I hate to see him like this, so broken. It's different from what he's usually like. He's always so strong so optimistic. But right now he looks like he's about to crumble like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. It scares me in a way he's always been my rock, my anchor. It's strange that these roles have been reversed. I'm going to be there for him, be strong for him.

There are so many people around him coming and going paying their respects. John hasn't cried once. I know he wants to. His heart is breaking, this is killing him. But he won't crumble, not until later. Not until we are alone.

I feel so out of place so nervous. Like I don't belong here, witch technically I wouldn't except for him. I belong whenever he is and he needs me here now. Despite my jitters I'm gonna be strong for him he needs that. I saw his mother already. Part of me is surprised she even came but I guess she needed to make an appearance. I've been here since she arrived she hasn't even hugged him yet. I would wonder how a mother could be so cold but I don't have to. I already know my mother was the same way. Instead I chose to just watch him. I love him. He looks at me now through the crowd. So much is written in those eyes pain, loss, sorrow. I hope as much is written in mine comfort, sympathy, love.

He wants me with him now I can tell, so I walk over to him. When I reach him he says nothing.

I say nothing.

I don't know what to say so I reach out and put my hand in his. It fits perfectly. I know that more then anything I could say this is what he needs, so I give it to him.

We look at each other knowing exactly what the other is thinking and that's enough.