"Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell"
- Unwell (Matchbox 20)
Chapter One - Unwell
With a deep sigh Rose flopped down on the red plush seat of the Prefect's carriage closest the window, tossing her worn down leather messenger bag under the seat as she stretched her legs out in front of her, savouring the few minutes of silence she would get before the other prefects entered the carriage with her.
Even in the safety of the Hogwarts Express Rose could hear the excitement of the families outside, chattering enthusiastically and crying goodbyes. Rose merely shook her head and rested it against the window behind her, eyes closed as she attempted to block out the background noise. She never understood why goodbyes took so long. When it came to her it was easy; simply say goodbye and give her parents a hug and reluctant kiss before boarding the train without looking back to avoid any sadness. Easy.
"Oh, Rose!" The Gryffindor girl opened her eyes slowly, raising her head to be met with the all-too-familiar face of Archie Cardiff staring at her with wide eyes. He took a step further into the carriage and shut the door behind him. "I didn't expect you to be here."
"I was a perfect last year, Archie," Rose said flatly, removing her feet from the seats beside her. Archie took the seat directly opposite her, muttering something under his breath. "Usually those who are prefects in their sixth year are prefects in their seventh."
"I thought you had your..." Archie trailed off, pressing his lips together as he stared at his feet in embarrassment. Clearly, he hadn't meant to say it.
"Badge taken off me?" Rose asked. Archie nodded once. "Rumour." Rose shrugged and stretched her arms behind her head. "Not surprising really."
"So, any idea who the Head Boy and Girl are this year?" Archie asked after a moment of awkward silence, running a hand through his dark hair as he watched Rose uncomfortably before pulling off the black beanie with the words 'DOPE' written on the front and putting it back on the way he liked. His dark blue eyes shone as they met Rose's pale ones.
Rose made a noise in the back of her throat and shrugged. "I thought you would be Head Boy, to be honest. You seemed to be the only good candidate." Archie chuckled embarrassedly and mumbled a 'thank you' as a small blush made its way on to his otherwise clear face. Rose kicked her bag from under the seat and added, "I don't know about Head Boy, but I'm Head Girl."
Archie opened his mouth as if about to question her, but Rose pulled the small red badge out of her bag pocket and showed it to him and he closed his mouth, sinking into the seat with a displeased look on his face.
Rose grinned smugly, pocketing her badge and returning her bag under her seat with a sharp kick. Usually, she wasn't as rough with her bag. "I can assure you a lot of people will feel the same way, Archie." Archie looked as if he were about to speak again, but the carriage door opening seemed to distract him as he watched the small group of several sixth years enters with their heads down.
Archie gave them a warm smile, welcoming them in and offering them a seat before introducing them to Rose.
"Aren't you the one they call the 'Gryffindor Slut'?" One of the sixth years, a brown haired and green eyed Ravenclaw, asked as she took a seat beside Archie. One of her friends slapped her arm but before he could say anything he was interrupted by something louder than him. Albus Severus Potter.
"Hey! Watch what you say about my cousin!" Rose rolled her eyes as he strutted into the carriage, glaring down at the sixth years. Albus hadn't changed since the last time Rose saw him over six weeks before. His hair was the same unkempt black mess, his eyes the same muted green and his face the same freckled mess. He had grown, maybe an inch or two, but otherwise remained the same as he was the last time Rose had seen him when they left Hogwarts. "Although she hasn't spoken to me in six, maybe even seven weeks, so Merlin knows why I'm sticking up for her because she is practically a stranger now!"
Rose snorted and shook her head as Albus sat down beside her, nudging the girl with his elbow and a wide grin. "Good to see you too, Al."
"So why haven't you called me in forever?" Albus demanded, waving a quick hello to his friend - Archie - before returning his attention to his cousin.
"I've been... busy." Rose scrunched up her nose at her feeble excuse, watching Albus' reaction apprehensively. Albus snorted at her expression and began the seemingly endless tale of everything he did over the time Rose had not seen him.
