One

Fern's P.O.V


You know those days where you expect perfect relaxation? Like just a day in your pajamas, looking gross and watching Game of Thrones while you pig out on the most unhealthy foods and feel bad about it for the next month?

This was supposed to be my Perfect Relaxation day. Spent alone in my apartment, ignoring that feeling of loneliness as I watched How I Met Your Mother and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air while eating a family bucket of KFC chicken on my own and chugged a slurpee.

Certain assholes, however won't allow me to do such a thing. I glared at my cell phone, knowing perfectly well that Nicki Minaj's Stupid Hoe, meant Coulson. And Coulson calling would just mean I had to go to work.

I decided that turning myself into a burrito would be a better way to deal with such a thing and curled up in my duvet.

"Fern," chided Phil's voice over the phone, "I know you're awake."

I ignored the asshole and buried my face into the pillow. Praying he'll just hang up and get another agent to do his bidding.

"I need you to do an assignment," he said, "It's not that difficult and It'd kind of be a vacation."

"I highly fucking doubt that." I grumbled, glaring at the phone.

"You'd be supervising the Avengers, keeping them in line while we rebuild Shield." explained Coulson.

I snatched the phone and pressed answer, "You want me to babysit a bunch of grown fucking adults?" I seethed.

"Knew you were awake." muttered Coulson, "And it's not babysitting, you'd be supervising-"

"It's glorified babysitting, Phil." I hissed, "This is supposed to be my day off, I mean you promised, man."

"I know, I promised, but if you do this you're basically getting a few months off work?" he reasoned.

"I don't want a few months off work," I, admittedly, whined, "I want today off work."

Coulson audibly sighed and I curled into my bed deeper. As if the bed would form jaws and eat me whole, taking me to a new world where I could avoid responsibilities. Which was annoyingly enough, just one of my fantasies.

"Fern, I really need you to do this assignment." said Phil gently, "I'll make it up to you."

I pushed my phone away, listening to the man I idolized as my older brother. "Get Hill to do it, at least she knows them."

"You're the only person I know who can properly handle the entire team." he encouraged.

"No. You know plenty of agents who are perfectly capable." I retorted, damn man thought I was stupid enough to buy into this?

"I do know plenty of agents who're perfectly capable. But you're the only one of them I actually trust." he stated, "Come on, glorified babysitting, right? how hard can it be?"

"One of them's a god." I reminded him, "I'm not trained to babysit a god. Or a genetically engineered super soldier, or geniuses, or assassins." I felt my chest seize up, like someone was grabbing my lungs and squeezing them. It was stupid and I should have been able to jump right into this but I couldn't.

"Hey, it'll be just fine." he coaxed and I heard a gunshot in the background, "You know just as well as I do you'll be the best at what you do. As you usually are."

"What if I fuck it up?" I muttered.

"Then you fuck it up." he said, "No biggie, you're really just getting a free place to stay and a chance to make Tony Stark act like a functioning human being."

"I highly doubt that." I laughed, "I own Ninety seven books and I cry when I pass kennels. I'm not even a fully functioning human being, I'm like, a fourth of a functioning human being."

"Well, Tony Stark's a sixteenth of a functioning human being." chuckled Phil, another gun shot, "So. Will you do it?"

I rolled my eyes, "You owe me. Big time."

"I'll put it on your Christmas list." I could hear the bastards grin, "Go to Stark towers at four. Shield's e-mailed both Stark and Potts. You have to be moved in by the end of the week."

"Bro, it's Thursday." I said, "You're giving me three days to move out?"

"You should start hurrying." he retorted.

"You should keep your job because you'd be a shitty landlord." I snapped before hanging up.

I laid in bed for another twenty minutes before realizing it was 2: 30 and I had to get up so I could shower before I met a bunch of Richie Rich's. I half an hour showering, doing my hair and makeup and getting dressed. I decided to skip breakfast and just made myself a tea before I headed to Stark tower.

My day of Perfect Relaxation had been ruined, horribly ruined. Not a single episode of Orange is the New Black. Which meant someone had to pay for the fact that had totally ruined my day.


Hey, I hope you liked the first chapter. I'm hoping to post a chapter next week at some point. Please Review, favourite whatever you do with this stuff. Please, if you have any critique, leave it behind, I'd legitimately love to hear it.

Thanks for bothering,

PillowBacon.