get a small cut or the way he would growl deep and chilling if things didn't go his way. His eyes bore into me, Simon's big brown eyes. I couldn't say good bye to Simon.