Chapter 1 – Stray Bullet
Lee had yelled at Amanda to get back in the car as bullets flew all around them. Amanda watched in the side mirror as Lee made his way along the side of the car. She lost sight of him in the rearview mirror as he crouched near the rear bumper. She heard the sound of breaking glass and a split second later she saw the bullet. She was helpless and could do nothing to stop it. She didn't even have time to scream as the bullet burrowed a hot stinging path through her chest. Her last thought before she lost consciousness was to marvel at how her blood misted as the bullet impacted her body.
Lee made his way around the car and crouched near the rear bumper, unaware that a bullet had gone through the windshield and hit Amanda in the chest. When the shooting stopped, Lee carefully rose from his crouched position and stealthily made his way to the driver's side door. He lifted the handle to open the door and stuck his head inside to check on Amanda.
What he saw would stay with him the rest of his life. "Oh, my God!" he exclaimed, as he saw the bullet hole in the windshield and followed its path to Amanda. She sat in the car seat, blood slowly spreading over her sweater from a bullet wound just over her left breast. Her face was turned away from him and one hand rested on her lap. At first he thought she was dead; she was so still.
He reached to touch her neck to see if he could find a pulse. A sigh of relief escaped his lips as her carotid pulsed under his fingertips, rapid and thready, but there. He could also see the shallow rise and fall of her chest as she struggled for breath. She was still alive, barely so, but alive none the less. He could find nothing to pack the wound, so he put pressure on it with his bare hands. For the moment, caught in the struggle between life and death, he could do nothing else and for his Amanda, his wife, he could do no less.
He yelled at shocked passersby to call an ambulance. When it came, Lee was still applying pressure to the wound. He sat astride Amanda's body and he had reclined the seat as far back as it would go. "I'm here, Amanda. I'm here. You're going to be okay. Stay with me. Stay here with me," he said over and over in a whispery broken voice.
He got out of the car and watched as the paramedics tended to her wound, started an IV and put an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. They lifted her to the stretcher and put her in the ambulance for transport. Lee jumped in and sat next to Amanda. He held her hand and moved a stray hair from her forehead, as he said with a quirky smile, "This is beginning to be a habit." She had ridden in an ambulance once before, when she had been injected with a powerful truth serum. Halfway to the hospital after she had been given a neutralizer, she had awakened, smiled at him, mumbled something about Portofino and gone back to sleep. This time, as Lee watched her face for any sign of consciousness, she was completely still.
When the ambulance got to the hospital, Amanda was rushed into surgery and Lee was relegated to the waiting room. A police officer came to the hospital and took Lee's statement. Apparently, the shooting had occurred over salvage rights to an old Spanish galleon named La Bodega sunk off the coast of California near Las Palmas, but they had no other leads at the moment. If it took him the rest of his life, Lee would find who had done this and make him pay in blood.
After what seemed like forever, a nurse came to take Lee to see the doctor. Lee asked about Amanda, but all the nurse would say was to follow her. Lee encountered the doctor just as he was coming out of Amanda's room. Lee wanted desperately to get to Amanda, but the doctor blocked his way.
"Mr. Stetson," the doctor began. "I'm Dr. Neelly. She's out of surgery, but I'm not going to kid you. We still have a long way to go."
Lee asked tightly, "She is going to be all right, isn't she?"
"The next 48 hours will be crucial. It's a miracle she's alive. The bullet went through her chest. A fraction of an inch either way or she wouldn't have had a chance."
Lee set his jaw against the pain the doctor's words had caused and asked, "When can I see her?"
"It's going to take awhile, later this evening maybe," Dr. Neelly said. "Go back to where you are staying. Rest, get cleaned up and have something to eat. Leave your number. We will call you with any change in her condition. Please, Mr. Stetson."
Lee reluctantly agreed and walked away, a pained sadness in his eyes so deep as to be almost abysmal. She's alive. That's something, he thought.
He knew he would have to buck up his courage to make an important phone call. He had to let Amanda's mother know what had happened. He found a pay phone, dropped in the coins and sighed deeply before he began to dial.
"Hello, Mrs. West. Yeah, it's Lee. Uh… well, I'm afraid I'm not doing so well right now," Lee said tightly and swallowed before he continued. "It's Amanda. There's been an accident. Yes, you can be on the next plane. Yes, Las Palmas Community Hospital, Room 345C. I'll be waiting. I'll see you when you get here."
Later, Lee called Billy and Francine from where he was staying. As he waited for the phone to be answered, Lee stared fixedly at Amanda's luggage sitting next to the bed, still waiting to be unpacked. "I flew out here the minute I heard, Billy," Lee said, trying hard to maintain the cover that he and Amanda had concocted to keep their marriage under wraps.
"I'm certainly glad her mother was able to locate you," Billy said.
