DEDICATION: This is to all of you who reviewed my story Ash/Misty VS Sakura/Li. It was a deathmatch, but was taken down because some stupid f*** didn't like the ending or something like that and reported it.

A/N: This is actually more of a warning. So let me change that to...

WARNING: This fic WILL be bashing several things that you readers may like and may offend you, but I don't think that badly. Also, be warned that my views are slightly biased. Also this is from Syaorans POV

Story begins... now



Hello everyone. It's me, Syaoran. I've been looking at all theese fics you people have been writing. People seem to love pairing me off with Sakura! Don't think I haven't seen all of your various works out there on the net! I'm here to set the record straight once and for all on that.

Anyway I'd like to start by saying that contrary to popular belief, I don't have a crush on Sakura. I mean, how could I possibly care for that dense, immature, egotistical, self-absorbed, pig-headed, cheap, annoying little slut?

She is my friend, I'll give you that, but that I'm not in love with her. Nope. Not at all. And I know you say that it looks like it at the show. Well I say you can all shove it right up your rears. Shove it all up in there.

I've seen so many fics with me and Sakura falling in love it makes me want to throw up! Especially those perverted hentai fics. What are those authors thinking?

Anyway, moving right along, as I said earlier Sakura is a slut. Its true. I've seen her getting banged by her brother, Kero, Yue, and Meiling. I mean what a slut! Letting Kero and Yue do it is one thing, but she also sleeps with her brother! Incest! EWWWWWW!!

On the subject of Kero and Yue. Turns out that Sakura isn't the master. They are. When they want to get... pleasured, they just call Sakura. She's there in an instant ready to let them have their way with her. I saw one session of her and Keros. Very intense and wild, but thats a different story.

Another reason I couldn't like Sakura is simple. I'm gay. Yep you heard me! I, Syaoran, am a fudge packer, rectal ranger, dinnermasher, ETC. Dont get me wrong. Im not a sicko like Sakura and letting a big cat bang me. But I do let Yue, Sakura's brother, my pet dog, and a few other things do their work.

Speak of the devil. There's the little slut now. HEY WHORE!

SAKURA: Oh hey! Sorry, can't talk now.

SYAORAN: Why not? Whats the big deal slut?

SAKURA: Listen, just because I'm a cheap whore doesn't make me a slut.

SYAORAN: So where you going ho?

SAKURA: If you must know, Master Yue's called for me so we can.... spend quality time together.

SYAORAN: Whatever slut.

SAKURA: (walking away, muttering) I hope Yue doesn't use the whips this time...



See what I mean? Sakura openly admitted she's a cheap slutty whore.

Moving rigth along though Sakura's also a weak little cry baby. Oh boo hoo, the Dash Card ran away. Boo Hoo. Heck, if it weren't for me that stupid brat would be dead. The only reason I saved her so many times is because I was planning to steal all those Cards when she recaught them.

There another thing. The slut released the cards in the first place. Do you have any idea how hard it is to catch em all? Catch Em all.... Hell! I just realized our entire show is a cheap rip off of Pokemon! Pokemon's so much better of course. And Ash and Misty are so much more powerful and smart and better looking and clever and are just the best and make a great couple and they really beat me and Sakura down in that deathmatch. Why do we have to suck so bad?!?! Oh yeah. Because we're loser!

Anyway, thats all. But for your enjoyment, I shall now chop this desk into two new desks.

ME: YOU HEARD IT PEOPLE! SYAORAN, THE HOMOSEXUAL CARDCAPTOR, IS GOING TO CHOP THIS DESK INTO TWO!

SYAORAN: Dragon Stance.... HI YAH!! OHHHH! Mike! I think I hurt my hand, and my pinkies bent in the wrong direction!

ME: Listen Karate Kid, the desk is still in one piece!

SYAORAN: ~sniff~ Okay I admit it. I cant fight! I'm not a ninja or samuri or any of that crap!!

~Syaoran runs off crying to his candle~



MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! This is such a great fic. And its so truthful to. SO everyone knows Im working on a fic like this for Sakura to! :-)