If Only
"If only. Those must be the saddest two words in the world." –Mercedes Lackey
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.
He was Fire Lord Sozin. Father. Husband. Master Firebender. Rule of the Fire Nation for almost eighty years. He was the one who had started the war. He was the one who used the power of the comet to wipe out the Air Nomads. He was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people. He was a murderer.
Yet he had not always been that way….Once he had been a friend....
Once he had been a loving husband....
Once he had been a good man.
It was peculiar, he thought, to think such thoughts as he lay on his deathbed. Only a short while ago he had written his last testimony. His son Azulon, now a grown man, was the only one in the room now. He looked at his son's face. There was nothing but impatience and hate wanted him dead so then he could have the throne. Sozin did not blame him. He had raised him to be that way. And now…now he wished he had done it differently.
…As I feel my own life dimming, I can't help but think of a time when everything was so much brighter….
Memories of Roku flashed before his eyes, each like a bittersweet tear…He had been his best friend in the entire world…"And you let him die," the sinister voice within him taunted, "traitor…"
At that time, he had thought only of his plan. And the man he had just tried to help against the fury of a volcano…Roku, who had somehow still been his friend, even after what had passed between them all those all years ago between them…
He had let him die. Even when Roku had begged him for help…
Sozin winced at the memory. It was power. He had pursued it and in doing so, had lost himself. The young man within him cried in horror from what he had become. He had married for love and Azulon had been born the year he had started the war. She…she could not believe it…
She lay in the bed, only after having delivered their son a short time before. Golden eyes were heartbroken… "Who are you?" she had asked, "Where is the man I fell in love with?"
He had laughed. "Love is weak," he responded coldly, "I realized that long ago."
She had said nothing and then had gone with a single breath.
Regret was like a wave crashing over him now, over and over again. He…he hoped he would see her soon. To tell her how sorry he was. And he hoped to see Roku…Ta Min...
He had taken her husband from her. He wondered if all the people he had destroyed would be there to confront him. Fear also enticed him. Would he be punished for what he had done? He did not know…but he yearned for the possibility that he would find a way to have some sort of forgiveness. It was his entire fault. He had harmed innocents who had never done anything to him. He imagined hundreds of angry voices hurling accusations at him now.
But mostly, he thought of his wife and Roku. He missed them. With tired eyes he looked at his son who he had raised with little love. He had always been focused on the war and had ignored the child when he was young. Azulon had reminded him of his wife.
Azulon hated him all of his young heart. Sozin knew that the influence he had had with Azulon had created a power-hungry man just like he was. He had created himself all over again. "Azulon," he said weakly, "I'm…"
"You're what?" Azulon snarled with anger on his young face, "Sorry? Death has made you weak, father."
"Don't become me," he at last had the energy to say. He was so tired. The room seemed to spin around him, but all he could see was his son's vehement gaze.
Azulon only gave him a cold glare. "I am what you made me," he replied icily, "Father."
Sozin closed his eyes. Another sin he could not repair.
…It was his fault…
He was Fire Lord Sozin.
Murder. Father. Husband. Friend.
Sozin let out his last breath while a savage smile spread across Azulon's face. He would be a greater ruler then his father ever was. That much he was sure of. He would make the Fire Nation a true empire!
…He had been a good man once…
…Would they remember that when he came?....
…If only…those two singular words tormented him as he went…If only…
A/N: I posted this before but I made a few changes. There will be at least one more chapter for Azulon. I might do others for his children if encouraged too...(Please review to encourage me!) Thanks for reading.