"Yeah, she was very upset and with good reason," Lee continued.
Francine broke her silence. "Lee, she's strong. She'll be fine."
"You bet she is. Keep your fingers crossed, huh," Lee said with a slight catch in his voice and hung up the phone.
He walked like a man half dead to the couch and sat down heavily. As he played with the simple gold band on his left hand, all he could think about was his Amanda, his wife, the love of his life in that hospital bed fighting for her life. He buried his head in his hands and suddenly the tragedy of the past several hours caught up with him. He took a deep breath and let the tears come. If he did his crying now, did his hurting in private, then maybe it wouldn't sneak up on him at some crucial moment and it would be easier to put on a brave face for Amanda's mother.
Was this how Amanda had felt those many times she had stubbornly kept vigil over him when it had been him in that hospital bed? Or what about the time she had thought he had died and Billy had made her attend his fake funeral? He knew now for certain that he had handled that all wrong and those situations only went to show how much she cared for him even then. If they ever made it through this, he promised that he would make it up to her somehow.
Later that day, he was allowed to see Amanda briefly. He sat next to the bed, staring with sad eyes into the clear plastic of the oxygen tent, where Amanda lay so pale and still. It frustrated him that he was unable to touch her. The only signs of life were the beeping of the heart monitor and the slow rise and fall of her chest as she breathed.
Dotty came in as Lee sat there, a look of shock on her face as she took in her daughter's condition. "Oh, my God!" she exclaimed.
Lost in memories and misery, Lee hadn't heard her come into the room, but turned at her words. He stood and moved to stand beside her. He put his arm around her shoulders and said, "She's stable, but still in critical condition. All we can do is wait," Lee told her in a tight voice.
"She's gonna be fine. She's gonna be absolutely fine," Dotty closed her eyes and said with certainty. Then she turned to Lee and said, "Lee, I have never seen her give up on anything that was important and she's not gonna give up now. My God, what happened? Why? Who did this? It doesn't make any sense."
Lee blinked at her words, remembering other times that Amanda had refused to give up on him, sometimes to the point of almost compromising his cover. Once he was a disgruntled burnout and Amanda had tried valiantly to encourage him and calm him down. Another time he was an agent lured by big money to become an arms dealer and Amanda would not stop trying to get him to come back to the Agency. Apparently, even when they had not been partners for very long, he had been important to her.
After one last long look at Amanda, Lee guided Dotty from the room and quietly closed the door. He said, "C'mon, I'll tell you everything I know. All right?"
Lee returned to the hospital that evening and as he got off the elevator, a code blue sounded over the PA system. The crash cart was rushed to 345C. That was Amanda's hospital room.
Dotty appeared after the doctor. She grabbed his arm in a vise like grip and said, "Lee, it's Amanda!"
Lee stood in the doorway and saw the flat line on the heart monitor, just before the doctor pushed him out into the hallway and closed the door.
What seemed like hours later, Lee and Dotty sat in the waiting room, when the doctor came to talk to them. They rose and stood shoulder to shoulder as Dr. Neelly made his pronouncement.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Stetson. We did all we could, but we lost her. You will be allowed to see her before we take her downstairs."
Lee caught Dotty as her knees gave out and helped her to sit on the couch. Lee dropped down beside her and took her in his arms. He held her while she keened like a wounded animal.
"My daughter. My only child," she wailed. "Lee, what are we going to do? How… how am I going to tell the boys?"
Lee had to swallow down the lump in his throat before he could speak. "We'll do it together, Mrs. West. Amanda would want it that way," Lee said in a choked voice.
"Why would you want to be a party to any of this? Why would she want you to be?" Dotty asked.
"There's something I need to tell you and you must tell no one else. Promise me," Lee said. Dotty looked at him with suspicion for a moment before nodding her agreement.
"Amanda and I got married on Friday. We were on our honeymoon, when this happened," Lee explained, his voice breaking on the last few words.
"I had a hunch something was going on between you two, something more than just dating," Dotty said, as she stared at her hands in her lap. "Why all the secrecy? Why would you need to do that?"
"It has to do with the nature of our work. I can't go into specifics, but it was important that we didn't appear to be romantically involved. Hopefully, someday I'll be allowed to explain it to you," Lee said.
"That's so sad," said Dotty as she shook her head and sobbed even harder. "She was just starting out on her new life with you only to lose that life to a stray bullet."
"She was a very special woman. She was the love of my life and I hope I was the love of hers," Lee said, his voice choked and breaking.
"I know Amanda. You had to be," said Dotty, taking Lee's hand and patting it. "Otherwise, she would not have said yes to your proposal of marriage. Those three little words were so important to her. She once told me that to say you love someone when you don't feel it in your heart; it is a lie. If she said those three little words to you, I can assure you she meant it to the very depths of her heart and soul."
