A/N: I own nothing at all. This is a sequel to my LokixClint, My Little Hawk. I sort of wanted to keep it dark, so it stays sort of unhappy and suffering.


Clipped


Loki's punishment is simple, so maddeningly simple that it is elegant. It is Thor who suggests the punishment, because he knows, above all, the god of mischief hates boredom. So Loki is confined to their father's castle, with at least two supervisors at all times. Odin himself will be with Loki most of the time, and Loki is ordered to attend every formal meeting, which, Thor knew, irks his adopted little brother the most. Both he and Odin warn the supervisors to never heed any word Loki utters, because Loki is the god of mischief, and no one is better at mind games than he is.

Thor returns to Midgard after that. He already has a dwelling at the Stark Tower – he is informed that it is now called the "Avengers Tower" and his floor is right below the hawk's, which suits him fine. The Avengers work seamlessly with one another after that, which is to be honest, to Thor's surprise. But he has long learned that humans are the best at adaptation. Even the things that come with knowing each other for a long amount of time come after about a year of working together.

Thor watches Clint. The only female in their group often expresses concern over him. There are moments after battle where Clint will not leave the shooting range, where he will stand still and shoot nothing, just stare into the target on the far end. Then other times he will indulge himself in the pool, taking dives that Thor is aware are too straining on the human lung. Worst of all, sometimes Clint will, out of nowhere, lose consciousness, shooting everyone to alarm. Once it has happened while he was on a mission, perched on top of a tall pole. It had been Iron Man who had caught Hawkeye from plummeting to his death.

Currently Clint is asleep in his bed, as still as death. He does not move or flinch during his sleep, and is pale. No one understands, and Thor will tell everyone that Loki has worked no magic. And it is not magic, he knows. He waits quietly until Clint wakes up. The moment he wakes up, Clint vomits all over the sheets, and Thor quietly holds him. It is in mere moments that Tony is at the door and running to Clint's side, pushing Thor out of the way and holding Clint.

There are no sounds except Clint's painful retching, and Tony manages to carry Clint to the bathroom where he vomits into the toilet. A muttered command brings machine arms down to pull the soiled sheets from the bed, but Thor for once does not pay heed to the machines and follows Tony to the bathroom. Clint is now dry-heaving into the toilet, and Tony mutters a string of colorful words before he mutters something that Thor cannot hear. But the machine arms drop down again and Tony apologizes before he slides the needle into Clint's arm, and in seconds Clint falls limp against him.

They do not speak until Clint is tucked into his fresh bed. Tony then turns to Thor, and Thor can read the fury in his coffee-colored eyes. "What the hell is wrong with him?" He says, his voice low. "It's been a fucking year and he still can't shake the nightmares."

Thor says nothing. Clint has nightmares, violent nightmares of his rape, Thor knows, but outside he is still. It is the worst, because none of them know when it hits until it hits. They look to Thor for answers, and look for him to fix it. Thor has never been good at fixing anything. He is usually the one breaking things, not fixing things. He is hesitant to reach toward Clint, because his hands are used to hurt, to break, not to mend and heal.

He hasn't told the others of Clint's rape. He has battled with himself for a year now, pondering if he should. Clint himself has told no one, and Thor knows Clint would prefer that he tell no one. Does he choose Clint's own well-being or his privacy? He doesn't even know if the two are mutually exclusive. This is why he would rather stay away from Clint, because he knows he's more likely to choose the wrong decision rather than the right one.

He is a warrior, meant to battle.

They all are fighters, in one way or another. Out of all of them Thor understands the star-spangled soldier the most. The two of them are warriors that dive courageously into melee battle. He understands the red-haired female as well, because she, too, is a woman of war. The scientist and the man in the armor are slightly less easy for him to understand. They will battle if necessary, but would rather not dive into the heat of it.

The hawk is the one he cannot understand the most. The hawk is never eager to go to battle, and he is never eager to hurt. He will dive into battle at the first call, but he is a silent, distant hunter. And one thing Thor has learned from fighting alongside Clint is that he will never kill unless necessary. It is the reason why he uses the bow and arrow instead of something deadlier.

It had been Natasha's first suggestion at what the humans call the hawk's post-traumatic stress disorder. Clint has blackouts because he is severely stressed, and one of the reasons is because he had been forced to commit murder of tens of people, all dead at the tip of his arrow.

Thor believes it. Killing is never glorious. He himself has long seen the error of his ways and knows that no one should ever have the right to pass judgment on the life of another sentient being. But they do not know that it is all.