Truthfully, however, Rose had done nothing over the previous six and a half weeks. Her time was spent with her cat, Dante, and her many, many books. Usually, she would spend every moment of her time with her cousins, but none of them even noticed Rose beginning to pull away from them until they were face-to-face with her once again like Albus was in that moment. Rose tried to ignore the way her chest tightened at the thought. After all, why would her cousins care that she saw them less and less? At least they didn't have to deal with her dramatics anymore.
Distracted by her thoughts and pretending to listen to what Albus said she didn't notice the last of the prefects, new and old, entering the carriage until someone kicked her foot gently.
"Are you with us, Rosie, dear?" Rose rolled her eyes at the almost-platinum haired boy who stared down at her, muttering a snarky comment under her breath to Scorpius Malfoy. "I was just thinking of poor Albus who honestly thought you were listening to his deathly boring tale of what I can only interpret as his entry to the world of mass orgies and a rather disturbing tale of sexually assaulting a pigeon with your ridiculously large family."
"What do you want, Malfoy?" Rose asked, tone monotonous as she glared half-heartedly at the boy before her.
"While you were locked in that twisted mind of yours and pretending to listen to your cousin we were trying to figure out who out Head Girl was. Cardiff over there has the delusion that it's you." Scorpius said in one breath, drawing the attention of all the other prefects in the carriage, all of which had quietened down and began listening to the Slytherin boy talk. Rose raised an eyebrow, meeting his pale blue eyes with her own darker blue ones as the boy ran his fingers through his almost-platinum blonde hair. The girls who had insulted Rose before giggled at the small movement, making the Slytherin boy grin wider.
"I mean McGonagall must have had a moment of insanity to appoint you Head Girl." He continued. Rose lifted her hand and gestured for him to come closer to her with her index finger. Scorpius took a step forward and leaned down ever so slightly. It took everything Rose had within her to ignore the cries of 'oooh' that passed over the younger prefects at the sight of Scorpius' face being near her own. With a forced smirk, Rose tossed the small red badge from her pocket at the boy in front of her. Scorpius fumbled with it for a moment before inspecting it, his mouth dropping as he confirmed what the badge said out loud.
"Clearly McGonagall is crazy." Behind Malfoy, the other prefects muttered under their breaths, incoherent comments that were without a doubt negative about their new Head Girl.
Before Rose could open her mouth and ask for her badge back it landed on her lap. She picked up the small badge, expecting it to be her own. Instead, she was met with an emerald green badge identical in shape and size to her own but with the words 'Head Boy' written in silver on the front.
"What poor boy did you steal this from, Malfoy?" Rose scoffed, throwing the badge back to the Slytherin boy. He caught it easily unlike Rose, quickly pocketing it before tossing Rose's badge back to her and sinking into a seat next to Archie after gesturing for the sixth years that sat there to move.
"Very quick, very funny." Scorpius applauded sarcastically, smirking at the Gryffindor girl as he leaned forward in his seat. "Very... witty, Rosie, dear."
Rose sat forward where she sat, licking her lips deliberately and watching the boy with a small smile, one that Roxanne tried to convince Rose was alluring and always misused, like then for example. "How about you just get on with the whole telling everyone what to do and stop staring at me, Scorpius?" He rolled his eyes at the question but listened anyway. He told everyone what to do when they got off the train and when they're first real meeting would be and, of course, what was expected of them now that they were prefects.
"That's about it unless Weasley wants to add something?" Scorpius shot Rose a look which she shrugged at, shaking her head at his questioning gaze. "You can go and join your friend's carriages or stay here, but remember what you need to do when we arrive at Hogwarts." Most of the people rose to their feet and exited the carriage, leaving about a quarter of the prefects remaining the carriage.
Rose didn't speak for the remainder of the journey. Instead, she read Ulysses, which she had specifically bought for the train journey as she listened to her cousin flicker between gushing over Archie Cardiff (Rose swore Albus had the biggest guy-crush on the Hufflepuff boy) and getting annoyed at Scorpius' insults.