Just then, a nurse appeared in the waiting room and said, "We're ready for you now."
Lee and Dotty stood in the doorway of Amanda's hospital room. Amanda lay on the bed, only her head and shoulders visible. Her body was covered to just above her breasts with a white sheet and the bandage that patched her bullet wound peeked just above the sheet. The oxygen tent and all the tubes and leads had been removed. The incessant beeping of the heart monitor was noticeably absent. If Lee hadn't known any better he would have believed Amanda was asleep. A few times he had watched her sleep so still after being terribly exhausted, her face relaxed and at peace, as it was now.
Dotty hung back, as Lee came to stand next to the bed. He reached to run the backs of his fingers over her cool smooth cheek and he tucked a lock of stray hair behind her ear as he spoke. "It's just not going to be the same without you here with me. You taught me so much about life and love. You were my partner for so long and then the love of my life. I know I lost my heart to you the first time I looked into your eyes. Losing you is like losing my right arm. Be at peace, Amanda and know that your family will be cared for and protected as I promised to do when I married you. I don't know if I can do this without you, I love you so much," Lee choked out, his voice finally breaking on the last few words, for a moment making it impossible to breathe or to speak. He kissed her on the forehead and turned to Dotty with tears in his eyes.
Dotty came forward and hugged Lee fiercely. Lee turned and walked out of the room and down the hall to the waiting room. He did not want to intrude on such an intimate moment between a mother and her only daughter.
He knew he would have to call Billy and arrange to have Amanda's body sent back to Arlington for burial. Might as well get it over with while he was still lucid enough to form a complete sentence. He went to find a pay phone. He took a deep breath before he deposited the coins and began to dial. As the phone rang, Lee thought about what he had to tell Billy.
"Melrose here."
"Billy, it's Lee."
"How's Amanda?" Billy asked.
"That's what I called to tell you. Amanda died about an hour ago," Lee said, his voice cracking.
"Oh, Lee. I'm so sorry. Are you all right? Is there anything I can do?" Billy said.
"I'm okay for now. Amanda's mother is a mess. I'm doing what I can for her. I need to arrange to have Amanda brought home for burial," Lee choked out through the lump in his throat. For some reason he could not seem to bring himself to say the word "body."
Apparently, just then Francine came into the room. Billy covered the receiver for a moment and then Lee could hear Francine crying in the background, "Oh no! Oh, my God! Is Lee all right?"
"Lee, I'll do everything I can from this end. Have them contact me when her body is released for burial and I'll make all the arrangements to bring Amanda's body back to Arlington," Billy said.
"I have to get back to Amanda's mother. I'll call you later to make further arrangements," Lee said and hung up the phone. As he turned, he saw Dotty, a pale and bereft shadow, come down the hallway.
Lee grasped her upper arm to keep her from falling. "That made… it all… too real," she choked out, as tears ran down her face unchecked. "She was my daughter… my only child… and now… she's gone."
"I know, Mrs. West. I know," Lee croaked. "Nothing else we can do here. When was the last time you ate?"
Dotty took a deep breath and let it out. It went a long way toward steadying her. She answered, "I don't know. Shouldn't I be asking you that?"
"I guess Amanda did teach me a few things," Lee said, with a quick but sad smile.
After making sure that Dotty was given the opportunity to eat, though both of them just picked at their food, Lee parted ways with her and reluctantly went back to his hotel.
That night in his hotel room, Lee sat on the bed, his mind and body once again awash with pain. What was it Lee had told Amanda about learning to not mind the pain? He seemed to be doing a pretty poor job of it at the moment. Lee caught sight of Amanda's luggage and it made his chest hurt and his throat tight. He put it in the bathroom, so that he wouldn't have to look at it.
He tried to get some rest, but he tossed and turned and sleep just would not come. Finally, he dropped off to sleep from sheer exhaustion.
Lee was at Amanda's funeral. He held a bouquet of red roses in his hand. Dotty, Joe and the boys stood nearby looking at the casket as it was readied to be lowered into the ground. Billy and Francine were nearby as well.
Lee moved forward as though to place the roses on top of the casket, but he stopped and watched as the casket lid opened slowly. Amanda's eyes opened and they sparkled with love, happiness and excitement. She sat up and as Lee stood there she reached to touch his forehead and smooth back his hair, as she had done a hundred times before.
She leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "I love you, Lee. I trust you with my family and I know you will take good care of them. Don't be sad for me. I'll be happy and at peace where I'm going." She kissed his cheek and slowly lay back down. She closed her eyes and the casket lid slowly closed.
Then the casket was lowered into the grave. Lee threw himself onto the ground and reached toward the sinking casket. Billy came to pull him away from the edge of the grave. He struggled and threw himself back to the ground and reached toward the sinking casket again.
