Authors' Note: NOT SWITZERLAND X LIECHTENSTEIN! This is a collaborative story 'tween me, homosexual undertones, and my sister, DefineSugar. There is no connection between the title and the writers' predicament.

Switzerland is Vash.
Liechtenstein is Lili.
Germany is Ludwig.
Prussia is Gilbert.


There was rain. All day, all night. All he could see. Think of. Breathe. And he had been traveling for days in it. Guuuuooowl. Vash Zwingli spared a glance at his sister.

"Are you hungry, Lili?" he asked.

"I- I didn't want to disturb you, Big Brother," she shivered, "You looked peaceful riding like that…"

Vash tsked and shook his head. "You need to tell me these things! Especially since you know you're your weakest on days like this. We'll stop at the next place we can for shelter to rest and eat up."

The young girl smiled in response. "Okay."

They got off their two rather hungry looking donkeys, one of which was in fact a light shade of pink, and went into the inn, leaving the donkeys in the pouring rain tied to a fence. Upon opening the door, the two found it was not the type of inn they had been expecting. It was dark, lit only by a handful of candles. In one corner of the half-filled room there was a stage with a young man and a girl performing. The girl's song was loud and out of tune, but the harp being played by the boy was beautiful. Vash thought to himself, if only I could play like that, everyone would love me. They would stop and listen and pay attention to me. What am I thinking? I don't need that kind of attention, I have my Lili!

"Let's go find the innkeeper and get us a room. Also, I'll get you some food right away." Just as he took a step toward the counter, Vash saw a flash outside. Lucky, he thought to himself, we made it just in time.

"Excuse-,"

A wheezing cough interrupted the almost-speaker, a young man with a timid demeanor who looked out of place. "Brother -ACK- can we get a room now?" Vash almost jerked around to a soft, familiar voice when he heard his sister and moved to her side.

"C'mon, we need to get you to bed. I'll bring some food to you." The caring brother steered his sister away from the duo on stage to a professional-looking person.

"Excuse me, but do you know where I can find the innkeeper?" Vash half smiled and held his sister a little tighter. "My sister and I need a room." The man nodded and pointed to a woman in the corner. She looked to be about fifty two, judging by her gray streaks and wrinkles. She was a scary woman, large with tiny, squinty eyes and yellow, crooked teeth. Well, what was left of them.

"May we please have a room for two?" Vash asked her, trying his hardest not to appear scared. They can smell fear. He pushed his sister behind him a bit as the rather unhealthy looking innkeeper answered him.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here. Two young 'ins here on a dark and stormy night? What might y'all be doing around this part of the woods?" Her gravelly voice made Vash's eye twitch and he noticed a small glob of spittle fly from her mouth an impressive distance to the nearest customer's mug of beer. The man didn't appear to notice, however, for he took a large gulp right at that moment. Vash couldn't help but wince in disgust.

Realizing he hadn't answered her, he said, "We were just traveling over these mountains to a town in the east to visit a friend of mine. He, uh, he… He…" Vash lost his train of thought as he watched the woman plunge her pinky finger into her cavernous nose.

Lili, noticing her brother's sudden lack of intelligence, tried to help him out. "He works in a sawmill factory and promised to make me a special gift," The girl smiled at her improv. She certainly wasn't going to tell this woman the truth. "Um, for my birthday," she added. Wow, she thought, I almost sounded as good as Elizaveta there! Lili giggled, as silently as she could, and glanced at Brother. He looked dumbstruck.

Vash smiled to himself, proud of his little sister's quick thinking. He failed once again at conceiving a coherent thought as the woman flicked her pudgy finger in a random direction. He was mildly impressed by her skill at flinging small projectiles. That thought was swept out of his mind when the snot made it all the way over to the stage, somehow managing to land directly in the singing girl's ear. This woman made him think twice about staying there for the night, but they really had no other options. Unless he wanted to stay outside in the rain, huddled under a tree. No, never again. I won't put her through that again.

"Oh, how old are you girly? You look to be 'bout my sonny's age. He-" She was interrupted by a very drunk looking man who was apparently the innkeeper's husband.

"Huh-huhnaaay. Kud yah git meh some more aaaale?" He sloshed his half-empty cup at his wife and hummed off tune.

"NO YAH GODDANG ALCOHOLIC! GET OUTTA MAH SIGHT!" The innkeeper violently pushed the drunk and he stumbled into a beefy man.

"Anyway, loves, I got ya'll a room. It's the last one we have left. Bottom floor, last on the left. Room RWMLK. One bed. Wink, wink." She dug around in her monster of an apron pouch and tossed a grubby key in the air.

Barely catching the key and barely containing a look of disgust, Vash muttered a thanks and guided his sister down the hall.

"That woman creeped me out, Brother."

"She did more than creep me out…"

The siblings gagged in unison. Vash led his sister down the hall to their room as he heard the telltale smashing sounds of a bar fight.

It was difficult fitting the slightly sticky key into the rusted lock, but somehow he managed it within a few seconds, hurrying to get Lili out of danger. He shut the door and locked both bolts and the chain, just to be extra sure. This place gives me a bad feeling.

"Gosh dangit!" he cursed as he realized he forgot the food. He was seriously considering skipping it after seeing the standards of the innkeeper, but quickly decided he would do whatever he had to do to get his precious little sister the food she so desperately needed.

"Big Brother, what are you doing? Don't go out there! It's dangerous!" Lili said, physically holding back another hacking cough. She must be getting worse, he thought.

"I have to. I'll be right back. Stay here and lock the door after me. Don't open it until you hear my voice. Got it?"

"I want to go with you, Big Brother, please, don't go alone."

"I have to, but I'll be quick, I promise." He slipped out the door before she could protest and immediately bumped into the very same beefy man who he assumed started the bar fight.

