Disclaimer: The usual stuff. I don't own 24 or it's characters, yadda, yadda, yadda…The title isn't original either. I took that from a Norah Jones' song. (I would provide the lyrics but I understand that I can't do that. I'm sure you can find them on line if you are interested.) Every time I hear the song it reminds me of Jack.
CARNIVAL TOWN(Title inspired by a Norah Jones song)
Chapter 1: Starting Over
Season 3, Day 1, 1:15pm
Jack and Chase were driving back to CTU when Jack's phone rang.
"This is Bauer." He answered.
"Jack, it's Chloe. I have Kate Warner for you. Should I put her through?"
"Ah… yeah, put her through." Jack heard himself say. He didn't want to talk to Kate right now. It was taking all of his concentration to drive and attempt to cover his withdrawal symptoms from Chase, something he wasn't doing very successfully. Kate was a distraction he didn't need at this moment. He just didn't know how to tell Chloe not to put the call through. If it were Michelle, or someone more tactful, he would ask them to make some excuse or tell Kate he would call her back later. But coming from Chloe, Jack knew it would sound like just that, an excuse.
"Jack?"
"Hi, Kate." He said so softly that it was almost imperceptible.
"I just wanted to let you know I found that leather jacket you thought you lost." Jack closed his eyes for a second when he heard her voice. He loved her so much. He hated hurting her like this.
"Oh… ah… Okay, great." Now that was a brilliant line, he thought.
"So … ah …What do you want to do? I could bring it over or send it." Kate was obviously having as much trouble finding words as he was.
"No, you don't have to do that. Look, I'll just send someone over to pick it up." He offered.
"You sure?" Kate asked. There was a long pause. That clearly wasn't the answer she wanted. It wasn't the answer he wanted to give her either. He wanted to say, I'll pick it up later. But he knew if he went to Kate's house, if he saw her again, that all of his resolve would crumble. He wanted to hold her and kiss her and look at her beautiful face. He wanted all of the pain to go away. He wanted the heroin addiction to be a bad dream and CTU to never exist. He wanted to forget Teri and Nina and the Salazars. God, he needed a fix.
"Yeah." Another brilliant answer.
"Ok then" was all Kate could come up with. For two intelligent people, they certainly had been reduced to some childish conversation.
"Kate," Jack paused. "How are you?" he asked with genuine concern in his voice. He never wanted to hurt her. Never. But causing her pain now would save her from a lifetime of grief that would come from a relationship with him, he told himself. Look what it did to Teri and how he had hurt Kim over the years.
"You know, it's hard." Kate paused looking for the right words to say. She finally said the only one's she could think of. "I miss you." She missed him more than she could possibly articulate. She had never loved anyone like she loved Jack. He was so different from other men. He was so intense in all aspects of his life. He immersed himself in whatever he was doing at any given minute. If he was at work, he was totally focused on the task at hand. If they were making dinner together, he was totally focused on cutting and stirring and cleaning up. If they were making love, he was totally focused on her. And although she knew that his leaving was not a rejection of her, but rather his own inability to separate his personal and professional lives, it didn't make her miss him any less.
"I'm really, really sorry." Was all Jack could say and he meant that with all of his heart. He only wished those words had the power to make Kate feel better, or even make himself feel better.
"Don't be." Kate said.
She was so understanding, he thought. How could she even suggest that he not be sorry? Shouldn't she be screaming at him? Shouldn't she hate him? Somehow he thought it might be easier if she would. Stop making me love you, he thought. "Take care of yourself, Kate." He hung up. There was nothing more to say.
Kate listened to the silence on the other end of the phone. She hadn't even really said goodbye. She put the phone back in her bag and walked the two blocks back to her office. As she walked past her secretary, Kate told her that she didn't want to be disturbed. This was going to be a wasted afternoon and Kate knew it. She dropped into her desk chair as if exhausted. She was exhausted, not physically, but mentally. She buried her head in her hands. Not to cry, as she had done so often in the five months since Jack left, but to think. It was time to start over; time to acknowledge that even if Jack did love her, as she knew he did, he didn't want a relationship with her and he wasn't coming back.
Kate raised her head as she heard a knock at the door. She didn't want to be disturbed, but she recognized the cadence of the knock immediately; it was her father. "Come in, Dad." She called.
