(A/N: I do not own friends. Please read 'Tired of It all' and 'Reunited At Last' first to get in touch with the full story please)
Ross came home one day from the University. It had been three months since he had reunited with Carol and she joined their relationship with Emily and Rachel and his life was completely wonderful and he couldn't think of anything that could make life better at this point.
As he came into his apartment, he saw his 3 loves waiting for him, all with concerned faces on their faces. Ross' smile on his face turned to a frown. While he couldn't think of anything that could make his life better, there were practically an infinite number of things that could make it worse.
"Hey" Ross said.
"Ross…..we've been thinking about something" Rachel said.
"...What?" Ross asked, scared of the answer he was about to get.
"We think it's in Ben's and Your best interest if you tell him about the day you…..decided to take your life" Emily said.
Ross didn't say a word, not knowing what to say.
"We think it's time he knows, Ross. We can't just keep this from him forever. We feel that the sooner he knows, the sooner he can use that as a lesson for the future should he…..ever feel that way" Carol said, choking at the thought.
"...I…..I don't know…...what will I tell him?" Ross asked.
"Tell him about why you did it and how you managed to heal from it" Rachel said.
Ross looked down at the floor and sighed. "...I hoped this day wouldn't ever have to come"
"Ross, this needs to be done. You can't keep running away from it. Once you talk this over with them, you'll finally be free from this" Carol said.
After staying silent for a minute, he put down his briefcase and went to Ben's room. He knocked on the door.
A few moments later, Ben opened the door. "Hi daddy!"
"Hey, bud. You mind if I talk to you for a minute?" Ross asked.
"Sure" Ben said with a smile on his face and Ross came into the room. He sat in a chair across from Ben's bed where he sat.
"What did you want to talk about, dad?" Ben asked.
"Well…...Ben…...This is an incredibly complicated subject to discuss but I need to talk to you about this" Ross said.
Ben's smile faded. His father wasn't acting like his goofy self which meant he may not like this as much as he should.
"Ben…...have you ever heard of this thing called….Suicide?" Ross asked.
Ben shook his head no.
"Well, you see...it's where people decide to….you know….try to die before they reach that certain age" Ross said.
"Wait…..some people try to kill themselves?" Ben asked with solemn in his voice.
"Well, yes. There are" Ross said.
"But why? Life is so wonderful. Why would people just want to give it up?" Ben said.
Ross gave a small and sad smile. He wished he had that sort of blissful ignorance a child had.
"Well….Ben, sometimes life doesn't always end up the way people hope it will. It can be for many reasons. Reasons that people believe that life just isn't really worth living" Ross said.
"Like what?" Ben asked.
"Well, sometimes it's because people don't feel like they're loved or at least feel important in anyone's life….they feel….worthless" Ross said.
"Do you know anyone like that, Dad?" Ben asked.
Ross looked down and paused for a second before saying "Well, Ben...that's why I wanted to talk to you about. You see….a little more than a year ago, I….I sort of lost that will I had to live so I….."
Ben whose face grew more and more concerned as he listened to his father speak.
"Daddy….did you try to kill yourself?" Ben asked.
Ross closed his eyes, two small tears running down his cheek. He rolled up his left sleeve and showed him his knife scars.
"Yes. I tried to commit Suicide, Ben" Ross said.
Ben gasped. He put his hands over his mouth. Tears started rolling down his face. It was true. His father had tried to kill himself.
Ben got off his bed and ran towards his father. He hugged him tightly which Ross returned. Their grips on each other were strong, not letting go for a long time.
When they parted, Ben looked at his father. "...But….why?"
"Well, it's a pretty complicated story, Ben. You know when I married Aunt Emily?" Ross asked.
Ben nodded.
"Well….I kind of did something stupid" Ross said.
"What did you do?" Ben asked.
"I….When me and Aunt Emily were exchanging vows, I said Aunt Rachel's name instead of hers" Ross said.
"Is that bad?" Ben asked.
"Very, very bad, Ben. It's really one of the worst things you can do in marriage" Ross said.
"Marriage sounds complicated" Ben said.
"Believe me, you'll one day find that it's a lot more complicated than you think" Ross said with a small smile on his face.
He continued.
"Anyway, Aunt Emily got upset with me so she ran away and I didn't hear from her for a long time. Then when we were supposed to go on our honeymoon-" Ross said.
"Daddy, what's a honeymoon?" Ben asked.
"Oh, well, that's a vacation that a new husband and wife go so they can spend quality time together" Ross said.
"Really? Why didn't I get to go?" Ben asked.
Ross chuckled. "Well, Ben...when 2 people...or 3 go on a honeymoon, it means they want to be alone with each other"
"It sounds kind of lonely" Ben said.
"Well, it's not as if there was nothing for us to do" Ross said with a grin on his face.
"...daddy?" Ben asked after Ross had not spoken for a long time.
"Oh! Sorry, bud. I...got lost for a second. Anyway, when me and Aunt Emily were supposed to go on our honeymoon, Aunt Rachel happened to be their at the airport while I was waiting for her. When it felt like she wasn't going to come, she offered to come with me so I said yes because I didn't want to go alone" Ross said.
"So you went on your honeymoon with Aunt Rachel instead of Aunt Emily?" Ben asked.
"Well….not really. You see just before I was getting on the plane, your Aunt Emily came and saw me with Aunt Rachel and….let's just say she wasn't happy so she ran away again. I tried to catch her but I lost her" Ross explained.