"Ouch." Looking up from his sudden seat on the ground, Vash saw an inhumanly beautiful face. He briefly thought the man's eyes were too pretty - their color like the sky sometimes was after it snowed in the Alps - but was distracted by the hair. His hair was blond, similar to Vash's and Lili's, but was paler and more yellow. It was also slicked back in that fashion that Vash thought was oh-so-delicious. He took a breath, ragged and slow, and wondered who in the name of snow was this man.

"Hello? Hellooo, what are you doing on the floor? And why are you not answering me?"

Vash could do little more than breathe and blink up at the man. While he was stunned, the man reached down to lift him up, grabbing his arm none too gently and hoisting him up. Vash still just stood next to this unlawfully gorgeous man, taking in all he could before insignificant little things like getting sustenance for his poor starving sister interrupted this chance encounter.

"Uh um, th-thanks. I-I…" Vash had difficulty putting together coherent thoughts as the man's eyebrows began to raise in confusion. It was just too cute! He nearly lifted his hand up to gently stroke those furry patches before he snapped out of it and realized what he was thinking. He's a man, for goodness' sake! What has my mind turned to? Did I hit my head? I've certainly never had these kinds of thoughts before. Should I just get out of here while I still can? I don't know!

The deep, strong voice poked its way into his thoughts when the man said, "Yeah. You're welcome. But did you hit your head? You seem a little woozy." This time when the man spoke, Vash got a whiff of his breath. Mint, sweet and airy drifted into his nostrils.

Taking a few deep breaths and hoping he wouldn't stutter, he started, "I don't think so," pausing to take a new breath and gather his courage to do something he would never think of doing at home, he said, "Hey, would you like to-"

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST!~"

Cut off mid-sentence by some drunkard with a raspy voice, Vash almost stomped in frustration. Damn! He was so close to- What? I was so close to what? Asking him out for a drink? Was that what I was thinking? What has gotten into me? I bet it was the long day's riding and the blisters in unfortunate places. Must be.

While Vash had been caught up in his own warring mind, the rude interrupter made his way down the hall, stumbling a bit but catching himself on the wall.

"Ludwiiiiig, bro, you left the Awesome Me all alone with those dang bananas out there! Get back out there and let's get some more beer. You need another drink, is what I think. And-" The man stopped when his eyes finally wandered over to Vash, standing there looking more than a little disappointed and dejected. "And who might you be, my little friend?" he said, while slinging a heavy arm around Vash's shoulders. His voice was a bit seductive, but he could tell this man was drunk out of his wits.

Just as he was going to tell them his name, while leaning away from the drunk, the other man, Ludwig, who in his opinion was the "awesome" one, said, "Get off of him, you creep, you're a terrible drunk and you can't keep your hands to yourself."

The arm around Vash's shoulders slackened, and he was able to get a good look at the man. A small voice in the back of Vash's mind protested as he took in the messy white hair falling around a pale face set with red eyes. The man's body was thinner than Ludwig's but just as strong. Above all, he was equally as handsome as his brother.

The man giggled. "Like what you see, eh?" Vash blushed. He hadn't meant to stare. "Heh, tell ya what, babe. I'll give you my number so we can chat sometime." The man rummaged in his skintight pants and pulled out a slip of paper, several others falling to the floor when he did. "The name's Gilbert. Beillschimdt."

Before he could protest, Gilbert stuffed the paper into his hand and gave him a peck on the cheek. Vash's knees went weak, and he wondered why they hadn't already, as he watched the German brothers leave, Ludwig helping Gilbert keep his balance, Gilbert sauntering and swaying all the while.

"Sorry about my brother. Um, goodbye, and I hope your head feels better!" Ludwig said with a smile and wave over his shoulder. Just as they were about to turn the corner, Gilbert, apparently remembering Vash, turned around and blew him a kiss.

"See ya soon, babe."

Recovering from the surprising encounter, Vash remembered why he was out there. He made his way down the hall and to the counter, searching for a bartender. He found one, her hair tied back and a look of exhaustion on her face.

"Excuse me, could you get me some bread and cheese please?" he asked while she finished cleaning a spilt liquid off the counter.

"Of course. I'll be right back." She put down her rag and went through nearby door, reappearing half a minute later with his food.

"Thanks. How much do I owe you?" He couldn't help but hate that he would be giving up more of his money, especially when he was running low on what he had brought with him. She handed him a small platter with several rolls, three kinds of cheese, and a clementine.

"Don't worry about it. You look like you and that sister of yours could really use it." She smiled at him, gave a tiny wave, and left to tend to a rather rowdy customer yelling for more drinks.

"Thanks!" Vash called to her. Heh, I didn't have to pay anything. Starting off down the hall, a sudden thought occurred to him. Wait, what if there was more to it than the pitiable sight of my sister and me? What if it's moldy? He stopped dead in his tracks and squinted at the food. Stupid candlelight! He couldn't see a thing. Oh well, I guess we'll just have to trust her…

When he got back to their room, he knocked rapidly on the door, saying, "Lili, its me. Unlock the door."

It took no more than a millisecond for her to unbolt and unchain the door. She hugged him tight, looked relieved that he was finally back. Securing the door, he said, "Look what I got for you, a clementine!" She squealed in delight and took the small orange fruit, holding it close. Then Vash cheesed up a roll and gave it to Lili, and ate his own, all the while watching her as she ate the tiny citrus fruit that so reminded him of her. Sweet, adorable, and innocent. The next thing he knew, she had fallen asleep on the bed, hair everywhere, looking content. He smiled and put her to bed properly, then turned off the light, got into the bed next to her, and fell into a deep sleep, dreaming of unicorns, money, and the scary innkeeper.