A/N: Alright! Welcome to The Education of Asgardians. I hope to have lots of fun stories about Thor and Loki learning how to use human stuff. It's just a bunch of one shots so don't expect any plotline. I hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Avengers or Marvel.
The Avengers were all assembled except for Thor. The present members were having a hushed discussion that was meant to be a secret. They wanted to confirm their idea and build some sort of structure for it before they presented it to their Asgardian friend and his brother.
"I can't do it!" Tony whispered harshly, "I wouldn't know how to get through to him!"
"The great Tony Stark not knowing how to do something? I hope someone got that on tape." Natasha said sarcastically.
"It's fine, I can do it." Bruce suggested casually.
"No!" The others all said at once.
"We, ah, we wouldn't want you getting frustrated." Clint explained to the doctor.
Bruce rolled his eyes. "I won't get that frustrated by it, really it's simple and I have the Other Guy under control."
"Sorry Banner, not risking it," Tony snapped, "And I'm not going to do it either."
"Someone has to!" Steve declared, "We can't let things go on as it is. Remember what happened yesterday?" Everyone shuddered at the memory.
"Okay, what if we draw straws?" Clint spoke up, "Then it's fair."
"My friends!" A familiar thunder-y voice boomed, "What are we discussing?"
"Thor!" All of the other Avengers yelped, jumping up in surprise. Tony tried to act calm and collected as he asked, "How long were you standing there, Point Break?"
"But a moment, why? Is there something you are discussing that you would wish to remain private?" Thor narrowed his eyes at them and summoned Mjolnir from where he left it, carefully inspecting the runes, "I thought we decided not to keep secrets from one another."
"No Thor," Steve sighed, "It's not really a secret…" The captain hesitated, unsure of how to tell his friend what they were talking about without offending either him or Loki. It was a tricky situation to get a grasp on. One did not want to tick off an Asgardian.
"Then what?"
Natasha stepped in. "Thor, we can't let you and Loki take the subway anymore. It's freaking people out."
Thor scowled. "Then, if you do not wish me to fly and you do not wish me to take the subway - as both of these things 'freak people out' - how do you expect me to go about the city?"
Loki entered the room, snacking on a bag of pretzels. He stopped his munching when he saw the Avengers all gathered and looking serious. The mischief maker held up his hands innocently. "Whatever you are discussing, I didn't do it and I have proof!" Pretzel crumbs sprayed from his mouth in a way that did not become the usually refined Asgardian.
"Shut up, Reindeer Games," Tony quipped, "We were just talking about how you and your big blonde brother cannot take the subway anymore. Not since yesterday when you two destroyed a whole train car."
Loki swallowed his snack. "Oh that," He considered it for a moment, "It was mostly Thor's fault anyway. When young Midgardian ladies see him they go a bit insane. The oaf was only trying to defend himself. As for me…"
"You were making things worse by making it look like snakes were seeping into the car!" Steve said, pointing his finger angrily at Loki, "I don't know why you feel like you need to do things like that with your magic when you could…"
"What? Be a hero like yourself? Are you trying to tell me that with great power comes…"
"Just let us finish!" Natasha demanded, "You two cannot take the subway anymore and that is final. If either of you is caught on the subway or flying," She looked pointedly at Thor, "I will personally call Fury and get both of you thrown out of the tower on your big Asgardian behinds!"
Thor bowed his head respectfully and had every intention of following these orders. Well, he might fly every once in a while, but he silently vowed he would no longer take the subway. Except on special occasions.
Loki snorted and sprawled on the couch in the room. He continued to eat his pretzels. "Yes, Mother. I have every intention of doing exactly as you say."
"Might I ask, my friends, how you intend for us to get around?" Thor inquired, "You've already informed us that the bus is forbidden as well as taxis. That leaves us with little other option than to learn how to drive ourselves."
"No!" Everyone, including Loki, shouted at the blonde man. No one wanted an Asgardian car crash or road rage. The thought was too scary to comprehend.
"There is another option," Bruce announced, "Biking."
The brothers glanced at each other and then looked back to the other Avengers in confusion. Thor furrowed his brow. What was this "biking"? It sounded dangerous.
"What is that?"
"For once I am as clueless as Thor. What are you talking about?" Loki asked from his position on the couch.
"You guys seriously have no idea what biking is?" Tony asked incredulously.
"None whatsoever, Man of Iron." Thor announced.