No one spoke to her. Neither Albus or Scorpius humoured her with insults or question or tedious conversation. It was just as she wanted it. But the closer they got to Hogwarts the more restless people got and the more they became reminded of who Rose Weasley was and what she had done in the years previously. And the more she noticed the comments. The sixth-year girls started to chatter about her, whispering under their breaths quiet enough so it could be classed so but loud enough so Rose could hear them. They were in a small carriage after all.
It got under her skin though, the looks and laughter. She had learnt to ignore them and hold her head high for the most part, but there were still the moments where each comment made Rose feel like she was ready to break down, as if holding her head high in spite was no longer worth it and she should just give in and show them how weak they had made her. But she never did.
When they got to Hogwarts Rose did as she was supposed to, showing First Years where to go with other prefects. Once she had finished and ensured all the First Years were on the boats she got on a 'horseless' carriage along with a few of the other prefects and sat in blissful silence. The sorting ceremony was wearisome as always, monotonous clapping and clapping again at every First Year that got sorted in Gryffindor although Rose couldn't care less about them in that moment. She sat alone, trying to enjoy the sorting ceremony and ignore the whispers and looks that her 'peers' gave her. But it was hard.
Hogwarts was once as magical and wonderful as Rose had been told. Everything was interesting and everything was new, which to children between eleven and fourteen years of age was miraculous. She had friends and her family spoke to her happily and she was never alone as she walked down the corridors Rose had become accustomed to over the years. It didn't last long.
When Rose was in her third year she started dating Dylan Brown as a dare, but as the months past, she found herself actually liking the Hufflepuff boy. Cliche as it sounds, Rose and Dylan were an item for a year and in that year Rose was the happiest she had been in her years at Hogwarts. She might have loved him; she never told him although he had said those three words to her an abundance of times. She often thought maybe if she had said back, even if she didn't mean it completely at the time if things would be different.
Halfway into their fourth year Rose and Dylan became more distant. He claimed it was due to the amount of work and Rose never had any reason to doubt him.
"Quidditch requires so much time too and I wish I could take it from school work I can't. I have to pace myself which means I have to reduce my time with you, Rosie." He had explained, taking Rose's hand in his own and swinging it back and forth. Rose said she understood and that it was okay. Dylan had complimented her and said he loved her. Rose distracted him with a quick kiss and allowed Hufflepuff boy to go to Quidditch practice.
As it turned out 'Quidditch practice' was actually Caitlin Barne from Ravenclaw.
Rose had left the common room to go speak to Professor Longbottom - her godfather - about the Herbology essay he had set (and getting an extension on it to go see her family) when she stumbled upon the two of them.
"You know you're fourteen, right?" She had asked in reference to Dylan's hand which was up Caitlin's shirt and fondling her chest and Caitlin's hands which were fumbling with Dylan's trouser button. The two of them jumped apart and Dylan attempted to explain himself to Rose, but she merely rolled her eyes and punched him in the jaw.
It had hurt, Rose remembered. The pain shot through her arm and she cursed loudly, clutching her hand. It wasn't like it seemed in films where you punch someone and walked away feeling empowered. It hurt. Punching Dylan wasn't satisfying and it wasn't painless, physically or emotionally.
After that people were cautious of Rose, either remaining a few steps back in fear that she would punch them too or whispering gossip or warnings in the ears of whoever was close enough to them. She tried to ignore them, but it proved harder the first time. She cried frequently, cursing her decision to punch Dylan in that moment but never regretting it. She still maintained that it was one of the best things she had ever done.
After that Rose developed a reputation which had been misinterpreted. Rose had a few boyfriends after Dylan - Marcus Finnigan, Carl Defoe and Spencer Jefferies - and each one was worse than the one before.
Marcus Finnigan was a Gryffindor and was best friends with Dylan. He was kind at first, apologizing for how his friend treated her and voiced his disgust in cheaters. He was a sweet boy at first. It took almost three months before he was in the arms of Bethany Howell.
