The Disclaimers… yay…

Hello again, my predator-crazed minions.

Thank you again for the lovely responses from my viewers, but I must say-or remark upon an amusing observation with some of these comments, because there are a few reoccurring responses, some of these people sound like my editor with comments like "I wanted your work since yesterday…", or "Finally you write [insert harmless profanities]"… I find these hysterical because when I read them, I actually apologize to the computer and make promises to write soon. I'm really glad that there are a few people really eager to read my work. It also makes me feel bad that my first chapter kind-a sucks because of the bad spelling or sloppy writing-so I'll fix that to make it sound interesting. Also I will add in a few more parts to the story to keep it interesting for those who would like to reread it. Maybe I would add an interesting twist or another key element that might be useful later down the road-DAMN these clichés.

So, yeah I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I think that people deserve to have a good story of a sarcastic human and her strange alien companion. Anywho, my little snib-bit of a story, for those who just got here, is in the point of view of the human, because unlike my fellow kick-ass writers before me, I am too lazy to look up the specific terminology of this fictional space individual. How's that for a science fiction letdown?

So instead of writing what the majority of these writers know and studied, I am writing my character emotions and actions that I would portray if I was encountered by an alien of high smexy magnitude. So with that said, it's easy to conclude that I do not own any of the Predator/Alien objects or rights-if I did, I would see a lot of riots-and such and such… Also there is a lot of foul language and possible rated M(inion) bits later on, so… hon hon hon hon, enjoy the ride.

PREDATOR: Alone with THAT Guy (part one): The Uninvited and Incredibly Unannounced Freak of Nature

(translation: What the Fuck is that Thing?! Holy Fucking Shit!)

RE-EDITED VERSION DAMN IT!

To say I live an incredibly boring life would be an understatement. Up until a few hours ago, I would have believed that a higher power has destined my life to be as dull and as boring as paint drying. Yeah I know, a cliché saying, but you get the meaning.

Every morning I wake up, stumble towards the bathroom, wonder why the fuck I'm in the bathroom, stumble in the kitchen, grab some cereal from the box, grab the carton of milk from the fridge and contently sit for hours eating and drinking my food from their containers while watching from cartoons to Dexter and House marathons until I get bored and do something productive.

I don't do this pointless routine all the time, mind you. It's just this entire month of the "same-o, same-o"… God damn these clichés…

My uncle, who is the neediest nerd in the entire planet, needed a certain family member (me) to take care of his cabin in the middle of the woods while he is away on a scientific orientation in Alaska.

At the time, I was having some financial trouble with my shit-box of an apartment and needed some time to get away from my shit-face of a boyfriend. Not saying that I am a crapy person or one of the worst human being on the planet, it's just I attract a lot of shitty things in my life. Along with my life being boring and useless, I have a special skill of being super unlucky. Or clumsy… or ignorant… or extremely bitchy… man, I suck. Either ways, having the opportunity to have three months of break from life and just to do nothing but sleep, eat, and sleep seemed appealing to me at the time.

Now, after spending one full month by myself… holy shit I am dying of fucking boredom. I even finished a case of 1000 piece puzzle set for fuck's sake. THAT, my friends, is pathetic right there.

Yeah I brought some books, video games, and other sorts of entertainment, but being secluded in one same area for three fucking months?! I am going to go insane long before my time is up. Worst still, there is no reception in this place at ALL; meaning no T.V., no internet, or God-forbid, no phone assess. Just lame-o radio service with a ranger named Davie-something-or-other always checking up on "little Sammy" at seven pm. I feel like he is a babysitter half of the time. Or some creepy peto-old guy…whatever.

Along with the lack of service here, my uncle bought this cabin that was specifically placed far away from civilization. There isn't a town in miles; the only closest town that is near is 25 miles east called Willson Town, which consists of twenty people and one beer shop/gas station next to a church. On hind sight, I probably should I rethought my uncle's offer. It's bad enough being alone, but being far from any contact from fellow humans or modern technology seems like a typical cliché character trait of a creepy guy in an old fashion scary movie. At this point I'm waiting for Jason to pop out of nowhere and kill me in my sleep.

Sucks being both innocently stupid and desperate.

Anyways, for some reason, Uncle Nerdy did not wanna be near people or modern areas that serve technology, claiming that he had evidence of a mysterious animal-thing that hunts only skins and skulls-and steals little girl's cookies at night and rapes Santa Clause… That's why he is in Alaska, convinced he caught one of these little suckers on an info-red camera, whatever that means. Before I got here, he kept going on and on about his "discoveries", saying that there were these global reports/sightings of these creatures in woods or dense jungles. He even said there was a report in New York once and it involved some cop guy who, and I quote "fought to the death with the creature by scaling walls of thirty-foot buildings and nearly died from a tunnel collapse after an explosion". Yeah… really believable, Uncle Nile.