"Aunt Emily was mad at you?" Ben asked.
"For a very long time, she was mad at me. I tried sending her roses, I tried calling her, I even tried calling her relatives until she called me one day. She said that if I stopped seeing Aunt Rachel then she would come from London to New York" Ross said.
"...but you kept seeing Aunt Rachel?" Ben asked.
"Well for a short time, I actually tried to distance myself from her because I wanted so badly for my marriage with Aunt Emily to work but….I just couldn't keep away from Aunt Rachel...she was my friend so I said to her that if she couldn't trust me then we shouldn't be married...and she agreed...she didn't trust me. We agreed to a divorce after that" Ross said.
"You and Aunt Emily got divorced?" Ben asked.
"Well….it's complicated but we ended up actually not getting divorced but for weeks, I thought we did and that made me feel….unloved. I felt sadness I hadn't felt before. You see, I've been divorced before Ben and let me tell you, it sucks" Ross said.
"It does?" Ben asked.
"Yes…...don't tell your mother I said the word 'suck', please" Ross asked.
"What's in it for me?" Ben asked with a suspicious look on his face.
"Uh….ice cream tomorrow?" Ross asked.
"Alright. Cool" Ben said.
"Good….anyway…..I started feeling unloved. I didn't enjoy the things I used to, I ate less, I went out less, I….I was depressed" Ross said.
"But didn't you have Aunt Rachel, Aunt Monica, Uncle Chandler, Aunt Phoebe and Uncle Joey?" Ben asked.
"Yes I did but….I just felt incomplete. After your mother left me years ago and when Emily left me, I felt a pain that just grew and grew. I felt like I was going to just explode at any point but the thing that threw me over the edge was I got word that your Aunt Emily was going to marry an old boyfriend of hers" Ross said.
"But why? I thought she loved you" Ben said.
"She does but, well….like I said, it's complicated. When I learned that your Aunt Emily was going to get married, I felt sadness I didn't think was possible to feel. I felt insignificant, I felt replaceable….I felt worthless" Ross said.
Ben buried his face in Ross' chest. "You're not worthless, daddy"
Ross rested his chin on his son's head. "Thanks, buddy. Coming from you, it makes me feel anything but"
Ben looked up. "Then what happened?"
"Well…..I don't really know if I should really be so descriptive but…that's when I tried to kill myself" Ross said.
Ben's eyes start tearing up and Ross wiped them away.
"Don't do that, Ben. It's alright. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere….I'm never doing anything like that again" Ross said.
Ben nodded but he was still confused.
"But daddy…..what made you change your mind about life?" Ben asked.
Ross smiled. "Well….with the help of very special people in my life, I realized what made life worth living: the people that love you"
"You mean mom, Aunt Rachel and Aunt Emily?" Ben asked.
"Yes but also your friends, your family, everyone around you that you've touched and whose lives you've made a difference. I didn't know at the time but I had one of the best lives anyone could ever have. The reason why I'm telling you all of this, Ben, isn't to make you feel sad but to remind you that no matter how bad it seems like it gets, suicide is never the answer. Taking yourself from your family and loved ones is never the answer. You are loved Ben….very much….I love you, son" Ross said.
"I love you too daddy" Ben said, choking up in tears and hugging his father who hugged him back, tears running down his face as well.
Ross closed his eyes and they both stayed in that position for several minutes. Ross eventually looked up and turned his head to see the 3 loves of his life standing at the door. He smiled.
After Ben and Ross parted, Ross asked "Hey Ben, why don't you and me go out for that ice cream? I could use a chocolate vanilla swirl myself"
Ben smiled, his face messy with tears, and nodded. Trust ice cream in any situation to make a child smile.
"Good. Wait in the kitchen for a little bit, I'll be there in a little bit" Ross said.
Ben got up and moved out of the room with Carol kissing his head along with Rachel and Emily giving him a hug.
When he was out of the room, Ross said "You know, the day before I did what I did, I asked myself 'what was I living for? Why did I need to be here?' and now more than a year later, I have my answer. Every one of you make my life feel like a million days in one"
The three women came in and crowded Ross.
"We're just getting started, Ross. Our family is inseparable" Emily said.
"We'll be by your side until the day death parts us" Rachel said.
"Like it was always meant to be" Carol said.
Ross smiled. "Thank you ladies. I really needed this…..I finally….I finally feel at peace with what I did"
"We're glad. We knew it would help you find what you needed" Rachel said.
"So….what now?" Ross asked.
"Now you take us all out for ice-cream" Carol said.
"Huh?" Ross asked, confused.
"We were listening in and heard you say 'sucks' to Ben" Rachel said.
Ross widened his eyes and Carol smacked him on his head.
"Besides, you don't go out for ice cream and not take the pregnant lady. That's just not polite, darling" Emily said.
"I want a Rocky Road" Carol said.
"Ooh, I want Chocolate chip cookie dough" Rachel said.
"Give me one of each of those. Those sound delicious" Emily said.
Ross sighed. He really needed to shut his big mouth sometimes….
(A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. I just wanted to get this out to give a more personal feel of how suicide affects those around you. Your life is more precious than any material item in the entire world no matter what life throws at you. Please leave a review if you enjoyed it or feel like it needs work. Please be respectful if you do though. Flames will be ignored.).
