Animorphs go Springer

Animorphs go Springer! by Petros and Gabrielleā„¢

Crowd: (loud cheering)

Jerry: Welcome. As you probably know, today's show will be a little bit different. Today, our guests are teens caught up in an alien war. We'll be right back.

Jerry: Okay, our first guest is Rachel.

(A 9,000 lb. African elephant stomps in from backstage, completely demolishes the couch, and stops midstage. The elephant demorphs to human and gives a dazzling smile.)

Rachel: Hi, Jerry. Glad to be here.

(Jerry acts perfectly normal. After all, there have been stranger things on his show.)

Jerry: So, Rachel, could you please explain to us how you're able to do that?

Rachel: Well, one night, my friends and I were walking through an old construction site, and an Andalite landed in his ship. He told us about the Yeerks and gave us the morphing power so we could fight them.

Jerry: Ah. And what are the Yeerks?

Rachel: They are gross little slug-looking aliens that crawl in your ear and take control of your body.

Jerry: I think we had one on my show last week.

Rachel: I don't really watch daytime TV much. For that you would have to ask my fly guy Tobias.

Jerry: Bring out Tobias!

(A red-tailed hawk swoops down from the rafters and poops on the back of Jerry's suit. Jerry doesn't notice. The hawk perches on the wrecked couch.)

Jerry: Why doesn't he turn to human?

Tobias: Because this is my natural form.

Rachel (to Tobias): I don't think microphones can pick up thought-speak. You should probably morph.

(Tobias morphs to Hork-Bajir)

Rachel (to Tobias): Why did you do that one?

Tobias: What can I say? I like the talons.

Jerry: What are you?

Tobias: I'm Batm-I mean, I'm a nothlit. I stayed more than two hours as a hawk, so I'm stuck that way.

Jerry: Then how can you morph now?

Tobias: Well, this almost-all-powerful hyperdemensional guy called the Ellimist gave me back the morphing power in exchange for helping some free Hork-Bajir. That's where I got this morph.

Jerry: Alright, so our next guest is-

Ellimist: NO

Jerry: You have a contractual obligation-

Ellimist: I CANNOT APPEAR ON YOUR SHOW. I DO NOT INTERFERE IN THE AFFAIRS OF OTHER SPECIES.

Jerry: What about the contract?

(The Ellimist curls the particular strand of space-time containing the contract into a loop, creating a plot-hole. He jumps through the plot-hole and escapes the story.)

Jerry: Okay, back to Tobias. So, I understand you have a weird family.

Tobias: Yes Jerry, my father is an Andalite, and my mother just disappeared. My uncle is a drunk and my aunt ignores me.

Jerry: And what is an Andalite?

Tobias: I can show you. My uncle Ax is backstage.

Jerry: Alright, come on out, Ax!

Ax: Jerry, I am very happy to be a guest on this primitive form of communication. I love your show! I watch it every day!

Jerry: Ax, can you turn to human?

Ax: Yes

Jerry: Would you please do so for the microphones?

Rachel and Tobias: You'll be sorry...

(Ax morphs to human)

Ax: Is this better, Jerry? Jer reee. Jerry, Cherry? Interesting. The mouth-sounds are very similar, yet the meanings are...

Jerry: Ax, I see that you aren't exactly human.

Ax: Of course not!

Jerry: And it is your race, the Andalites, who are truly at war with the Yeerks?

Ax: Yes, Jerry. However, they are currently invading Earth, so it is very much a human concern.

Jerry: And are the Andalites coming to help?

Ax: Yes, but they will not arrive for another one of your years.

Marco (coming onstage): Ax, you're on Earth, they're everyone's years!

Jerry: And you are?

Rachel: Annoying.

Marco: Ow! Xena's sword-like wit pierces me yet again! I'm Marco.

Jerry: So what morph are you famous for?

Marco: Just watch me work.

(Marco morphs to gorilla)

(A mandolin starts playing in the background.)

Rachel (singing): He's Joxer the mighty. He's very tidy...

(Marco throws chair at Rachel. Rachel is suddenly possessed by the spirit of Xena and kicks Marco's monkey bunky all over the stage)

Crowd: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

(Steve comes to break up the fight while Rachel morphs grizzly bear. Just before Steve is torn to pieces, a Yeerk is seen leaving his right ear. Marco stomps it. Rachel and Marco demorph and give each other a high-five.)

Jerry: We'll be right back.

Jerry: We're back. So Marco, what relation do you have to anyone else in the group?

Marco: You mean like Rachel and Tobias kind of relationship?

(Rachel vaporizes a chair with her furious gaze, and Tobias attempts to preen furiously, but succeeds only in scattering a few loose scales)

Marco: Oh, come on, everyone knows about that! Quit trying to hide it!

Jerry: Well?

Marco: Nothing romantic for me. Although I can't see how I possibly couldn't with looks like mine.

Jerry: Family? Friends?

Marco: Well, my mommy is Visser One. And my best buddy Jake is an Animorph.

Jerry: Visser One, come on in!

Visser One: Hi, Jerry. Hello, Marco.

Marco: Mommy!

(Marco runs toward her, but is stopped by the low-powered Dracon beam she held in her hand)

Jerry: Hey! No weapons on the set!

(Visser One incinerates Jerry, but an identical replacement comes through the plot-hole. She shrugs and tosses the Dracon beam away.)

(Jerry looks through his cards)

Jerry: Ah! Here we go to our next guest Jake, the leader of the Animorphs.

(A fly zooms in front of the camera then demorphs and sits beside Tobias. Jerry barfs.)

Jake: Hi Jerry!

Jerry: That was disgusting! Anyway, hi Jake welcome to the show. Tell us about yourself.

Jake: I'm the unofficial leader of the Animorphs. Rachel is my cousin. My brother is a controller and I have the hots for Cassie.

Jerry: We'll be right back.

Jerry: And we're back. Here's our next guest Cassie.

Cassie (from backstage): Hey! A little help here!

(Jake and Marco go backstage and wheel in a dolphin on three skateboards.)

Jerry: Welcome to the show Cassie.

(The dolphin turns into Cassie. The skateboards turn into Odo, from Deep Space Nine, who falls into the plot-hole)

Cassie: Glad to be here Jerry.

Jerry: During the break Ax was telling me that you are the best morpher in the group.

Cassie: Yes that is true I'm the fasted morpher and the most creative morpher.

Jerry: Marco told me you and Jake go out. Is this true?

Cassie: We don't officially go out, but we are close friends.

(Jake blushes bright red)

Jerry: Well this is a good looking bunch of Andalite bandits don't you agree Visser Three?

(Visser Three crawls in as a Lerdethak)

Jake: Hey! You've already done that one!

Visser Three: Have not!

Jake: Have too!

Visser Three: Have not!

(Jake suddenly remembers that that timeline was erased.)

Visser Three: Fine! I'll do something else.

(Visser Three begins demorphing. Ax begins demorphing, too. As both resume Andalite form, Ax attacks.)

Crowd: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

(George arrives to break up the fight, and just before he is sliced to ribbons, a Yeerk crawls from his left ear and plops to the floor. Marco pours salt on it, and it melts. Ax and the Visser are pushed away from each other. Everyone looks at Jerry, who now sits on a throne miles high, staring at everyone with his huge red eyeball.)

Crayak: HAHAHA! I FEED UPON YOUR FEAR! YES, YOU ALL FEAR ME, AS WELL YOU SHOULD! HAHAHA!

(Suddenly, the plot collapses into a singularity, which is sucked into the plot-hole, leaving Odo and the the Ellimist to play Rock, Scissors, Paper.)

THE END