Tony does not leave, and is waiting for an answer. He has been, since Thor fell silent into his own thoughts. He neither pushes Thor for answer nor pulls away without one. The message is clear: Thor is allowed to organize his thoughts, but Tony demands an answer. Thor chooses his words carefully. "It's not Loki's magic." He says softly. "Loki no longer holds magical claim or mental claim over him."

Tony's gaze does not waver. "You forgot physical." Thor does not answer, and Tony hisses lightly. "How can he have physical claim over Clint if there's no more magic left in him?" Tony's arms come up to grab at the neck of Thor's garments, something Thor has learned MIdgardians do in anger. "Damn it, Thor. I don't care if Loki's your brother. Clint is a friend, someone that matters to all of us. You tell us what you know, stop protecting your fucking brother. We can't do anything to him anyway from here on Earth, so whatever it is that you know, spill now, and maybe I'll forgive you for holding it in for a year."

Thor says nothing. Tony's anger is understandable, but he still does not know how to make the right decision. He speaks carefully again. "It is not for Loki's sake that I withhold this information from you." He says softly. "It is Clint's, and I have no right to speak of it unless he permits it. Loki made it aware to me so I would suffer with the information, to have it and yet not understand what to do with it." Tony lets his collar go, and Thor shakes his head sadly. "It is not my place to say."

Tony looks furious, but he sits down by Clint's bed and shoots Thor a glare. Thor is thankful that the glare isn't fully aggressive. Tony is an intelligent Midgardian, Thor is aware, and he may already have an idea of what happened to Clint. Either way, Thor does not make a decision, because he does not know which one is the best. However, he does understand that not making a decision is also a decision, and hopes that somehow that he is doing the best he can do.

Clint wakes exactly 8 hours later. Tony is still at his side, and others have come and gone. Thor hasn't moved from his standing position either. Clint sees Thor, then sees Tony's expression, and sits up with an expression that Thor cannot read. "Spill." Tony orders, his voice smooth and quiet but demanding. "I want to know what you have nightmares about."

Clint doesn't answer, but Tony isn't one to back away either, and Thor just watches as Clint stares blankly on ahead. There is tension building up in the room, thick enough that Thor thinks if he swings his Mjolnir, it will actually break something physical. Tony hasn't moved from his seat, and Clint has not moved since he roused.

It leaves Thor time to think, and Thor considers birds. He is aware that birds are a symbol of freedom and dreams for mankind. They possess the one ability that mankind has wanted ever since its creation, but have not been able to harness. The power of flight awes and inspires humans, and so birds are mystical creatures to Midgardians. They are symbols of everything. There is a reason why one of Earth's most powerful countries chooses an eagle as its symbol. There is a reason why the white dove is a carrier for peace. There is a reason why the black raven is an omen of death.

The hawk is a powerful predator. It knows no fear, feels no threat. It is the epitome of freedom and pride and strength and honor. Thor thinks that there is no other Midgardian more worthy of its namesake than the man sitting in the bed near him. Even in his ill state, Clint is a proud, strong man.

Thor understands why Loki is obsessed with owning the hawk. Loki is sadistic, incredibly so, and Thor has no doubts that seeing the hawk held and clipped against his will, stripping him of everything that defines him excites Loki. Loki has clipped the hawk's wings.

He must have spoken out loud, because Tony glares at him. "Clipped wings aren't permanent, Clint." He grits out. "Bird feathers grow back. They grow new feathers. So why aren't you healing? Why won't you just tell me what's wrong so we can help you?"

There is silence again, and Clint lifts his gaze. Thor has never noticed the hawk's eye color before, but it is a brilliant mix of green and blue and gray. Clint's eyes do not leave Thor as he speaks softly. "Clipped wings, huh?" Clint chuckles, but the sound is humorless, almost frigid. "Clipped wings do heal." He continues. "Have you heard of pinioning, Tony? Thor?" It is a word unfamiliar to Thor. Apparently Tony has never heard of it as well, because he frowns and shakes his head. "It's when people perform surgery on birds. They take out a piece of a flight bone so the bird is permanently landlocked."

Thor stares. He is aware that some humans are cruel, malevolent, but this news sickens him to the core. Tony looks disgusted as well and Clint ignores them to stand. He continues to talk softly, and Thor is suddenly aware that the truth is going to be laid out into the open. "He raped me, Tony. Over, and over again, and I was trapped in my own head and unable to resist." Clint says, and his voice sounds broken, shattered, and nothing like the strong assassin Thor has known. Tony is frozen in his seat. "Will you help me heal?"