I was trying to be nice, I mean the guy practically begged me to stay in the cabin to "watch for suspicious actions and protect the cabin from outsiders", whatever that means. Besides, what harm could it do to stay in a cabin for three months? I needed a place to stay and Uncle Nile needed a niece to house sit for him, basically. Either way, here I am. All the fuck alone in the woods. I don't mean to sound so bitter; genially I am a nice person. If I wasn't I would have bitched my uncle out long ago and tell him that he was some nut looking out for BigFoot.

But… looking on the bright side, when I first got here it was not so bad, I guess. Have a car to use (an old yellow beetle), a visa card with no limit (as if there was anything in Willson Town I wanted to by anyway), good food, and the woods is pretty to look at. It almost has a "postcard" kind-of appeal with its glittering rivers, tall oaks, and a colorful variety of animals.

Speaking of animals, holy shit I have never seen so many wildlife before. Though the only "wild life" I have ever seen was squirrels and pigeons in the city, but here? Damn. My uncle's cabin is right in the middle of animal city, so it seems. Sometimes, because I'm alone and I am not use to the woods, it can get really scary here because of the amount of these wild animals and how they prowl around the cabin. It sure kicks Disney's Bambi in the balls. Happy, big eyed, cute rabbits and prancing fawns do not exist in this forest. Not at all.

Nights are the worst, hearing the loud grunts and animalistic screams while I'm trying to sleep. I'm afraid to go out of the cabin most of the time because of nightly predators and the hazardous landscape. Not saying I'm a pure wimp, or anything, but this particular forest is super dangerous for city people, like me. Generally, I don't go outside at all; when I do, I only go out to dump garbage and run to Willson to grab a few things at the beer shop. If I did go out to explore, I could honestly just see myself five minutes in the "adventure" trapped under a log while wild boars eat my face.

Boars are super scary too. I hear them scuff around once in a while in the mornings. They only seem to move around the house early in the morning recently. When I first heard them, I was extremely nervous because it reminded me of the time when I saw that one scene from the scary movie Hannibal were a gigantic pig ate the creepy guys face, freaked me the fuck out. I came to find out later that in the past wild boars ate human babies. They do. They just come up and eat them and dragged the remaining corps into the woods; never to be seen again. Fuck no way I am messing with those monsters.

So far it has been two weeks of them moving around the perimeter of the cabin and once I got over my nerves, I became really annoyed with them. They are so loud in the mornings. It either their scuffing or it's the thrumming of those damned woodpeckers that wake me up. They are always really close to the cabin in the break of day. Chattering, and scuffing every morning.

Pisses me off.

Normally, if I really thought about it, the noise itself is not so bad, Hell it beats blaring train whistles and honking any day, but in a place that is already quiet all the time…those animals suck. Always waking me up way too early with their noise.

One morning, I had enough of them and decided to take my chances and throw my one of my shoes at them, hoping that this would make them stop. As I pulled open the door, the noises stopped and everything was deathly still. Super creepy moment. What really got me going was that I could not find them, the animals. There were no sign of them or a hoof print or nothin'. I seriously thought I was going nuts until the morning after when I heard one of them run into the locked door. Scared the living shit out of me.

I tried to get Davie Power Ranger to help me out a few times, but he said that there were no boars in that area. He suggested that I was hearing things and might have seen a bear or some elk.

Bullshit.

I heard what bear and elk sound like before and they do not scuff like that. Maybe my uncle set loose a few pigs to help balance out the predator population and did not tell anybody. He is crazy like that, I guess, because honestly, from all the crazy sounds I have been hearing lately, the predators sound like they are going nuts on the killing. Or it's the boars killing the other animals. God… Fuck boars. Why are they so scary?!

Either way, I gave up on asking for Davie's help. Might as well let it be and leave it alone. It's not like I was braving the wilderness to prove that there is something out there and to show Know-it-all Ranger that I'm right. That would be stupid and pointless. Plus what can I do? I could barely make popcorn without burning it much less play woodsmen Sherlock Homes.

So today… well for one, it was different. Like way totally different. The type of day that you should shit your pants because of the shock, but don't do it because you are also scared shitless, kind-a different.

So out of story sake, let's start at the beginning…

I started off my morning like I usually do. Wake up, bath room, what the fuck, cereal, milk, cartoons. All in flawless perfect order.