Because of this declaration of ignorance the other Avengers immediately decided on a way to teach the Asgardians how to ride bikes. However, it turned out that none of the Avengers had bikes with them. Tony, being as rich as he was, ordered JARVIS to find two bikes - one for each of the students. The artificial intelligence purchased to bikes and announced to the team and Loki that the vehicles were ready for pick up at a shop down the street.
Clint went to pick up the bikes and Natasha ran around the tower trying to find sufficient padding for first time bikers. Loki and Thor watched as she grabbed arm and knee pads from the gym, wondering what they had gotten themselves into. Surely something that required wearing armor just to get from place to place was not worth their time.
"Alright boys, put these on your elbows and knees in case you fall or crash." She instructed.
"Is it likely that we will do one of these things?" Thor asked, slipping the padding over his armor.
"Eh…" Tony shrugged, "I'm guessing that you will, big guy, but Loki might get it without a major injury."
"I do not understand the function of such soft armor." Loki grunted.
"Would you rather fall in the clothes you have on now?" Natasha asked.
"I suppose not, but…"
"Hush. Now, we'll need to find you helmets too. That's the most important part."
Loki made his helmet magically appear on his head - antlers and all. He smiled smugly and looked to Thor. After a wiggle of Loki's fingers, the god of thunder was wearing a pink helmet that somewhat resembled a unicorn.
"Brother!" Thor exclaimed, "This is not the helm I wish to wear! I have my own."
"Yes, but this one is so much more becoming on you." Loki snickered.
"Stop acting like toddlers!" Steve snapped, handing Thor his metal winged helmet, "Clint should be back any minute with the bikes."
"I'll stop acting like an infant when he does!" Thor announced, shoving his brother slightly.
"Hey! Don't push me!"
"What are you to do about it? Am I not bigger than you?"
"Ah, but I am far superior in the brains department."
"Are you insulting my mental capabilities, Loki?"
"You would have to ask to know if you were being insulted, wouldn't you?"
"He is calling me stupid!" Thor whined.
"Well he shoved me!" Loki complained.
"You deserved it!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Silence!" Natasha shouted over the feuding brothers, "Or I'm calling this whole thing off and you two will have to walk everywhere in the city."
The Asgardians were silent, but they both continued to elbow each other in the gut - letting out the occasional grunt.
After both of the students had their proper protective gear on they all went downstairs and found Clint with the bikes. One of the bikes was bright red and the other was pink. Before anyone said a word Thor gripped the red one's handlebar tightly.
"This one is mine!"
Loki rolled his eyes. "No matter, I did not approve of the design of either contraption." He wiggled his fingers once more and the pink bike changed to a sleek green with golden colored tires. The handlebar changed dramatically and now resembled Loki's helmet. Thor grunted, slightly impressed.
"Now we can finally get started!" Tony sighed, "To the park!"
All of the Avengers and Loki rolled the bikes away from the tower and toward Central Park. It was time to begin their bike riding lessons.
The first Avenger to attempt and teach Asgardians to ride a bike was Steve. Everyone figured he could keep calm about the situation and be helpful at the same time.
"Okay," Steve swung his hands back and forth, "Have you ever seen anyone ride a bike before?"
"Perhaps…" Thor said.
"Probably, I just do not recall how the action is performed." Loki sniffed arogantly.
"Well, first you need to sit on the bike like this," Steve took Thor's bike and sat in the correct riding position, "Then you need to put your feet on the pedals and push off. The tricky part is finding your balance and steering, but once you've got that down then… well that's about it." After a brief demonstration the captain got off the bike and Thor sat down on it. The Asgardian lifted one foot onto the pedal and then the other. He pushed off and went forward a few feet.
"Good job, Thor!" The other Avengers cheered, right before the bike drastically swerved to the left and deposited Thor on the pavement.
"I now understand why we need the soft armor." Thor groaned, getting up.
"Uh, here…" Steve helped his friend up and picked up the bike, "I'll hold onto the bike until you get going this time, okay?"
Thor nodded, determined to try again, and got onto the bike. Steve held the back of the bike seat and helped push Thor along. The thunderer made it a full ten feet before Steve let go and Thor went into a bush. Loki laughed as if it was the most hilarious thing in the world and then climbed onto his own bike.
"Good show, Thor, but I believe the captain meant for you to something a bit more like this." He sat on the bike and began pedaling. His robe instantly got caught in the gears, ripped, and caused the bike to halt, sending the trickster to the ground in an undignified heap, "Perhaps, not quite like that…"
After ten more attempts by both brothers with no success Tony got tired. He stepped forward and pushed Captain America out of the way.
