Author's Note: E-Flat Ye Legal Stuff: Ron Stoppable, RUfus, Kim Possible, Shego, Bonnie Rockwaller, Mr. Barkin, Will Du, Shego, Tara, Dr. Drakken, Team Impossible, Wade Load, Brick Flagg, Hego, Mego, The Wego, the MdDog Cheeleaders (Hope, Jessica, Liz and Marcella,) Henchco's Henchmen and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc.

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A Kimiversary Special

By SHADO Commander

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On a darkened stage, a spotlight suddenly picks out the form of WADE LOAD, who is looking exceptionally dapper in a tuxedo.

WADE:

Uh… hi folks! This was originally going to be presented as part of the Slash Writer's Guide to Better KiGo, but Shego's kind of going nuts over there at the moment and after a bit of debate, we decided that we'd do this separately so those who're offended by some of the more gratuitous acts presented in that fic won't have to endure all that naughty stuff that they won't let me watch. Anyway, as some of you may already know, June 7th, 2011 will mark the 9th anniversary of the first broadcast of KIM POSSIBLE!

(Wade waits for the tumultuous applause to die down.)

WADE:

Thank you! We're very pleased and excited too! And that got us to thinking that, while I'm sure many of you have heard various stories about how the show was conceived of in an elevator… not unlike Mr. Barkin, oddly enough… and how Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley co-developed the show and gave us the Kim Possible that we all know and love, what you may NOT be aware of is the role fandom played in bringing the show and this beloved cast of characters to where we are now… So, in celebration of fandom, slash and fanfics, our resident songsmith Ron Stoppable and our very own KP Chorus have prepared a little presentation…

The lights come up as Ron enters wearing a Daniel Boone-style coonskin cap, a buckskin jacket and… polka dotted boxer shorts, along with Rufus, who is wearing a rat-skin cap.

WADE:

Um… Ron? Pants?

RON:

Oh no, it's cool. We just ran a little short on fundage at the costume shop, so rather than some people not getting costumes, we decided to just dress everyone halfway.

RUFUS:

Halfway! Yaay!

WADE:

Uh… okay. So the entire chorus…?

RON:

Yeah, so come on out guys!

Ron waves and Mr. Barkin, Brick, Josh, Big Mike, Hego, Mego, the Wegos, Will Du, Team Impossible, a half dozen Henchco Henchmen, six Ninjas and, for eye candy, Tara, Monique, Jessica, Hope, Liz and Marcella, all of whom are also wearing raccoon caps, buckskin jackets and no pant, file in behind him, form three neat lines, shorter cast members in front of their taller comrades.

MR. BARKIN:

Chorus present and reporting for duty?

Barkin, Brick, Josh, Big Mike, Hego, Mego, the Wegos, Will Du, Team Impossible, Henchmen, Ninjas, Tara, Monique, Jessica, Hope, Liz and Marcella:

Sir! Yes sir!

RON:

Awesome! And now… presto-digito-viagra-cialis!

With those magic words, Ron summons the Lotus Blade, smiling as the magic weapon turns from a sword into a banjo!

RON:

Damn, the kid is getting good! Now, this here little number is to the tune of the Battle of New Orleans, a nifty little chart-topper originally performed by the totally bon-diggity Johnny Horton – you can youtube the original version if you don't know the tune… in fact there might even be a Lego version of the song, hint hint… so you got that in mind? Well then, ignore it cause we go a wee bit different in what we call… THE BATTLE OF 2002.

Ron picks at the Lotus Banjo with a few tinny plucks and decides the tune is good, then launches into song:

RON:

Well, in two thousand two we started up a show,

about Kim, Wade, Me and Rufus plus Drakken and Shego.

We knew it would be risky, that we'd be taking a big chance,

With a toon about a teenage girl and a guy who lost his pants.

Chorus:

But we ran one ep and the fans they started watchin'.

It blew Disney Channel's mind, the programmers they were vexed,

We ran more eps and nobody was bee-yotching,

'Cause the fans had all been snapping to the underlying under-text.

RON:

They said boys won't watch girls who aren't built like Lara Croft,

But when those girls started fighting, well, no one could turn them off,

'Cause we all knew what Kim and Shego REALLY wanted to do…

Disney just looked at the Nielsens and told us "Make Season 2!"

Chorus:

Oh they fought and they bit and they rubbed their bods together,

They scratched and pounced and wiggled as they rolled across the floor,

Kim wore Bierkenstocks while Shego wore black leather,

Let's face it, this wasn't just a kid's show anymore…

RON:

That Shego girl, she had quite a mouth on her,

And in between the cat-fighting you could hear our Kimmie purr,

Plus in between the grappling, there was lots of innuendo,

But the ratings just kept going up and Disney Channel let it go…

Chorus:

Oh they fought and they bit and they rubbed their bods together,

They clawed and hissed and wrestled as they rolled across the floor,

You couldn't pry them apart with a crowbar or a lever,

Let's face it, this wasn't just a kid's show anymore…

RON:

The fans all said that there was something there you know,

And then the hard-core shippers started calling it KiGo.