"Don't leave me, Amanda. I can't do this without you," he sobbed.
Lee sat up, panting and sweating as though he had just run a mile. He touched his face and it was wet with his tears. He looked around disoriented for a few moments. He was in his hotel room and the clock read 3:48 am. He got up to have a glass of water and splash some on his face. He looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and thought that he had aged a decade in the past few days.
He wished he had something stronger to drink, but he knew it would do him no good. It would only dull his senses and kill the ache of loss only for a little while.
LSAKLSAKLSAK
A few days later, after Amanda's body had been released, Lee and Dotty flew home together and Amanda's body was on an earlier flight. The flight from one coast to the other seemed to take forever. The packet containing Amanda's personal affects was in Lee's carryon. He had her treasured diamond heart necklace and their wedding rings in a special velvet pouch in his pocket. Every once in awhile he would put his hand in his pocket and feel it there and he would feel a stabbing pain in his chest. After a few moments it would subside to the dull ache he had felt since hearing that his beloved Amanda was dead.
Dulles was crowded when Lee and Dotty's plane landed. Lee had hoped that the casket containing Amanda's body would be waiting for him when he got there. No such luck. The freight log showed that someone from the funeral home had signed for it, but the signature was illegible. Lee was angry and disappointed.
He found a pay phone and called Billy. Billy said that the funeral home had assured him that they would take charge of the body as soon as it landed at Dulles. Next, he called the funeral home and they had no record of receiving a body from Dulles that day or any other in the last two weeks.
Lee hung up the phone and ran his fingers through his hair. "Where can she be?"
Dotty could see Lee as she stood near the baggage claim several minutes later. She could tell something was very wrong. She walked toward him and asked, "Lee, is everything all right?"
Lee looked at her and said, "Something went wrong. Someone from the funeral home signed for Amanda's body, but the funeral home has no record of receiving it. No one seems to know where she is."
Lee sat on the edge of the baggage carousel and held his head in his hands. Dotty put her hand on his shoulder until Lee drew in a deep breath and raised his head.
"What are we going to do?" she asked.
Lee shook his head and said, "I don't know, but right now we need to get home to the boys and tell them what happened." Dotty said that Amanda's Wagoneer was at the airport. They found it and loaded their luggage into the back as quickly as possible.
When they pulled up in front of Amanda's house, it had seemed years since Lee had last seen it, though it had been no more than a week and a half. Phillip and Jamie would still be in school, so the house was empty for now. Lee unloaded Dotty's luggage and carried it into the house for her. Neither of them felt like eating anything, so Dotty made coffee. They sat together on the couch in the den and drank it. Everywhere he looked, Lee saw Amanda. This was her home, the place she had felt safest and most comfortable, with the exception of perhaps Lee's arms.
When the boys got home, Joe was with them. He had been taking care of them since Dotty had had to make her dash to California. Lee had them all sit down in the den.
Before Joe sat down, he asked the first question, "Where's Amanda? Is she okay?"
Lee touched him on the shoulder and said, "That's what we want to talk to you about, Joe. Please sit down and we will answer all of your questions."
"You sound like you're from the government," he said and reluctantly took a seat.
Lee took a deep breath and began, "While we were on a film assignment scouting locations in Las Palmas, California, we got caught in some crossfire and Amanda got shot. She later died from her injuries." He turned to Joe and met his eyes. "I'm sorry, Joe. Amanda's dead." Joe grabbed the boys in headlocks and rocked with them, as tears streamed down his face.
"Mom's dead?" Jamie asked and struggled to be free of his Dad's arm. "Why didn't you help her?" he screeched and came at Lee. Lee braced for the impact, but did nothing to defend himself against the blows of Jamie's fists on his chest. After a moment or two, Lee grabbed Jamie's wrists to gently restrain him.
"I did everything I could. The hospital did everything they could. It just wasn't enough," Lee choked out. Lee released Jamie's hands and he buried his head in Lee's chest and began to sob. Lee wrapped his arms around him and stroked the back of his head, while he let him cry.
Phillip wriggled loose as well and stood stoically next to his Dad's chair with his hand on his Dad's shoulder. His breathing was rapid, but he had yet to shed a tear. Dotty came over to Phillip and enveloped him in her embrace. "I'm not a baby," he whispered so that only Dotty would hear. "I know," she said, just as quietly. "But this is something your mother would have wanted me to do."
Joe looked up and asked, "Will there be a funeral?"
Lee said, "I don't know. We can't seem to find Amanda's body. The casket was flown to Dulles and was supposed to arrive on an earlier flight than ours. The freight log says it was signed for by someone from the funeral home, but the funeral home has no record of receiving it."
Joe said, "I have a few contacts. Let me make a few phone calls. We will get to the bottom of this."