"Enough of that. Let me show them how it's done so we can go get shawarma," He made Thor get onto his bike, "Your problem is, you aren't doing it right."
"Oh, how does he do it?" Loki asked sarcastically.
"Now, to do it right you need to focus on a spot in the horizon and then pedal toward that. When you want to turn move the handlebar. Easy." He stepped back and gave Thor a shove.
"Haha! I am doing it!" Thor announced as he pedaled, "I simply focus on that tree and I can balance! Oh, oh dear… how does one stop biking?!" Before aid could come he pedaled straight into the tree.
Several minutes later Tony gave up and passed the teaching baton to Clint. The archer demonstrated and gave advice, and showed them how to use the brakes, but nothing worked. When Loki pedaled straight into the pond Hawkeye gave up.
"Lady Natasha, would you please teach us?" Thor asked, "I know that you are a fine teacher."
Loki nodded. "None of these buffoons have enough brains to teach a dog to sit."
Natasha rolled her eyes and pointed at the bikes. "You just sit and pedal, you'll do fine."
"The problem is that sitting, pedaling, balancing, and steering are difficult to do all at once." Thor explained, "One action alone I could accomplish with ease."
"Well, you've got a problem then," Natasha declared, turning around and heading back to the tower, "Have fun landing on your behind."
With no other option left, most of the Avengers went home. Thor and Loki stayed behind and continued to try and learn to ride a bicycle. They encourage one another… sort of.
"No you idiot! Don't steer like that!" Loki called.
"You are certainly one to talk, brother, after you steered into that child!"
"No matter how many times you bring it up I will not apologize. Now, keep your head up!"
"I've discovered that keeping your elbows up helps with balance!" Thor announced.
"Really? Let me try," Loki tried, "It's true! I stayed up for an extra second."
"Perhaps if we stuck out our knees as we pedal it will provide additional balance." The blonde suggested. They both stuck out their knees, looking rather like frogs, and crashed into one another.
"Ow!"
"Thor, I don't believe we shall ever learn to do this. We should just give up now and find some other mode of transport."
Thor looked at Loki incredulously. "Nay! An Asgardian never gives up!"
"Well I am Jotun and I simply think this is too hard!"
They argued to five more minutes about what to do and then Bruce Banner came strolling down the path, whistling a tune.
"Oh, hey, still no luck, huh?"
"Friend Bruce," Thor greeted, "We are having no luck in this enterprise, nay."
"Can I try to teach you? You know, if you aren't giving up."
Loki looked at Thor and Thor looked at Loki. They rose from the ground and picked up their bikes. Both had many bruises, so this was a difficult process.
"Well, you couldn't exactly make it worse." Loki sighed.
Later that night, Tony was in the lobby of Avenger's Tower, chatting with the doorman about some security protocols when he heard a whoop from outside. He glanced out the glass door and saw a flash of red and then a flash of green. Both colors whizzed by again and then Bruce walked casually into the lobby.
"Hey," He nodded.
Tony stared out the door. "Was that?"
"Thor and Loki? Yeah, they just needed the right teacher I guess." Bruce shrugged.
"How? But, I , we, they couldn't…" Tony stuttered.
"Good night," Bruce smiled and went over to the elevator, "Tell them to come in when it gets too dark."
After the doctor went back to the penthouse Thor and Loki pulled up to where Tony Stark was watching them in awe. Loki looked smug and Thor looked proud.
"Why hello!" Loki crowed, "You wouldn't happen to know of anyone in need of a biking lesson, would you? For we have just mastered the art."
"Alright, how did you really do it? Steroids? Robotically engineered bikes? Are you actually not Thor and Loki?"
"I assure you, Man of Iron, it is us and we learned through Dr. Banner's encouragement." Thor smiled.
"Wow."
"Also, he told us that if we could learn to ride our bicycles then he would buy me a box of poptarts and get Loki a book listing human pranks."
"Ah! Motivation. I didn't think of that. Well done Point Break. You too Reindeer Games." Tony congratulated them, walking with them to the elevator. The Asgardians accepted the praise and eagerly awaited their prizes from Bruce Banner. It had been quite a day and they were both looking forward to a little relaxation. They had learned to bike.
A/N: Well, I hope you had fun with that. I know it wasn't my best writing, but I had fun. I'm not sure what the next one shot should be, but if you have suggestions I'm open to them! :) Please leave a review telling me what you thought! Later gators!