Carl Defoe was a blind-date that Lily Potter - Rose's cousin - had set up. He was Hufflepuff and one of the best Chasers Rose had ever seen. They went out for a few months before he cheated on her too with Louis, Rose's other cousin. In Louis defense, he did not know that Rose and Carl had gone out a couple times and immediately stopped going out with Carl.
Finally came Spencer Jefferies. Spencer was a Gryffindor and had an unhealthy obsession with 'The Breakfast Club', which was one of Rose's favourite films. However, he was compulsive and thought Rose belonged to him. He would shout at her for being late, would follow her when she was with her friends and cousins and would hold on to her wrist slightly too hard. She always downplayed the bruises to her brother and cousins. Spencer was the only other boy she punched.
Between the four of them, they made up many outrageous rumours about Rose. And, of course, the rumors spread to make a malicious reputation for Rose Weasley.
"Did you know she's into BDSM?"
"I heard she was gay."
"Apparently she also fucks for pay on the side."
"Did you know...?"
"Have you heard...?"
"Rose Weasley is..."
It was never-ending. Even two years later the rumors haunted Rose.
She shut herself out from everyone, her friends and family included. Some like Albus and Roxanne tried to speak to her, but Rose shrugged them off for the most part. She didn't speak to anyone unless it was required. But she held her head high and pretended as if the whispers and glances didn't bother even though each laugh cut through her skin and each set of eyes burnt her flesh.
"Welcome back for another wonderful year to those we know!" The familiar voice of Professor McGonagall distracted Rose from the melancholy memories that had invaded her mind once more. "And to all the First Years, I am Professor McGonagall, Headmistress here at Hogwarts, and before we begin the feast we have prepared for you today I have a few things I would like to go over. Firstly, the Forbidden Forest is still forbidden as the name suggest, so I would not recommend going in there if you feel like breaking the rules because we have still to find the swarm of Blast-Ended Skrewts that escaped in there at the end of last year." A few of the older students who remembered the disastrous Care of Magical Creatures lesson from the year previously laughed. Professor McGonagall went through a few more annual and mandatory announcements which Rose had heard so many times she could probably quote the familiar woman at the front of the Great Hall with ease. "Lastly, I would like to introduce you to your new Head Boy and Girl. Please rise Scorpius Malfoy and Rose Weasley."
With a sigh Rose stood up, meeting eyes with Scorpius across the tables and glaring at him, as the Great Hall exploded in whispers, each person who spoke questioning Professor McGonagall's motives in choosing Rose - the Gryffindor Whore - as their Head Girl. Once the hubbub and the annual feast was over Professor McGonagall gave a quick farewell before allowing everyone to go to their common rooms and get a good night sleep before the next day when lessons would begin.
"Could I speak to you for a moment, Miss Weasley?" Rose froze where she stood and watched Professor McGonagall with a curious expression. She beckoned for Rose to follow her away from the crowds of people that parted around them. With a shrug, the Gryffindor girl followed the Headmaster to the professor's table at the front of the room.
A few professors came over and congratulated Rose on becoming Head Girl. Neville Longbottom had given her a hug and ordered that she come see him for a real celebration at her earliest convenience, promising Professor McGonagall that everything they would be doing - binging on Honeyduke's sweets and coffee Rose assumed - was perfectly legal.
"How can I help you?" Rose put on a charming smile and shoving her hands into the pockets of her robes, worry building up within her at why Professor McGonagall wanted to speak to her.
"I just wanted to reassure you of something, Rose." She said simply, giving Rose a warm smile. "I know that there is going to be people who are not happy with my choice of Head Girl and I know why, but I don't believe what they say. I chose you because I know you the best for this job, Rose. Don't let anything think that you don't deserve it because you do. Okay?"
"Thank you, Professor." The older woman smiled at Rose, who pressed her lips together awkwardly. She placed a reassuring hand on Rose's shoulder.
"Don't let me down now, okay, Rose."
Rose nodded simply. "May I go now, Professor?"
With a single firm nod, Professor McGonagall allowed Rose to leave. She spun on her heel and quickly marched out of the Great Hall, head held deliberately high as she felt the interested gazes of her professors linger on her.