So there I was. Just me and Spongebob Squarepants, dooking it out on Fruitloops when I heard the animal duo of the boar and the woodpecker. Normally I would hear more of these strange pare of animals, but this time it was a solo act by the front window. It was strange to hear them make so much noise so late in the morning, it's not normal for them to be active when I'm walking around. They never do that…

So stupidly, I set my box of fruitylisious cereal and milk down on the counter and investigated. I was curious to see if I could catch a glimpse of these creatures so I could say "I-Told-You-So" at Power Ranger Davie when he calls later. He labeled me in the nicest of ways that I was a scared little city girl jumping at every strange noise I hear. His argument was that that my imagination was painting pictures in my head because I did not see any boars, so hearing them so close to the window now was a great opportunity for me to show that he was an ass and I'm not crazy.

Looking back at it now, after all that had happened thus far as I sit tightly in the kitchen pantry hiding from the scary guy in the bathroom, I am not entirely sure that the events that corresponded afterwards were all because of my actions, but I'm kind-a kicking myself in the ass for getting up and looking out the window.

On the outside window sill, there was a glob of glowing green paint. Besides being the most strangest sight to find in the woods, it was also the most distracting. It reminded me of the juices of those glowing stick thing-ys that people use in raves and Halloween parties. In fact, it brought me back to a memory of when I was a kid and one of my glow stick-thingy's broke and stained my pillow. As a kid I thought it was the coolest thing, having a glowing object that was not a hold-able stick, as an adult, stranded alone in the middle of the woods… no, the fuck, way.

As I stared at it, nearly thousands of thoughts crossed my mind. What is this stuff? Why is it here? Where did the boar and the woodpecker go? Why am I still standing here muttering questions to myself like some lunatic?

Because I am a total wimp and embraced my weaknesses, I already knew I was not going outside. Though the strange glowing stuff was bizarre and had potential to peak my curiosity, I was too much of a coward to go outside to look around. I could have stared at that glowing blob all day and not set a toe out or the front door. So I opened up the window and poked at the object with the side of my pinky. Considering that this might be hazardous, poisonous, or perhaps even acidic, as soon as I touched it I regretted it, fearing that I had stupidly harmed myself. But nothing happened.

The green stuff was surprisingly warm; slightly hotter than room temperature. Its glow was mesmerizing and had an appealing sight to it. What the fuck is this stuff?!

I started to look around the window to see if there is more of this illuminate substance when I heard the feeble cry of my Beetle honking in the drive way. I did not necessarily "sprung into action" and gallantly raced at the door with Goddess-like agility towards my distressed car, more accurately, I stumbled back awkwardly at the sudden loudness of my car; Spongebob in the background timely laughed at my "almost" fail. When I regained my balance, I strode at the door when I heard the sound of metal ripping.

The sound of metal ripping and or scratching against itself is the worst sound in the entire world. It's painful to hear and, strangely, the sound of it left me a taste sensation of a copper penny in my mouth. As soon as I reached the door, the car alarm stopped. The tearing of metal has stopped. And for a split second, I think my heart just stopped.

Holy shit, the silence was scary. Except for the projection of Spongebob's annoying voice in the living room. That did not count for the amount of terror that is in the silence.

Though I had my face nearly plastered against the window panels of the front door, I did not see anything. Literally, I did not see anything. My car is completely gone…and I still had two months worth of payment for it… God fucking damn it.

There were a range of emotions that shot pass me at that moment. Fear: because of the loud sounds earlier of my missing car. Anger: because of the disappearance my missing car. Sadness: because of my missing car. Longing: because of my missing car and the fact that I could not make a quick "get-away". Panic: because I am completely alone in the woods and there is no way out unless I do something stupid and brave the wilderness because of lack of transportation of my missing car. The fact of me being carless plays a major role in these peaking emotions.

Along with the "silence", the world seemed to freeze suddenly. Nothing outside moved. Not even a tinny leaf from the nearby trees fluttered past.

So like an idiot, I stood close to the door, holding my breath and holding myself together. As I was looking out the window, I leaned closer towards the surface of the door, hoping to find a sign or at least a ligit cause for my missing vehicle. My face nearly brushed passes the cool surface of the glass when I was instantly greeted by the woodpecker sound. The suddenly loudness of this animal reverberated through the door in a single but loud chattering drawl which slowly eased into silence.

My heart felt like it stopped beating again as I violently flinched away from the wooden barrier; my eyes darting around the negative space frantically in the stillness, desperately looking for the stupid bird, because any other explanation would be too freaky. Suddenly, on top of everything that has happen thus far, I had to pee, which was weird because nothing was happening (yet), besides scaring myself shitless, and I just went twenty minutes ago when I woke up. Strange what your body does when it's scared, so imperfect and un-Hollywood-y in very way.