Well that opened the floodgates and the fanfics came pouring out,

With all the strange and oddball ships the fans could dream about.

Chorus:

Oh they fought and they bit and they rubbed their bods together,

They slid and slinked and slithered as they rolled across the floor,

They'd do it anywhere, anytime and whenever,

Let's face it, this wasn't just a kid's show anymore…

RON:

For Kim and Ron together, the fans labeled that KiRon.

And they liked to called it KiBo when Kim gave it to Bon-Bon,

It was Rokken when the Doc and me put on a private show,

And I burned my nuts quite painfully when I tried to do RonGo…

Chorus:

Oh they fought and they bit and they rubbed their bods together,

They bumped and humped and jiggled as they rolled across the floor,

The character pairings changed faster than the weather,

Let's face it, this just wasn't just a kid's show anymore…

RON:
Well, at this point the shipping had got out of control,

and all the sex outside canon was taking a major toll,

You might not think that sounds like such a heavy load,

But when we came to school each morn our legs were always bowed

Chorus:

Oh they fought and they bit and they rubbed their bods together,

They banged and ganged and gollied as they rolled across the floor,

It got so they'd do it at the drop of a feather,

Let's face it, this just wasn't just a kid's show anymore…

RON:

There was a lot of yaoii of course, (that's guys doing guys,)

But what some fans came up left us gaping in surprise,

Like Monkey Fist fisting monkeys and then it went to hell,

When that giant poodle did Drakken doggy style, it really made him yell.

Chorus:

Oh they fought and they bit and they rubbed their bods together,

They gasped and moaned and grunted as they rolled across the floor,

The doggie wore a collar and Drakken wore a look of terror,

Let's face it, this just wasn't just a kid's show anymore…

RON:

Well someone at Disney must have woken up and saw,

What the writers had been up to so they laid down a little law,

They said to make more explicit our heterosexuality,

Then they screwed us all all over by giving us an STD!

Chorus:

Oh they fought and they bit and they rubbed their bods together,

They conked and bonked and horn honked as they rolled across the floor,

But something seemed wrong once Shego hit the tower,

It seemed like this wasn't quite the same kid's show anymore…

RON:

And that's how we all rolled into Season Four,

With a Disney mandated mandate not to innuendo anymore,

But the last straw came when they banned Kim's belly button,

That's when we all concluded it wasn't OUR mouths needing shuttin'.

Chorus:

Oh they fought and they bit and they rubbed their bods together,

They tugged and hugged and zug-zuged as they rolled across the floor,

We knew we were right and that Disney had made an error,

Let's face it, this wasn't just a kid's show anymore…

RON:

We all knew the Kim/Ron-mance would turn out to be a great big snore,

But it didn't matter 'cause we turned everything else up a little more!

Our characterizations went crazy and some scripts were just wrong-sick,

But we weren't about to be out done by some fans and their fic!

Chorus:

Oh they fought and they bit and they rubbed their bods together,

They damn near bumped some uglies as they rolled across the floor,

And meanwhile the writers worked themselves into a lather,

'Cause face it, this wasn't just a kid's show anymore…

RON:

Contractually poor Kim was stuck ending the series with a guy,

But we found another loophole: Disney didn't say she wasn't bi!

We pushed so many buttons that we were skirting with cancellation,

Then the creators skipped to Nickelodeon and we crash and burned in Graduation!

Chorus:

Oh they fought and they bit and they rubbed their bods together,

They whammed, bammed and thank you ma'amed as they rolled across the floor,

And in the end we made one of the greatest cartoons ever,

'Cause face it, this wasn't just a kid's show anymore…

RON:

Yet while the show is over, the saga's hardly gone,

And there are lots more tales out there to tell of Kim and Wade and Ron,

But don't look to Disney for it, for them the show is done,

So our fate now rests almost completely on those who write fan fiction!

Chorus:

Someone wrote one fic and the fans they started reading,

It wasn't on the Disney Channel, so the plotlines could run free,

And over the internet, the stories kept a flying,

All thanks to fan fic writers who write them for you and me!

RON:

So reward those stalwart writers who try so hard to amuse,

And remember to say nice things when you ALWAYS write reviews!

And if reading fan fics should get your own ideas a piping…

Unlimber those fingers fanfolks, and get your digits typing!

Chorus:

'Cause we'll fight and bite and rub our bods together,

We'll scratch and pounce and wiggle as we roll across the floor,

Because KP won't end, no we won't let it ever,

'Cause face it, this isn't just a kid's show anymore!

WADE:

Thank you and happy ninth anniversary to EVERYONE who's made Kim Possible fandom the greatest fanfiction fandom ever! And yes, of course that includes YOU! We'll see you back at the Slash Writer's Guide as soon as Shego's got her sh… show together!

RON:

Yeeeeeeeehaaaaaw!

FADE OUT