Authors Note: This is my first big fic, guys, so be gentle with me. It's a Human!stuck sadstuck type of thing. Please tell me what you think! 3


Eridan sat crossly on the park bench. Another blind date his supposed 'friend' had set up for him was a no show. He didn't know why he even bothered anymore, showing up. Nobody else did. Bearing a very sour expression, he pulled out his iphone, and swiped his thumb over the app screen. He tapped the little red icon, and watched the Trollian screen load up. Albeit in a slow, painfully slow way.

He fiddled impatiently with his earbuds, running a tanned hand through his well-styled black hair. He distastefully eyed a few freckles on the back of his hand, as if their existence caused him physical irritation. He glared at them now, how mockingly they contrasted with his skin. He shook himself, and picked at a nail on his well manicured fingers. He then ran an appraising eye over his nails. They were in need of a touch up, having lost most of their smooth shine in the rough, bitter cold.

He picked a piece of leaf litter off of his otherwise spotless, royal purple, sleeveless vest. He rolled the cuffs of his white button down a little further up his slightly muscular arms, ignoring the veins that stood out a little too clearly, and smoothed the wrinkles in black jeans.

He thought he was rather attractive. Why couldn't he just get a fucking date? Was he honestly that pathetic? He growled, low in his throat, and rolled his eyes as his piece of shit phone finally loaded.

He scrolled through his contacts, and found hers. He clicked it, and began thumbing away, the slightly off-calibration of his screen did nothing to help his temper.

- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] -

CA: its another fuckin no showw fef

CA: wwhat a surprise

CA: cant you set me up wwith people wwholl actually showw up?

He ran his fingers through his hair again, making sure the gel held. A single strand of the purple streak he'd retouched only a few days prior hung annoyingly in his face, threatening to smudge his glasses. He glanced down at his phone, readjusting his blue scarf, tucking it firmly under his chin.

He peered down at the world through narrowed eyes, as if this whole 'life' thing were just one sordid affair. He felt his phone buzz familiarly in his hand.

- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]-

CA: its another fuckin no showw fef

CA: wwhat a surprise

CA: cant you set me up wwith people wwholl actually showw up?

CC: )(ey! be a little nicer -Eridan! I worked reelly )(ard to set you up wit)( )(im!

CA: him? fef come on, wwhy are you alwways settin me up with dudes

CC: you were t)(e one w)(o was so s)(ore )(e was gay in t)(e eight)( grade )(e started crying!

CA: wwere not talkin about that

CA: you swwore

CC: alrig)(t alrig)(t, sorry -Eridan

CC: besides, )(es reely cute. i t)(ink youre going to like )(im

CA: fef, this asshole hasnt showwn. its been ovver twwenty fuckin minutes

CC: language mister!

CC: )(es just running a little late okay?

CC: )(ell be t)(ere soon i promise!

CC: )(ave fun!38D

CA: wwhatever you say, fef…

CC: tell me all about it later, okay?

CC: anyway, i )(ave to go, so sea you soon!

CA: yeah

CA: a course

CA: wwhale…

CA: bye fef...

- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] -

As always, he felt a little stab in his heart that rippled out of his chest, followed by a wave of anger. They used to be best friends. He still had her shitty little friendship bracelet laying under his pillow. Not that he liked the fucking thing. Not all that much, anyway. She made it in art class for him. He let the fond though pass, unmolested by anger. At least, until he remembered he'd been replaced.

Some nerdy fuck took his place as her best friend, then wormed his way into being her boyfriend. Eridan knew more about it than he'd like to admit. He'd been her friend for way longer than that little shit, and yet she rejected him, and took up the pathetic kid. Then he left her for some dumpy bitch who'd always floated around the back of class, looking depressed as hell.

He hated him, and with good reason. But he was more upset with Fef. He wouldn't have broken her heart like that. Never. But she never gave him the chance. He couldn't even have been given the dignity of being the rebound guy. No, the only reward he got after hours of watching shitty chick flicks, and spooning down ice cream like it was the end of the world was a shitty kiss on the cheek.

He'd never even seen Mr. Perfect, or clearly seen him. Only vague pictures on Fef's Facebook page. He tried not to look closely at him. It was a short fling, and he couldn't even remember the assholes name. Sorren, or some shit. He huffed. He couldn't even have the 'honor' of being Fef's best friend after that. No, he was still so perfect, even though he broke her heart.

Eridan stewed for a while longer, angry that anybody could come between him and Fef. He thought of her, and calmed somewhat. She was so beautiful, and so sweet. She made his heart pound. He still loved her, even if he hated to admit it.

He just hoped this time he'd be lucky. The last few dates that actually showed were disastrous. She'd set him up once with some cat fanatic. That went well. It didn't even last a night before they were screaming at each other, and taking care to block each other from just about everything. He couldn't even remember what the little girl was so pissed about.

Not for his own sake, did he want this to go right, but so maybe he could rub Fef in just the rightest of wrong ways, and in her jealousy, she'd see how perfect they were for each other. He fantasized about her adorable puffy lips, and didn't notice that there was a rather large Honey Bee twitching about on his arm. Not until the fucker jammed it;s stinger right into him.

"Fuck!" He barked, raising a taut hand to smash the thing for having the audacity to stick its stinger where it didn't belong.

"Hey! Don't do that, leave it alone!"

A rather pale hand flashed into his view, scooping up the buzzing insect, and chasing it gently away. Eridan glared up at the kid, and his eyes wrenched open.

"You!"