Bob Warner opened the door about a foot and peeked in. "Need to talk?" he asked.
Kate smiled. She could always count on her Dad. He was all she had right now, all she could count on. She filled the same role in his life. They both wished they could somehow go back to the quiet family life they had lived for so many years. A time before Kate's mother died, before Marie got involved with terrorists. They had been such a happy family. Now Kate and her father clung to each other for support.
"Did you talk to Jack?" Bob Warner asked his daughter.
"Yeah, I told him I had his jacket. He said he would send someone to pick it up."
"That was it? So, you didn't tell him."
"Dad, Jack made it pretty clear that he didn't want to see me, didn't want anything to do with me. What was I supposed to say? 'By the way, Jack, I thought you might like to know that I'm five months pregnant with your child. Have a nice day.'"
"Kate, I never said this would be easy, but he deserves to know."
"Why? So he can feel guilty and come back. He doesn't want me, Dad" She was beginning to lose control. Tears were filling her eyes and she started stammering. She got up from her chair and began to pace. "I don't want him back out of some misguided sense of responsibility. I only want him back if he wants to have a relationship, a real relationship. This baby and I are not going to play second fiddle to CTU." She stroked her abdomen protectively. "I did that for two and a half years and it wasn't any fun. I gave him my heart and when he could find time for me, when he could fit me in, when there wasn't some national crisis that demanded the attention of the almighty Jack Bauer, he would suddenly remember that we had a relationship and act like I should drop everything for him."
Kate knew that this was in no way a fair characterization of their relationship. Jack had been very loving and attentive. His job was just so demanding and he allowed it to be. He wasn't like Tony, she thought, who could close the door and go home with Michelle and forget CTU. Even that wasn't totally true and she knew it. She told Michelle one day over lunch that she was afraid that Jack was seeing someone else. He was so distant and never home. Michelle smiled a knowing smile and took a long, slow drink from her margarita. Yes, Michelle said, Jack has a mistress, so does Tony and so does every man in their office. Her name is CTU and she is a very jealous and demanding mistress. You just have to get used to it. Kate knew Michelle and Tony had a difficult relationship. They obviously loved each other very much, but even Michelle admitted that they fought too much. They only argued over one thing: CTU. Michelle had thought about leaving the job, but she wasn't sure what she would do. She wanted to start her own computer business, but between start up costs and not making a real profit for a year or more, they simply could not make it on Tony's salary. Even as CTU director he wasn't making enough for them to continue living in the suburbs of LA. Besides, Tony wouldn't leave CTU and at least this way, she saw him at work, because he was rarely home.
Bob stood and walked over to Kate. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Any sense of responsibility that Jack would feel toward this baby is hardly misguided." He said gently. "Kate, things have changed since I was your age, but one thing hasn't changed: it took both of you to make this baby. Whether that was your intention or not, it happened and Jack needs to know. The baby deserves to know his or her father regardless of the role Jack plays in the child's life. Kate, I love you and I will stand by any decision that you make. But in this case, I think you are wrong." He kissed her forehead and turned to walk away.
"Dad," Kate said turning toward the window and the beautiful view of Los Angeles. "I've made another decision. You need someone to run the office in Seattle. I'd like the job."
"You want to run Seattle?" Bob said surprised at his daughter's revelation.
"I'm qualified for the job and you really don't have any candidates."
"Qualified? You're over-qualified. Kate, you're vice president of the company. Seattle is small potatoes. It's our smallest branch. You don't want to run the Seattle office, you want to run away."
"That's not fair, Dad. I'm not running away. I'm starting over and I can't do that in LA. Besides, I'll be able to work regular hours at that office, maybe even work some days from home. The job won't be as demanding as what I'm doing now. That will be better for me once the baby comes."
Bob sighed, resigned to the fact that none of this was going as he had planned and he really was powerless to change it. "If you want the job, it's yours. I'm going to miss you here."
Kate turned and walked toward her father. "Thanks, Dad." She said as she hugged him. Although she had done a good job of hiding the pregnancy under her clothes, he could feel that she was no longer the rail thin daughter he had hugged so many times. "Seattle's not that far. You can fly up to see me any time."