One thing is for sure. I did not dare open the door-which in hinds sight, I should have at least check to see if the damned thing was locked, though it might not have mattered later. With a shuttering exhale, I finally moved and started towards the front window were the green glowing glob was still shimmering on the sill. I wanted to close the window, as if the thin glass barrier was going to protect me from any threat that lay outside my door. What I really wanted to do was contact ranger Davie-er David, so that he could help me with my latest problem of my vanishing car. Maybe I could hitch a ride with him and leave this cabin in the mercy of the glowing green boars… at least, that is what I told myself, that is…

What happen next… I'm still trying to figure out now. In fact, as I'm sitting here in the dark, I might have not believed that this was real.

First there was the crashing sound of the front door being kicked in. I thought I was going to collapse forward because of the suddenness of the crash, and the noise scared me so much that I did not even noticed that it was slammed shut and locked after it came through. Without thinking, I whirled around to only be knocked down on my ass by this hulking figure. Dazed, confused and on the verge of wetting myself, I ended up pushing myself up and attempted to follow the figure.

Which was really stupid.

Chaotically, my brain tried to register what was in front of me. It looked like a person; rather it had the physical appearance of one. It had the necessity aspects of a human which consisted of two arms, two legs, and a head. The only difference that put the brute between it and I was the fact that this guy was HUGE-not fat, mind you, but super buff and freakishly tall. From what I was see from it's back side, it wore little clothing. Besides fishnet leggings and shirt-thing, it also had bits of metal-like armor on its shoulders, arm and head. The stuff, that I could only guess was dreadlocks, swished and shifted back and forth behind it as the creature strode through the cabin; it's hair was kind-a distracting because it looked like tubes then actual strands, but what do I know. To top it off, there was also some kind of loincloth around it's waist, making me suspicious that the being before me might be male, but then again, how the fuck can you tell these days?

The most distracting feature on this creature was the green glow paint that coated the majority of it's body. Stupidly, this somehow reminded me of a less romantic version of Edward Cullen from "Twilight", even though this scary guy looked nothing like the sexy teen gay vampire. Strange how the mind works when panicked.

As I stared at it, the creature made a quick turn towards the bathroom and started breaking shit. From mirrors, bits of tile, it was all smashed up and crushed with it's massive scaly fists. I was too shocked to protest against the destructive actions. I mean, who the fuck waltzes into a person cabin, scare the shit out of the person living there, and break their Uncle's stuff without having the decency on mumbling a single "howdy-do"?! Not that I want this guy to actually say, "howdy-do", but at least say something! A reason on why this scary guy is here would be nice, please? A puppet show? Fuck I don't care.

Besides the sheer amount of panic that I was feeling, I was also feeling the warm angry stings of bitchy-itous. Who the Hell is this piece of work? If I was not such a wimp, I would have gone all gansta on his ass. But instead, I just watched the brute from the safety of the hallway as it continued breaking more stuff.

I was considering on finding a place to hid, or at least finding a heavy object to hit the intruder with, when suddenly it gathered the broken bathroom pieces and dump it in the sink. Strange, even a five year old would not cover-up the damage by washing it down the drain… but then again, what did I know?

The intruder made a loud thrumming noise, which sounded exactly like the woodpecker, and press it's wrist device-thingy. A small slot instantly jetted out of the surface of the device and the creature pulled out a tube with glowing blue substance in it. What is with the freak and glowing stuff?

Without knowing, I accidentally voiced out my thoughts and said a little too loudly, "What the fuck…?" I wished I did not say anything and would be more than happy to turn into a wisp of smoke. Just, "poof" and I'm outta here. Later Bitches.

The intruder turned it's massive head at me. The woodpecker noise slightly more menacing then before as it eyed me. Or at least I think it eyed me; could not tell because it wore a metal mask. But this I know, shit was going down and, God damn it, I was in it's killing range.

Suddenly, the brute roared at me, its body language angry.

Fearfully I was frozen to the spot. Nearly hyperventilating and or on the verge of passing out as the intruder continued to roar at me. It made a jaded move in my direction, as if it was going to hurt me. It was a stroke of luck that my mind was slightly stronger then my body and I found myself moving my stiff limbs fast enough for me to find a place in the cabin to hide in.

The roars of the monster in the bathroom could be heard shaking through the walls in the cabin as I curled tighter into a ball. Hiding in the kitchen pantry seemed like a childish move on my part, but going outside was a big "no", and being out in the open in the cabin was also a "no".

I could only hope that this thing would eventually leave and not hurt me. That what I kept telling myself, at least.